QOTD-5/25/2020- Spontaneous vs. Planned Encounters?
What percentage of sexual encounters between you and your spouse are spontaneous vs. planned? Which type of encounter works best for you and your spouse?
Our sex is almost entirely spontaneous but unfortunately the frequency is low. We have tried scheduling sex in the past but with my wife’s OCD and anxiety planning sex just makes things difficult. I have learned to accept any invitation she gives for sex regardless if it is at an inopportune time as it is the best way for her to enjoy sex and not be overcome by anxiety.
Between 33 and 50% of our sexual encounters are planned. Typically, we have sex every Saturday morning, and then maybe once or twice during the rest of the week. The planned sex is usually very good. I wake up early and prepare the room by lighting candles, shaving my face, trimming my finger nails, getting out DW’s magic wand and placing it under the covers (to warm up), putting the coconut oil in some hot water to melt, and spraying some perfume in the air. Then I go down stairs to catch up on email and wait for my DW to wake up. I come back up stairs when I here her stirring, and then we begin. We both really like this planned time for love making and have been doing it now for at least 5 years.
Much less planning goes into our ‘spontaneous encounters, though we enjoy them as well. They can consist in PIV sex, an HJ for me in bed, or perhaps a shower or bath together.
Most of our sex encounters are planned. We have a fixed plan of sex every other day… We think it’s a good way to have sex regularly and those times are usually good, sometimes very, very good and a few times not so good. This way we make sure regular sex happens, and we think it’s very important for a healthy marriage.
The spontaneous times happen when we, very seldom, are home alone or are away without kids for a weekend or a few days.
To be sudden and spontaneous you need:
a) no kids, drop in guests or other friends or family that live with you or visit without notice.
b) you have the stamina and interest to do so as it is rare that couples both want it at the same time and “suddenly” for that matter.
c) don’t mind sweaty, dirty or body odor moments when you don’t plan to be at least some-what cleaned up.
d) if spontaneous means sex where you are, you would need privacy and a comfy spot to lay or whatever.
Most of our sexual encounters are expected. We both expect to sex to happen when we go to bed.
Any spontaneous encounters are typically in the morning. Since he’s not working his normal schedule, they have been happening more frequently, probably close to half the time.
Ours is mostly scheduled right now. DH likes more spontaneous, but than it tends not to happen, as life, work, and children get in the way. Maybe someday we can move back to mostly spontaneous, but than I don’t know if one is really better than the other! I don’t like dropping into bed and than finding out that DH has sex on his mind. That is when I start feeling its the last thing on my list to check off. I prefer to know a little bit ahead of time.
Both. Spontaneous hotness is great. We also have “Super Sex Sunday” planned at least once or twice a month which is a 3-5 hour block designated for planned, drawn out sex. Super Sex Sunday’s are often quite prepared for and involved.
I love intricate dating and sex. Especially themed events. I’d say 30-40% is planned ahead of time as outlined in our “Extreme Dating Rulebook”.
I would use the word SC used, expected. Or better yet, anticipated!
DW and I expect to come together every other day, as DW likes to plan ahead. Sometimes circumstances change that. But on other occasions, we don’t wait for the second day.
Handjobs and suckjobs are more likely to be spontaneous than PIV.
If by “spontaneous” you mean we didn’t agree to a time in advance, then 100% of our encounters are spontaneous. It used to be that 90% of our encounters were Sunday night, but that was never officially agreed to, and there were plenty of things that could derail that.
If by “spontaneous” you mean that someone was in the mood and successfully propositioned the other for an encounter right then and there, then 0% spontaneous.