QOTD – 6-15-2020 – How to make love on a family vacation?
Any thoughts, tips, or suggestions regarding having sex when you are vacationing in the same space with other family members?
DW and I are going on vacation with her family soon. It will be in a 3 bedroom condo and we should have a bed to our own. The trouble is DW can get loud during sex and she is terrified of being overheard. I suggested getting busy in the shower to mask any sounds but what ideas do y’all have for solving this particular problem?
1) Stay quiet if in close proximity….if a couple isn’t normally quiet, it can actually add to the encounter, it doesn’t have to detract from it.
2) Seize the moment… look for those opportunities you can, everyone’s out, everyone’s asleep, in the bathroom, etc.
3) Change it up from the norm…. it might require more quickies, or a slower and quieter time. We’ve successfully had sex in a shared hotel room with 4 sleeping kids around us, if we can do that, having your own room with a door, I can’t see any legitimate excuse not to have sex.
4) Remember that you are married…. so what if people find out you had sex, it’s what married people do. There’s nothing wrong with some pink cheeks from a little embarrassment, but there should be no place for shame.
People mentioned shower sex … it doesn’t have to actually be in the shower, turn the water on and she can sit on the counter or bend over the counter and enjoy a quickie.
Went on a vacation once with another couple and shared a room, we just made a gentlemen’s agreement about talking a walk so the other couple could have some time to “communicate” and we took turns.
Now in going on a family vacay, you’re probably on you own on that one. DW & I just know there are times when we have to be quiet at home and it’s the same on the road. I guess the other thing we do is that it may be more of a “steal a quickie” situation rather than a time to make her scream.
It is something she can control, i don’t know…i can get loud also but if i really wanted sex with my H on vacation w/others, i would definitely keep it down because i’d really want that to be kept only between me and husband. Or maybe put a pillow over her mouth when she tends to get the loudest! 🙂
We just try to keep it quiet. If a soft moan or two escapes and may be overheard I don’t think that is a big problem. Everybody knows married couples have sex, it’s not a secret. I mean, the other couples in the house most likely have (quiet) sex too…
As for suggestions:
in the shower (although everybody expect that you have sex in there if you go shower together, so same thing as being heard)
Try to be alone. Maybe stay when the other couples go out and make the most of it. (Same here, you two taking opportunity to have sex is expected)
Go on a hike alone in some secluded area and have sex. (Same again, when you return smiling they will know you had sex)
I think whatever you do, people around you will suspect and expect you to have sex and sometimes even know you had. For us, it’s not unusual to be very arousing and pleasurable to ML when we try to keep quiet and know the others may hear us. I’d say, don’t bother and just have sex. Try to keep quiet or arrange something so you can be alone somewhere if that feels better. Everybody will know anyway.
A couple of years ago we were on vacation with my parents. We all went to bed and DW and I ML. After some time of quiet foreplay I went on top of DW and as soon as I had made that delicious first deep entry thrust where both of us kind of moaned softly from the pleasure of “finally”, my mom opened the door to our room, probably to say something. She must have seen it all (both of us naked with me on top between DWs legs stretched up in the air) since it was very warm and we were not under the covers. Instead she just just closed the door again and no one has ever commented, had any funny looks or anything. It was just natural and expected and she happened to open the door at the wrong time.
My wife can easily control her volume and is normally very quiet when we have sex so that’s never an issue. However, we have run into squeaky beds several times while traveling with family. Rear entry in the bathroom or on the edge of the bed avoids the bed noise. We are a little old to enjoy the floor nowadays. 🙂
Just insert tab A into slot B and come out smiling…😉
no, I understand. My DW avoids it too. She’s scared someone will hear the bed moving.
honestly, I think you’re worried about the wrong issue. A withdrawer or avoider will figure out some reason not to, regardless of venue. You have to approach that reason underneath. Since it’s family, I’d be willing to bet there is shame involved on her part. The obvious question is why would she care that other married folks find out that other married folks are having sex and it’s enjoyable? She’d be embarrassed is likely the answer. But if she was pursuing the sex, like you are, then she’d be game to figure out a work around. As it is, you will never be able to figure one out on your own. I would doubt she’d ever accept it. Nothing wrong with asking for ideas, just don’t gets your hopes up that she’ll excitedly buy into one, because then you’ll be disappointed and that will show, then the spiral starts.
