QOTD-6/8/2020- What is the funniest method to avoid PE?

    What is the funniest or quirkiest method you and your spouse have used to avoid premature ejaculation? 

    DW and I play the “animal game”. We start with A and then name an animal whose name starts with the letter A and so on down the alphabet. Let’s just say it takes considerable effort to even think of common animal names. Lol

    On the floor Asked on June 8, 2020 in Question of the Day.

    to add another level of difficulty, we used to play “the animal game” with our kids in the car. Goes like this – start with A, name and animal whos name starts with A, the next player must name an animal who’s name starts with the last letter of the previous animal.

    Ardvark

    Kangaroo

    Octopus

    etc.

    on June 8, 2020.
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    15 Answer(s)

      I have nothing to add to this, all I know is my husband has had to say he has had to disconnect his mind and think about other things as well. And he is at that age and place where he now has to be intentional to think about sexual things to get the proper stimulation for arousal and completion.

      Even though this is off-topic, I wanted to say that I really related to @Tim’s words about his wife. I have had those similar feelings and wishes. There’s a side of it that gives a woman a sense of empowerment (maybe a slight sex-goddess if you will) when a man can’t keep control with her. And too much control (long-lasting) can feed into feelings of inadequacy and failure.

      Under the stars Answered on June 8, 2020.

      Which I would guess the opposite is true for the man… the empowerment comes when they can last and go long, and the sense of inadequacy and failure comes when they go quick…. isn’t it funny how God puts us together to work, and how easily the enemy could come in and wreak havoc on our differences?

      on June 8, 2020.

      Amen to this. All those years we got her a quick reliable O thru manual then I would race to finish in a couple of minutes. This worked really well but often left me feeling inadequate and not as fulfilled. It turns out it was actually the best way for us but left me frustrated and disappointed. Again, now that I can last I’m not feeling any more fulfilled due to difficulty in reaching O and her lack of enjoyment. Time for growth!

      on June 8, 2020.

      I think you’re definitely onto something here @SC, at least for some couples.

      While working to find ways to last long enough for Zelda to O from PIV+vibe, I had a couple mishaps where I really struggled to stay hard and/or finish, with one time even requiring a by-hand finish. Even after months of working on this, it’s still not straightforward to avoid going softer than ideal for a while and requiring some hand assist to get hard again. Zelda says it doesn’t bother her, but a few months ago we were stuck with a vibe-free quickie one afternoon and she literally told me she wanted me to show her how fast I could finish. After a few seconds of questioning her, I accepted it and took her quickly (<45 sec). She walked around with a proud smirk on her face the rest of the day, and even I was a bit proud that I could still “bring it”.

      As a dude, I’m certainly proud of being able to last longer now. It may stem, in part, from all the cultural jokes of poor lovers not being able to last long. But a lot of it is that Zelda would rarely O if I couldn’t last. Bringing her to O without simultaneous PIV is quite time consuming and less pleasurable for her, so I’m sure she’d opt out much of the month if I hadn’t learned this skill.

      -Scott

      on June 8, 2020.

      My DW is a lot like you SC. She sometimes even tries to get me to go fast as it enhances her feelings of sexiness. I get that it can make her and other wives feel irresistible.

      Maybe you and your husband could focus on other ways for you to get that feeling? Pulling in for a kiss like in the movies or him “being hungry” for your body?

      Personally if DW and I are having a full on session PE’ing makes it far less enjoyable from a pleasure standpoint. After spending 30 mins to an hour pleasuring DW to multiple Os it can be quite a letdown to enter and then go in 30 seconds.

      Don’t get me wrong I want to pleasure DW but I also want some time to enjoy my own pleasure.

      To me lasting longer isn’t about prowess. It’s about fully enjoying the moment. If it wasn’t the case that we would get chafed after a while I would want to thrust for an hour or more without O’ing because it feels so good.

      on June 8, 2020.

      I have a maybe slightly different take on your idea here, Similar to SLS.

      I’ve had experiences all along this spectrum. PE to DE to NE (no ejaculation). My DW also knows and employs quick triggers on me now and then. Seems more often lately. And, like you, she gets some level of satisfaction from her abilities. Whether that is self esteem boosts or power to control is not always clear to me. Sometimes when she does that, I just lean into it and enjoy the ride. I want her to feel good about pleasuring me. Other times I feel slighted. I have stopped her before and when she protests or asks why, I’ve simply said I’m not ready to be finished. Other times I am disappointed because it basically means she has decided that she is getting little physical pleasure out of the act and just as soon it be over. That’s a hard place to be for a man. Especially one who is trying to be unselfish and wants sex to be pleasurable for his wife. It’s a touchy situation. Yes, she’s trying to “pleasure” you, but the bell of duty sex starts ringing in your head. Especially when it has been rung clearly in the past. So I would just say that power is one wives should wield carefully and make it clear why they wield it. Go overboard showing satisfaction for his pleasure, tell him how it makes you feel sexy and the “goddess of love”. A husband wants to make his wife happy. Period.

