Oversensitive clit can’t make it to orgasm

    Hello, 

    I posted a more specific question recently (about HBC), but I thought I’d open it up more broadly. I’ll start with the problem/question and then go into the background. Apologies if this question has already been asked; there’s a lot to sort through!

    Problem/question: I don’t have a problem with achieving sexual pleasure with my husband, sometimes with high intensity (gasping, [good] tears, etc), but I have never made it past that point to orgasm in 1.5 years of marriage. I think this is what is referred to as a cliff. But I don’t get stuck on the cliff; I fall off it abruptly. From rising intense pleasure I reach a point whether either my clitoris instantaneously becomes too sensitive and painful to touch, or just totally non-responsive. I have read about other people having this problem, but haven’t yet found a way past it. After “falling off the cliff” I can occasionally be slowly and carefully brought back to the same level of pleasure, but often I’m done for the night.

    Background:

    To prevent the lists of “have you tried this”, here is where we are at.

    History/head space: I grew up pretty conservative and never explored sexually before marriage. However, since I have been married, I think I have grown to have a pretty healthy view of sex, enjoy it greatly, and am comfortable with receiving pleasure. I do, however, feel quite down (like a failure) about not being able to orgasm when I focus on it. When I’m not worried about orgasm, I have great sex, when I think about it too much, it’s just disappointing. But I haven’t had any luck with “not trying” either. 

    Relationship: husband and I have good communication, trust, etc. He is servanthearted and desires to please. We often “warm up” to sex with positive interactions throughout the day.

    Hormones: I was on HBC for the first year of our marriage, and have been off it for the past 5ish months to see if it made a difference, with no notable change and will probably go back on HBC shortly. My body definitely changes over a cycle as far as lubrication, etc, but haven’t noticed that I’m definitely getting “closer” at one time of the month. 

    Foreplay/technique: we frequently spend a lot of time in foreplay, with manual/oral clitoral stimulation. PIV plus manual stimulation seems to be the most consistent at bringing pleasure. We’ve also tried different PIV positions. I’ve heard it suggested to just “keep going” with clitoral stimulation for as long as it takes, even hours, but with my clit sensitivity that just sounds physically- and emotionally- painful.

    Masturbation: I will frequently self-stimulate while being sexual with my husband. I don’t have any desire to separate my sexuality from my husband by trying to orgasm while he is not present.

    Vibrators: haven’t tried one yet, but am open to it. Any suggestions for a sensitive clit? Would prefer one that lends itself to being used with my husband rather than alone. 

    Other: have tried kegels on and off without commitment… I’ve heard it suggested that if the clitoris isn’t working to try for GSpot orgasms but not really sure where to start… any other ideas?

     

    Thank you!

     

     

    It says 3 comments, but I can’t see them. Or are they just below in the answers?

    on September 18, 2020.

    The three comments are the upvotes the question received. Upvotes/downvotes count as comments, at least on mobile for both questions/answers. I think for computers/tablets, they count as comments only on questions…I know, weird.

    Oh, and it gets even more confusing when a vote is placed and added to the comment total but doesn’t actually get registered as a vote!

    on September 18, 2020.
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    13 Answer(s)

      Another comment, in reply to @OWM. Realize that the clitoris is WAY BEYOND the glan/head. It is mainly internal and surrounds the whole vulva area. That means when the labia majora is stimulated, it’s actually stimulating the internal parts of the clitoris. I even just heard it said, that what makes PIV feel good vaginally, is actually the internal clitoris at work. If our vaginas had that many nerve endings for pleasure, we would never be able to birth a baby (not sure how much science that TEDtalk speaker had behind her.) Anyway, yes, the glans can get highly sensitive, so there may be ways to focus on the clitoris at large while not stimulating the glans so much, to keep that sensitivity away.

      Under the stars Answered on September 17, 2020.
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        YW2019, you can do a search for toys/vibrators on this website. (Scott has done extensive research and shared on multiple posts.) Great thoughts here from SC and others.  I will not speak to what they’ve addressed at this point.

        Regarding toys since you asked, I’ll share two that we use and have enjoyed. DW has “fallen in love with” (my words)….OK, let’s just say “enjoyed immensely” an insertable rabbit-style vibe (think internal & external stimulation) with separate on/off and hi/low controls for the internal and external (clit) stimulation. It wasn’t expensive, just something from marrieddance.com. (One of the sponsors of the Byerlys and actual TMB website.) We use that while we’re both touching, stimulating, kissing, etc.  At first, DW didn’t try it for about 3 months. I’d bought it and didn’t want to push it ’cause using toys was new and be a little bit of a stretch for her. The first time, she didn’t care for it and we put it away for another two months….BUT the second time, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (I wrote about it here in May I think.)