In my estimation there are two ways to work this. Both have risk/reward you have to calculate on your own.
1. Accept her premise and forget about sex, try to enjoy the trip and be gracious. Then hope she sees and appreciates your actions.
2. Initiate sex with a confident attitude expecting success, then if she revolts for whatever reason, walk away like it doesn’t matter to you. If she acquiesces, lean into it and enjoy. If at any point her discomfort starts to affect you, just stop and move on. Don’t pout.
You can lead in love either way, but lead you should.
Lots of good suggestions here. Could also consider white noise or cover noise. You can get a small white noise machine fairly cheaply, and then use the ocean sounds or similar setting. Best if you use it more than just when you’re ML, so it doesn’t seem obvious. Depending on where you’re going, a fan can be great cover noise too. If you’re driving, pack your own. If flying, that probably won’t be an option. Music is another good option, but again, have it on not just when you’re getting busy.
DW and I have too much recent some-what related experience in this area (staying with relatives vs. a condo): several months ago she started 1 week stays with a relative with medical issues, with her back home for several weeks in between (wish it were vacation time!). I visit on the weekend portion and we are motivated to get some intimate time in. The bed we initially slept in had a broken box spring. It sounded like the frame had an intractable groan with the least movement, but we eventually understood the problem and swapped with one stored in the garage. It was dramatically quieter and good to use the bed as well as not wake each other with the least movement. The floor did work fairly well even though we aren’t as young as we used to be.
In general, I’ve noticed that guest beds, at least at my relatives, tend to have problems to include loud noises with the least encouragement. Maybe this is to limit activity to sleep. but more likely a temporary home for beds that should be fully retired. So be kind to your married guests and ensure that they have a solid bed/frame to sleep on. so they can go at it with vigor and enthusiasm. Also check out any guest bed you will be sleeping on at first opportunity. It doesn’t hurt knowing early that is between the floor or shower (or whatever other options there are) early for planning purposes.
We are also very diligent about locking the door. The relative tends to say “is anyone in here” as she swings the door open. DW works hard at keeping her verbal enthusiasm contained as the walls are thin, but the HVAC is loud so she can relax a bit when it is running (have bumped down the AC just prior!). I also bring lube, our Liberator travel-size sex blanket packed, etc. in my bag.
Back to your vacation, when we would stay with our two kids in regular hotel room on trips/vacations, we only did it a few times in the bathroom. As someone mentioned, rear-entry with her leaning over the bathroom counter was the best option we found too. Counting my blessings now, but most of the time when in that situation, DW was a gatekeeper and we just did without. More recently, we try to stay at a condo with multiple bed rooms and have had no problems, usually early as our kids are eager to sleep until the last possible moment.
Good luck on your vacation!
We don’t have a lot of experience in this. Really, our only times dealing with this is when visiting family and using their guest rooms. Recommendations I have are similar to what others said: make sure the bed is quiet, stay as non-verbal as you can, wait until the house is empty or it’s late at night, and perhaps use white noise. However, remember that white noise in your room will sound louder to you than it will to someone outside your room…so while it might work well to cover noise from a vibe, it won’t do as well to cover noise from people. Some sort of noise in the room where the other people are would be more effective.
Oh, and on the related note, if you can choose a room that does NOT share a wall with anyone that might hear you, that is most helpful. Similarly, the bottom floor is preferable to the top.
Two years ago we had sex with all our kids in the same hotel room sleeping. With them being older and us having much more involved sex these days, I don’t think we’ll be able to pull that off anymore.