Orgasm from PIV
DW and I tried something different the other day in our sexual routine and it opened up some interesting possibilities.
Usually I will give her a clitoral orgasm before or after intercourse and have my O during PIV (i.e. taking turns). This time I gave her an O, started PIV, and then gave her another clitoral O with me inside her. Let’s just say she was extremely pleased with the result and I am looking to make an O for her during PIV a bigger part of lovemaking.
The only issue is that doing it this way is not quite as pleasurable for me. Don’t get me wrong I will do this all day long just to see that level of satisfaction but I am looking for ways to improve how this is done.
The current method involves us in rear entry with me reaching around and manually stimulating the clitoris. In order to do this I can’t thrust and basically have to stand still. This can sometimes cause a weakening of my erection so I have to periodically stop stimulation to perform a few maintanence thrusts. In other words I can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. LOL Then when she gets close and O’s I will be done in 2 seconds flat without the opportunity to enjoy more thrusting.
What I would really like to do is get her to the point where she is close to an O and then finish her with PIV stimulation alone. She has gotten close a couple of times in our regular routine (no MS during IC) but she needed at least 5-10 minutes of sustained hard and fast thrusting and I couldn’t last long enough. I am thinking if I can get her close through MS I might be able to start IC and finish her with a minute or 2 of hard and fast PIV.
Here is my question. Can this “mixture” of stimulation work? If the wife can orgasm from PIV does it require sustained PIV only stimulation or can you get close with MS and finish it off with PIV?
Even for those who O via PIV, the biggest reason they can is because their clitoris is close enough to the vagina, it is stimulated. Clitoral stimulation is key. That being said, she will likely need some kind of continued clitoral stimulation.
Here are some options:
1) She takes a part and takes over what you began and stimulates herself.
2) Get a vibrator, a bullet vibe that can be tucked between you bodies, or a we-vibe that is held in place by being inserted in her, or a vibe that has a ring to fit on the penis and is created to stimulate her as you are near/thrust (won’t work in a rear position.)
First of all, congratulations achieving this new shared experience and success! Women’s O’s during PIV are not a given, see e.g. the TMB survey Orgasmic Experience Before and After Marriage. In the third plot, it shows that 22% of wives had never O’d during PIV (with or without additional clitoral stimulation). Considering that same plot shows only 4% of wives had never O’d at all, that means about 19% of orgasmic wives have never O’d during PIV, so welcome to the club!
Also, it is not at all uncommon for women to find orgasm during intercourse to be significantly more pleasurable than otherwise. Before finding TMB, I’d read comments from women describing them as being almost two different things. One woman here at TMB has definitely said that having something inside to “grip” helps her O’s feel more pleasurable. My own DW (Zelda) certainly gets more pleasure from having something inside adding stimulation (see more in the next paragraph).
Have you asked, or will you ask, your DW if it felt the O originated from a different location than normal? You are probably already aware, but women can have different “types” of orgasms. See, e.g. All About Female Orgasm (Safe Diagrams) – Married Christian Sex. I honestly didn’t know if I believed this “different type” thing until late last year (shortly after my DW became orgasmic) when Zelda commented about the differences she was feeling (and she doesn’t read in this area and I’d never shared with her the different “type” articles). Apparently, she gets much more pleasure from what she calls “vaginal” orgasms, though they are probably blended with clitoral orgasms technically. She can get the better ones with either internal manual stimulation from me or PIV (both have to combined with the vibrator on her clitoris). And she greatly prefers these types of O’s. However, the fingers vs. PIV ones are different in nature, and I don’t think she has a preference on which is “better” (both awesome in their own ways, with the PIV ones being very “full” [particularly with deep penetration] and the manual-assisted ones being extended with several pleasure waves), just both are superior to clit-only ones.
Whew…that was a lot of background (which you might already know) without getting to the specifics of your question, so here goes. First, do listen to @SC’s answer, which was succinct/straightforward. I go into more detail (which I love to do), but nothing I’ll say really deviates from what she said. You say:
“The current method involves us in rear entry with me reaching around and manually stimulating the clitoris. In order to do this I can’t thrust and basically have to stand still. This can sometimes cause a weakening of my erection so I have to periodically stop stimulation to perform a few maintanence thrusts. In other words I can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. LOL Then when she gets close and O’s I will be done in 2 seconds flat without the opportunity to enjoy more thrusting.”
Your walking/gum experience is very normal as I understand. Even though we’ve only had Zelda orgasmic for ~6 months, we’d had over a decade of me trying to stimulate her clitoris during PIV to help her enjoy it more. It’s not easy to do for sure, and I’d often end up doing both poorly. We’re not of the right sizes/shapes to have me do manual clitoris stimulation in most rear-entry positions, but I’ve certainly done it in positions like Butterfly and Jiggle & Jam, and both of these seem more compatible with manual clitoris stimulation during thrusting than doggy style.
“Here is my question. Can this “mixture” of stimulation work? If the wife can orgasm from PIV does it require sustained PIV only stimulation or can you get close with MS and finish it off with PIV?”
Of course it might work, and I’ve read about couples that do it that way (or the opposite…the wife gets on the edge during PIV but can’t get over, so he immediately helps her with OS or MS right after ejaculating). But do you need it to work that way?