        Since then, I purchased a We Vibe Chorus which is an expensive toy which comes to use with a remote and/or app control. (I got 30% off on sale so I was happy.) It is another “insertable” toy, only it’s designed in a  “U/V” shaped and can be used as a couple with any PIV position. It gives clitoral and g-spot stimulation because part is outside and part of it is inserted and the husband can feel it too because of the vibrations on the inside part.

        Under the stars Answered on September 17, 2020.

        “BUT the second time, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (I wrote about it here in May I think.)”

        He wrote about it in…JULY. 😛

        on September 18, 2020.

        Do you even work outside the home? Where do you get all this extra time to research and post?

        on September 18, 2020.

        @NWNL: Because I know you mean well, I’m not going to read any negative connotations into that. And maybe these are rhetorical questions, but I’m too dense to know if they are or not.

        I do have some extra time that allows me to post from work occasionally, but honestly this is my hobby, and I don’t have many. What I do is piece together responses mentally and then type them up quickly when an opportunity presents itself. My mind is always working on processing these things in the background, it’s just how my brain works.

        In terms of “research”, almost all of it is already done. I’m very over analytical and put in a massive research effort in mid 2019 to try to help my wife in this area. Since then, I’ve done bits and pieces to add to my knowledge, for instance a little for my response on the @PPK thread a while back (on getting his wife to O). Notice that the list of TMB Q&A threads that relate to this topic are in exactly the same order as on the @PPK thread? Copy/paste is my friend. 😀 Oh, and my memory  is usually extremely good, so I usually just pull up exactly what I want instead of searching it out again (though I may start documents for certain topics that allow me to copy/paste, which is faster and easier).

        For a big answer like this one (or @PPK’s on getting his wife to O, or the big infidelity thread from @Rescued back in July), I’ll type it up in a Word document, often peacemealing it together in 5-min chunks over a day or two.

        Please note that, unlike you, I don’t have a ministry outside my kids IRL. In some ways, I view TMB as my ministry and take it quite seriously. I love helping people, and I certainly am not getting that with my current IRL job. Also, for threads where I post really long answers like this, it usually means I am very much identifying with the topic. In this case, I see an almost exact picture of what my marriage/MB was like 11.5 yr ago. If I can help this couple avoid making the same mistakes I/we did, it would give me great satisfaction. If you feel my answers are OTT, let me know and I can stop doing them.

        -Scott

        on September 20, 2020.

        Yes, it was tongue in cheek, Scott. I’m amazed at how much you quickly find and respond. You definitely add so much to the boards and I’ve always appreciate the time you give and I value the thoughts you share. Thank you.

        on September 21, 2020.
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          Have you tried OS?  I had this issue early on with manual stimulation of the clitoris, would build and build but then get too sensitive.  I was able to orgasm easily from OS.

          On the floor Answered on September 17, 2020.
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            My DW has problems with oversensitivity of her clitoris and could not have an O for many years. We went down the toy route and finally tried a wand-style toy that did the trick. She uses it by lying on top of it,  placed near her lady bits. Like you, she prefers that I am involved while she is using the wand. Typically, as she is using the wand I  lie down next to her and massage her butt, stroke her lady bits from behind, tickle her back, etc.

            It may seem counter-intuitive that such a potentially powerful toy would be a good thing for a woman with a sensitive clitoris, but my theory is that it stimulates the whole area, and maybe does get at the internal clitoris. It has a fairly large head and thus the vibrations are not too concentrated. The wand we use is made by Body Wand, and has ‘deep rumbly’ vibrations, which DW prefers to vibrators that have a more ‘buzzy’ feel. Also, the model we have has a wheel to adjust the speed, and she never moves it past the minimum setting.

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on September 18, 2020.
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              YW, thanks for posting. Sorry to hear of your challenges.

              My personal advice would be to stay off of HBC.

              Also, for many DWs 1.5 years is still a short time when it comes to how long it took for them to have their first O or to O regularly. So, I would encourage you not to give up!

              It doesn’t make sense to me for you to try for an hour or more. That would be counter productive and, as you say, painful.

