New to MB
Thanks for this amazing board. Just trying to grow in intimacy with my dw. We were two Christians virgins. Now 20 years in and we are just being able to talk about sex in a real open way.
What books made a difference in your marriage
In the bedroom? – keep in mind we are super conservative so no porn mag recommendations or anything that promotes out of marriage stuff. Nope. As my tag implies. Commuted for ever to my dw.
Out of the bedroom – marriage in general?
Welcome to the board. We did several books when we first got married, but none of those stick out in my head. Instead, I’ve had great luck reading blogs in the last half year. Some have already been mentioned, but I’ll state them again along with links and a brief description/opinion from me:
Uncovering Intimacy – This one speaks very well to Zelda (my DW) and I. Just the proper combination of technical, logical, and Biblical for us. Probably a little conservative compared to this board in some areas (masturbation), but maybe a little liberal compared to how you’ve described yourself (here and on another question), as some topics you might consider “out there” are covered like bondage, clit slapping, pegging, etc.
The Generous Husband – TGH is written by PaulB, who is the head of TMB too. Daily dose of short, to the point thoughts for men (though plenty of women commenters there!) Good for quick reads and the occasional discussion/debate in the comments.
The XY Code – Also written by PaulB, but this time it is targeted towards women, though of course many men read/comment.
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum (TLHV) – This one is targeted towards women, though some posts are focused on men. Does a lot for getting women out of the “purity culture” mindset and working on increasing their libidos and enjoyment out of sex. Probably a great place to go if your DW is struggling to O.
Married Christian Sex – This couple clearly enjoys sex (a lot) and has fun with it. They give recommendations on new things to try while still keeping it grounded within a Christian worldview. Probably too exotic for what you describe for your marriage bed.
The Forgiven Wife – A blog focused on bringing women out of a refusing mindset and all the baggage that comes with it (or caused it). Despite that focus, I’ve gotten quite a bit from a few of the articles.
Hot, Holy, & Humorous – A blog aimed for women, but again lots of men read/comment. Some fun stuff here as well as quite a bit on serious topics.
I’m sure there’s more I could add, but that’s probably overwhelming as it is!
Blogs have been much more beneficial to me than any book, The Forgiven Wife deeply impacted me and was a catalyst God used to totally change me. The Generous Husband and The XY Code, are ones that have helped continue to challenge me and keep my mind focused. But, I did find new understanding of men/my husband and of myself as a woman from reading the books, For Men Only and For Women Only. A good study that I would recommend for any wife is Passion Pursuit.
Honestly, TMB, the support and relationships formed here, especially in the older version, has had the most profound impact on me. When you read and discuss sex anonymously and regularly, it makes speaking of it in every day life much more “normal” and comfortable.
You can get some ideas off of CHRISTIAN BOOK DISTRIBUTORS, just search marriage or sex. There’s a lot of Christian ones to find there and you could take some of those titles to AMAZON and search there with a title from CBD and get other appropriate suggestions. We like to buy used books on eBay or Amazon sometimes just to save money. There are so many that it’s hard to choose. Some focus on the relationship because great sex comes from emotional intimacy and I can say that the greater that is, the more my wife is willing to grow and connect physically because of the trust and safety we have together.
There is one secular book I would recommend for oral technique for a man to read and that is SHE COMES FIRST.
We have so many at the office and home that when my wife was giving a friend a book to prepare for marriage and blending a family she commented to my wife, “Wow, you have a lot of books on sex!” 😁🤣 (Yes, we do.) We talk about it regularly, like a checkup, like we do with other parts of our relationship…to make sure both of us are heading in the right direction, individually and as a couple, and at about the same pace so one doesn’t get left behind.
Welcome! Thanks for joining us. Glad your marriage is growing!
Marriage in General: #1 – “How We Love” by Milan and Kay Yerkovich. #2 – John Gottman’s books (Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work, 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, The Relationship Cure, What Makes Love Last, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, 8 Dates, etc…)
In the bedroom, I’ll leave to others with more experience.
Welcome! Lehman’s Sheet Music. (mentioned already) is solid. Even Comfort’s Joy of Sex (updated from its original to now emphasize monogamy) can be a great conversation starter and reference for the marriage bed. Think also about creating your own book. I have made a three-ring binder for my wife that was both a gift and a provocateur, daring some playful conversation. The binder is a collection of text and pics (all taken by me for her) that is very private and very personal, representing my thoughts and dreams, inviting her into them.
This board and the Christian website MarriageHeat.com have been great resources at my house, as well, helping my wife and I talk more honestly and openly about our sexual selves.
You’ve received some excellent suggestions. I would also add these three:
Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski – essential for understanding the female body and its sexual response. Written to increase women’s self esteem and self awareness. Best book I’ve read on the topic. It’s secular, but was recommended to me by a pastor. There is nothing inappropriate there.
The Male Brain. The Female Brain. Both by LouAnn Brizendine. These explain how hormones affect both the male and the female, in their responses to the world around them including sex. Also secular, but very appropriate.