Ok, I’m going really long on this answer, so here is a bulleted list of my thoughts to make them easier to digest:
- As I recall, your DW does not like to MS herself, but have you talked with her about doing it during your PIV session? If she’s still a “no” on that, then would she be open to using a vibe on herself? Some women might not want to touch with their fingers, but are okay with a vibe. If that’s the case, a small bullet vibe or clitoral cuddler vibe should work well.
- If she’s unwilling to use the vibe on herself but open to one in general, you can clearly use one on her. I’m aware you really love rear entry, plus I know you have very infrequent sex. However, if you can manage to switch positions and use the vibe on her while thrusting, it may work wonders both for her O and for your longevity. Does she get much from penetration in non-rear-entry positions? If you don’t want to switch positions, then you might still get it to work depending on the size/shape of you and the vibe.
- If she won’t wield the vibe and you can’t wield the vibe/multitask, then a hands-free vibe might work. @SC mentioned the We-Vibe, which has several options. The Eva 2 might be worth a shot also (my DW appears to be less orgasmic than yours but still O’s from the Fin vibrator, which uses the same motor as the Eva 2, though with the Fin she can move it around and benefits from the biofeedback). Here is a link of Couple’s Vibes.
- If she’s unopen to the vibe, then MS it is, but maybe try other positions–if they are good for her–to help you last longer. Walking/gum is easier in the positions I mentioned above than it is for rear-entry.
- If none of that works, then you’re just going to have to find a way to walk/gum or last longer. It’s taken an immense amount of work for me to learn how to last really long times, and I have the advantage of being older, having more frequent sex, and having my wife lubricate additional amounts with the vibe usage. Practice really is needed in this area, and the more practice you get, the more things you’ll learn that can pleasure your wife in PIV. For instance, we’ve found a PIV angle/depth that is more likely to help her get the O than deep thrusting, and it’s also pleasurable for me without as intense a buildup/urge to O as the deep thrusting gives.
- Alternatively, you can do the method you just did but wait more time before resuming thrusting so you don’t go in 2 sec. If necessary, you may have to withdraw after her O is over and calm down for a couple minutes. Oh, but if it’s that easy for you to pop once she’s O’ing, why don’t you opt for a couple thrusts to get the coveted simultaneous O sometimes? Not always, but still a nice option to have.
- Look, every couple is different. Find what works for you and go with it. As long as you’re both getting maximum pleasure, who cares what that looks like? I’d love to not need the vibe and for Zelda to get massive pleasure in any position we wanted, but that’s not reality…and that’s okay! You read this forum like the rest of us and so have seen how different everyone’s “go to” is. As long as it’s God-honoring and mutually enjoyable, just do it! And have fun by trying new things and learning!
Hope that helps, and good luck!
I have the same issue; I would like to give DW an O with me inside her, but she need lots of clitoral stimulation. We have tried what SC suggested, but DW is used to a Magic Wand, and the bullets we have tried don’t come close to the stimulation that a Magic Wand provides. The Magic Wand is too large to permit her to use it (in Missionary position) with me inside her. We probably have to search for some position where she can use the Wand, but she really prefers Missionary to any other position. We have tried getting her nearly to O with the wand, and then starting PIV, but this has never worked.
Moving this from a reply to an answer for visibility.
Our go to position, which is very comfortable, allows me to remain insider her while either she or I use a wand for her stimulation. The wife lies on her back and the husband lying on her right. She puts her right leg over his waist while he rolls to is left (towards her) and places his right leg over her left leg. He enters her from this position but has access to her with his hands or either one can hold a wand for extra stimulation. I couldn’t find this exact position on the Christian Friendly Sex Positions site, but it’s been our go-to every since her meniscus surgery last fall. I saw it on a post from Paul Beverly on his Generous Husband blog. It’s call “Half-Turned” Check it out here –> 6 Best Sex Positions
Here another post describing the same, comfortable position on Paul’s Generous Husband blog: Slow Sex Saturday
We have enjoyed ‘simultaneous’ orgasms via PIV that give each of us maximum quality and quantity, ergo: her reaching her O through an increasingly intense ramp-up and me through comfortable and rigorous stimulation. It takes both of us working together, sensing and responding to each other. We have never been able to achieve an O for Mrs. Youngbear/Oldbear through PIV alone. At some point, she takes over (during foreplay or just before her final ramp to orgasm) to stimulate her clitoris. Her control and skill enables us to guide our rising intensity toward our orgasm. In doing so, I take my queue from her and she picks up on my rise to the PONR. Hope this makes sense.
In summary, we’ve long abandoned the notion and effort to achieve simultaneous Os through PIV with my thrusting to satisfaction and her experiencing an O, without clitoral stimulation. Clitoral stimulation during PIV is a requisite to great Os.
Scott referenced some surveys from this site . Recently I heard a statistic from a nationwide survey on a podcast that only 7% of females (that orgasm at all) can orgasm via PIV alone. So as indicated before, some clitoral stim must happen in some way for the vast majority of females. And often even that doesn’t work. It’s because there is an even more sensitive spot that must me stimulated or involved for her to orgasm.
…It’s between her ears…