              It seems to me that you should continue exploring together with your DH and try to take off the pressure of reaching an O. Aim at mutual enjoyment, coming together as one, learning new things about each other’s bodies and their responses, etc. Since you’d rather not try exploring alone, be as relaxed with him as possible and focus on the other things.

              Lastly, I would suggest you moderate how much you stimulate your clitoris and work on finding and stimulating other areas of your body that enhance your arousal. Yes, that would include your G-spot, but also your breasts , nipples, vulva, inner thighs, neck, etc. Or you could stimulate your clitoris to a comfortable level, go to other areas and then come back to her. (You may have been doing that already)

              I’m sure others will have good advice too.

              Under the stars Answered on September 17, 2020.
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                Thanks everyone for your answers so far!

                @SeekingChange and @MrsNerd: I have occassionally wondered whether I am, in fact, having orgasms without realizing it, but have generally decided no because 1) someone told me you’ll know! Which you are saying isn’t always true, but also 2) it’s a pretty seamless build of pleasure/pressure that doesn’t seem to have a definite shift to a new sensation. The only distinct shift is negative. 3) not really any feeling of contractions or of release. Obviously I don’t know what it does feel like, so I could be convinced that I’m wrong!

                @Wheat48 Yes, we have, and it’s good, but still doesn’t get me there.

                @newwifenewlife, @Olorin, thanks for sharing your experiences and the advice on the toys! I will gather my husband and explore some options.

                @one_woman-man, I appreciate the overall thoughts to consider. We will keep exploring!

                Double bed Answered on September 18, 2020.
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                  Hello @YW2019,

                  I applaud you for coming in and sharing your experiences in this question. It is not easy to be so open and vulnerable. Both your question and answer are logical, expressed clearly, and written in very high-quality English…all things I love to see at TMB. I hope you continue contributing from time to time (you might consider doing an Introduction Post if you intend to stick around).

                  My DW and I could have written almost exactly what you did 11.5 yr ago…we just wouldn’t have been as open/expressive nor been willing to consider sex toys/marital aids. Trust me, you are not broken in any way, nor do you need “fixed”. That you are so open to trying new things and have come to TMB for help put you light years ahead of us at the same point in our marriage. We ended up “giving up” on my DW’s orgasm after 2 yr or so into our union. And while she still got lots of pleasure, there was no chasing the O or even getting close to it (as doing so could leave her frustrated/with “blue ovaries”). But even that slowly faded as more kids popped into our life, leading to roughly 6 yr of some serious sexual drought. And that’s really unfortunate, as my DW, like you, really enjoyed having sex when we were first married even though there were no O’s for her. The downward slide took a 180 around our 12th anniversary, when we interjected some serious discussion and intention into this part of our life together. And honestly that’s a big part of why I’m on TMB. That said, this is a “near-and-dear” topic for me, so you’re going to get an infamously long “Scott” answer on this one. 🙂

                   

                  General Thoughts

                  As I said above, you’re definitely not broken and absolutely not a “failure”. As @OWM alluded to, your predicament is pretty common. Perhaps the best way to show this is from survey data from the “old” TMB: Survey – Orgasmic Experience Before and After Marriage. All of those graphs are interesting, but the third is especially so:

                  a3.gif

                  Over 30% of women did not get an orgasm with their husband in the first year after they began having sex! What you are experiencing is quite normal, and given the sex positivity of TMB, I’m guessing that the percentage is actually higher for the general population as measured against when they first became sexually active.

                  As I mentioned above, you are way ahead of the curve by looking into this and coming here. Reading/learning is your friend. One helpful read is the following link: All About Female Orgasms (Safe Diagrams), which has a very useful PDF. I also liked the way Ruth Buezis explains paths to orgasm in this article: Clitoral, G-Spot and Deep Spot – 3 Pathways to Pleasure. The money figure there is the layout of the internal female genitalia, which you should really get to know if you haven’t already. Heck, it’s so good I’ll just leave it here directly:

                  clitoris_anatomy_labeled-en.jpg

                  As others have mentioned, the clitoris is huge, with most of it being buried internally. As arousal increases, your bulbs of vestibule will fill with blood (contributing to your “lady boner”), thus increasing the pleasure you can feel, sometimes dramatically, from internal stimulation. I can actually feel this blood increase with both my fingers during MS and penis during PIV, and it’s a decent way of monitoring my wife’s progress, particularly with the fingers.

                  Other people also mentioned the possibility that you might already be O’ing (which you responded to). A question there–do you suddenly feel tired/sleepy/peaceful once you get oversensitized? I’ve certainly read that feeling that way can be a sign of a small O that didn’t give pleasure, though obviously not all women feel sleepy after O’ing.

                   

                  Birth Control

                  It’s no secret around here that I’m not a fan of HBC. I still view us avoiding it entirely as one of our best decisions as a married couple. That said, I’m going to assume you’re educated and have thought this through, so I’m not going to try to persuade you to go with other methods.

                  However, I do wonder if going off HBC (whose effect may not be entirely out of your system) didn’t come with another drawback–condoms. We both hated condoms–they required extra lube, interrupted our transition to PIV, and limited our positions because of how they rubbed my DW. If you use condoms and they are causing you problems, I can get you some info on what times of your cycle are mostly safe (low risk) and extremely safe (almost zero risk) to go condom free. This is also a good place to note that quite a few women love their husbands ejaculating inside of them and find it quite arousing (it’s pushed my DW over the cliff a couple times when she thought she was stuck), so going without the condom increases pleasure in non-physical ways too. Oh, and speaking of cycle, educating yourself on it is also a good idea. Personally, I love the following plot, which shows that almost each day in the menstrual cycle is its own beast:

                  1280px-MenstrualCycle2_en.svg.png

                  We do really well in the Follicular Phase, though quite often have “cliff” problems near ovulation (which is where most women have the best luck). The Luteal Phase can be a death trap for us, particularly early in it.

                   

                  Stimulation Approaches

                  While I’m sure you’re not “wired” exactly like my DW, the similarities in your descriptions are striking. My DW absolutely loves PIV and pretty much always has. Simultaneous PIV+clitoral stimulation is great for her too. The “oversensitization” problem certainly happens and was also our limiting factor. She, also, was not interested in solo masturbation. Thus, I’ll approach this from our MB’s perspective, as there are too many similarities to ignore.

                  @Wheat48 mentioned OS (which you responded to). OS was certainly good for my DW, and it was definitely the best tool we had early in our marriage (and I’ll admit before our marriage too 🙁 ). In retrospect, however, there are two things I’ve realized about it. (1) We pretty much always had manual internal stimulation simultaneous with the cunnilingus, and its contribution to the pleasure was likely underrated. This may be true for you too if you like PIV so much. Your husband needs to learn the inside of your vagina with his fingers exceedingly well, and he should also remember that more fingers is NOT always better 🙄 (2) OS usually should be a slow buildup and focus on so much more than the glans clitoris. The diagram from earlier shows there to be so much more than just the “nub”! We learned that way after the fact with my DW controlling the vibe on herself…she’s always moving it around her vulva chasing the best “pleasure spot”—a spot that sometimes is way off away from her normal “go to” locations! In fact, I’d say her “non-standard” location(s) for pleasure are the main reason the We-Vibe Chorus that @NWNL mentions has only been so-so for us…the fixed location of the clitoral stimulation doesn’t get my DW there.

                  Given how much you love PIV and PIV+clit stimulation, I think it’s worth mentioning that small changes in position can have huge consequences in pleasure. Think Butterfly vs. Packing the Suitcase (the latter of which is really good for a LOT of women, my DW included…oh, and it gets about the deepest penetration of any position). And both of those are different from Mermaid. Similarly, Doggy Style vs. Turtle give different sensations…same for Cowgirl vs. Clip. Summary here is that small angle changes by either you OR him can have huge effects. It’s not just about “trying lots of positions”, but trying them with small angle changes, thrusting depth changes, thrusting speed changes, and also trying them at different levels of arousal and different times in your cycle!

                  I think if I had to do it over again, I’d have gone with a mix-up of stimulation to keep raising the arousal without causing overstimulation. Something like alternating between PIV+her stimulating her clit and OS+me doing internal finger stimulation. However, to really push past the cliff would likely have required recognizing the final ascent and having him keep very constant stimulation at that time…him mixing it up at the wrong time can completely derail it!

                   

                  Vibrators

                  Despite me talking about them so often here at TMB, I’m actually pretty neutral towards sex toys/vibrators. They may not be good for every marriage, and both husband and wife should communicate about them and be on the same page. DW and I have talked and agree that despite the lack of an O, introducing them at the start wouldn’t have been best. However, the ~1 yr mark is where we think it would have been best to introduce them, and that’s right where you’re at. I suggest you talk to your husband and consider adding a vibrator. There are lots of ways to move in this direction, and here are some links to browse/read:

                  Married Dance’s Vibrator Section

                  A Vibrator? She Might Say Yes! | TGH

                  Vibe Her To Orgasm | TGH

                  Her Orgasm | TGH

                  And here at TMB Q&A:

                  Favorite Toy

                  Satysfier vs Womanizer

                  Softer toy suggestions

                  Best Vibrator?

                  We got our first vibrator… How to use it on my DW?

                  How to introduce a toy

                  This is a question for women: do you feel objectified when your spouse wants to watch you use a vibe or dildo, touch yourself and watch you orgasm?

                  How do you learn to O with a vibrator?

                  The thing is, you can read about this all day (apparently I have), but in the end it’s going to come down to whether you and your DH choose to do it. If you do want to take the plunge, then you’ll have to decide what vibrator to use. I wouldn’t be too worried about your clitoris being “too sensitive”, as often you won’t have the vibe directly on the glans (I completely agree with what @Olorin said about stimulating all the internal stuff too, and I’ve seen similar hypotheses elsewhere). One choice you might want to make is whether you think you’ll want a hard plastic (often ABS) or silicone-covered vibrator…opinions vary.

                  Where my DW and I are at now in life, we just opt for premium vibrators even though they cost a decent chunk of change. Heck, when we took the plunge we just bought two (one weaker, one stronger) because we didn’t know what to expect. Personally, I cannot say enough positive things about the We-Vibe Touch. It’s lasted the last 12+ months with no noticeable decline, but I’d be willing to replace it every 2-3 months, seriously it’s that good. It’s “rumbly”, so great for stimulating the deeper structures. While quite powerful at the highest setting, its lowest setting is pretty low. You can also opt for its cousin, the We-Vibe Tango, which uses the same motor but is harder plastic and thus feels more powerful…it’s pretty much the strongest bullet vibe available. We’re actually a little too curvy and the Touch a little too thick to get a good fit between us during woman on top (WOT), so if that’s a really good position for you, you might opt for a bullet like the Tango.

                  However, when we were newlywed, we were still young and didn’t have much money (living off our grad-student stipends). If you’re in a similar boat, then PaulB’s articles above (the TGH ones) have some less-expensive options. The risk-free pilot vibrator program at Married Dance can be a really good option if you’re really on a budget and don’t want to lose money on a poor choice.

                  Oh, and some women really like air-based clitoral stimulators. If you opt for trying that, I’d suggest one with the widest range (and preferably lowest-intensity low setting). This chart should be very helpful for that:

                  Womanizer-vs.-Satisfyer-vs.-Sona-power-comparison-1536×935.jpg

                  Since you would prefer to use a vibe with your husband, I’d suggest you just do what we did (my DW’s idea actually)–just go straight to one of your favorite PIV positions that allows clitoral stimulation from a hand and then just proceed normally but use the vibrator in place of your fingers. It’s that simple! I’d recommend starting at a low setting away from your glans clitoris and slowly increase the power while moving in closer to your glans. Clearly, focusing on any pleasure spots you find is a good idea.

                  We have likely had more luck than most but I will share our results. DW first tried a vibe in a really low-pressure situation (bad time in her luteal phase plus tired and really just having the sex “for me”) as just a test to see how it felt…and she was shocked at how good it felt (I could tell from her reactions), though she ended up with the “oversensitized” clit. The next time she went in armed with that knowledge and had her first O. The next time we got to use her favorite PIV position with the vibe for the first time (also the first time in her follicular phase) and she O’d in about 6 minutes and her body was moving in ways I’ve never seen! 55 weeks ago (over 12 yr married at the time), she’d never had an O outside of some wet dreams. Fast forward to today and she’s had 148…3 more than I have during that 55-week span!

                   

                  Other Thoughts

                  This is already WAY too long (been putting this together off/on since last night in open time chunks), so I’ll just bullet point out some extra thoughts so I don’t type a whole article:

                  • Foreplay and other types of mental arousal are critically helpful for many women, though I think you know that.
                  • You should focus on pleasure, not just the O. I know that’s about as easy as thinking about…nothing (the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man), but do try!
                  • If you end up like my DW, even with the vibe you will often require substantial lengths of PIV to reach O. Your DH may have to get his game to where he can last 20-30 min…not easy if your age is “young” like I have in my mind! This may be nearly impossible, which is why getting him good with his fingers so he can do simultaneous MS either pre- or post-PIV is critical!
                  • Speaking of the DH, he may have some mental insecurities on this issue (vibes). I had a few myself (that I’m now trying to get over in consideration of dildos and sleeves). You using a vibe is not an assault to his manliness, and you using it during PIV or internal MS is still including him in a very important role. Also, simultaneous use of the vibe will likely make the feeling of him inside you during PIV MUCH better for you, and I’m sure he’d want that. Plus, it can make it feel better for him too (the extra blood flow down there makes you “tighter”).
                  • You mention not wanting to masturbate without him. Are you willing to masturbate (with or without a vibe) while he’s with you but either not physically engaged or just sticking to touching your non-genital erogenous zones? Some women find it easier to O when they are in complete control of their genital stimulation.
                  • You mention Kegels. They are certainly good to do even if they don’t help you O…though they certainly CAN help some women O. This thread also describes Kegel weights, which have helped my DW (Zelda). On top of that, I’d also suggest squats. They are one of the healthiest exercises in general, particularly for people in the modern western world who often sit too much, and they are tied to orgasms. On top of that, cardio exercise prior to sex is also known to improve O’s.
                  • Share all this exploring/learning with your DH if he is willing (and find out why he’s unwilling if he’s not). That means reading the orgasm articles together, browsing/shopping for toys together, looking at Christian-Friendly Sex Positions together, etc. Let me tell you, browsing toys together gets Zelda’s blood flowing quite well! You’ll end up having more sex and more passionate sex just from reading/discussing this together, and that’s always a win!
                  • I’m not going to lied or hide it–adding a vibe is probably by far your best bet to achieving O regularly. It comes down to whether you/your DH are ready to make that move knowing it might be hard to go back to sans-vibe.
                  • For the vast majority of women, O’s feel good…really good. If you can break into having them regularly, they may really rock your world and bring you and your DH even closer together.
                  • Have fun. Seriously. You’re young (I think) and exploring each other still. No kids to tire you out either. There are many on TMB who would dearly love to have time on their side.
                  • And one final thing–in the end, you could end up being really physically blessed by this. For instance, Zelda gets most of her O’s during PIV and the large majority are blended O’s. I believe this is due to how she is “wired”, with much of her pleasure coming from internal stimulation (like you, really enjoying PIV). There are plenty of easily orgasmic women out there that struggle to O during PIV and have never had a blended O…not saying you will, but trying to say it’s a possibility!

                  Sorry for typing so much. Hopefully this is helpful. Good luck! 😀

                  -Scott

                  Under the stars Answered on September 18, 2020.
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                    It sounds a little like Os that I’ve experienced with manual stimulation. The most powerful Os for me happen with PIV.
                    However, I think I’ve experienced what you’re talking about. At that point, I move away from clitoral pressure/grinding PIV and in my favorite position (WOT) focus on thrusts that aim for g-spot.
                    For a cliff, I sometimes find switching from my favorite position (WOT) to another (in my case, rear entry) for a few minutes, then switching back, helps things move along.

                    Hammock Answered on September 17, 2020.
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                      Wow, thanks for such a thorough answer @Scott! I’m also feeling flattered that you appreciate my English 😆. I do like clear communication. I will have to read through all this more closely with my husband when we get a chance. He is on board, and was the first to bring up a vibrator.

                      Already Oing: I often feel exhausted after reaching high sensitivity, but I wouldn’t call it peaceful. I do usually feel the oxytocin happy/sleepy/bonded after sex in general, whether or not I’ve reached that point.

                      HBC: Yes, we don’t love condoms. We’ve been trying a combination NFP/withdrawal/condoms, which was ok, but after a pregancy scare last month (7 weeks between periods) and knowing several friends who have gotten pregnant on NFP, we are being extra careful and it’s hard to feel worth it without having detected any improvements after going off hormones. If you have any recommendations beyond what information is generally available about NFP I am happy to hear it.

                      Thanks for all the other tips! I have introduced myself on the introductions page, as requested

                      Double bed Answered on September 19, 2020.
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                        Are you positive you aren’t orgasming? Could you have an expectation of what an orgasm “should look like”, that you could be missing it? I know The Forgiven Wife had that very experience and she has written about it….she didn’t think she was orgasming, and then she realized she had been.

                        Your description is what happens to me when I orgasm. I instantaneously get a very sensitive, painfully so, clitoris. There have been the rare times it has gotten that sensitivity without me feeling like I orgasmed the way I know my body typically does, so I know that is possible.

                        Under the stars Answered on September 17, 2020.
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