      As far as power for the man, it is not so dissimilar than what you describe for the woman. My ultimate power trip comes from giving my wife orgasmic pleasure out of her control. When I have experienced PE, my first thought is I failed to give my wife opportunity to get pleasure. It’s a little different because, as we know, the man’s orgasm is virtually inevitable whereas the female orgasm is nothing close to that. But this puts more responsibility, unfortunately, on the wife because it puts her in more control of the end – and knowing how female orgasm is so closely connected to mental state, she controls BOTH ends in these situations. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not suggesting malevolent motivation, just that in this, a man has less control of the situation than many would think. These thoughts of inadequacy can even creep in after I’ve given her an O prior to PIV. Why? Because I know if I go off like a bottle rocket now, odds are I’ll go off like one next time too. It starts to rob you of the joy of the moment. And then it becomes a death spiral.

      And finally, let’s not avoid the elephant in the room. If a man has been exposed to the fallacies of porn, he has the idea in his head that the way to please a woman is be able to jack-hammer her for 15-30 minutes and come on command only after she has had multiple orgasms from your powerful thrusting. The depth of that mind training will vary with timing and extent of exposure. Go back to my earlier statement – husbands want to please/pleasure their wives. And for the most part, that is a mystical thing we are constantly chasing. The one thing that seems to make sense to our reptilian brain is that if I go off in 30 seconds or less, that ultimate goal is lost and it’s all my fault. Add to that, if you’re already a little insecure in your masculinity and your wife is pulling that trigger early for you, it does nothing to build your masculinity.

      on June 10, 2020.
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        Look left.

        Seriously.

        Background: as part of working to rekindle our marriage and MB last year, I started working on lasting longer so that Zelda could get more enjoyment out of it. We enjoyed a lot of side-of-the-bed stuff at that time, and one part of that was because I tended to last longer while standing. I have long used mental distraction to try to last longer, and I found that looking left (in the standing position) into my walk-in closet while having sex gave me many distractions, objects to focus on, etc. Not only did it keep me from seeing my wife mating with me, but it far surpassed closing my eyes by providing something else to process.

        Eventually, we moved onto our “go to” position for most sessions. There isn’t really anything to the left in that position for me to look at, but I’ve found that I’ve “classically trained” myself to last longer by looking left since I did it a lot there for a while. It now even works in the dark, with my eyes closed, and in most positions. Looking to the right has some benefit, but not nearly as much as looking left.

        The things we do for love…

        -Scott

        Under the stars Answered on June 8, 2020.
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          I don’t think it is a funny method, but in addition to what others mentioned about thinking about work or some other mundane thing, I have counted: 1 thousand, 2 thousand, 3 thousand…

          Other times holding my breath and not moving has been effective.

          Under the stars Answered on June 8, 2020.
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            My ‘go to’ method is to think about a  work-related problem I am dealing with. Sometimes, though, this can work too well…

            On the floor Answered on June 8, 2020.

            amen to that…

            on June 8, 2020.
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              Tim, I am the same way. When we first got married and for several years after, typically,  I couldn’t last long at all.  My wife would tease me about being a minute man and sometimes, she was generous saying that.  sometimes, I could last 2 or 3 minutes. Around age 40, I could last a lot longer and could go a long time if I wanted to. My wife was not impressed.  She is all for a lots of foreplay etc., but once the actual sex act is started, she will orgasm within 2 or 3 minutes and wants me to finish right after that.

              On the floor Answered on June 8, 2020.

              What you are describing sounds perfect for us. Sorry it’s not working for you. I think if my wife could O from PIV I wouldn’t get hung up and not be able to get there. I mentioned it in another post, but my wife’s lack of enjoyment/enthusiasm for extended PIV(longer than 4 or 5 min) has become a major stumbling block for us now that I can go longer. We are going to have to figure out some work arounds and look at it as an opportunity for growth.

              on June 8, 2020.
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                Thanks for the question, SLS. I’m so glad you asked this.

                I don’t have anything to add, but wanted to say thanks for the answers. DH hasn’t struggled with this for the most part. However, now that he’s older, its like some of you said. You can now last longer and almost too long. He thinks now that it sometimes takes too long, but I shared this with him, in the hopes that he will now realize (and believe me!!) that he is normal and average!!

                Under the stars Answered on June 8, 2020.
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                  Early on, before we learned a lot of the helpful things that have made our LM such a satisfying experience, I would try things like suddenly saying, “Electric bill!” or “Laundry!” and (whether I had said something or not) I could tell he was sitting there concentrating really hard on basically not feeling anything. That was disheartening to me because I wanted him to be engaged and interested. It never occurred to me to think of it as a compliment to my prowess! I did fear that he would worry about his own ability, so I have been very careful to never express any negativity about his longevity. We have worked together to try to help him last longer, but I have always assured him (truthfully!) that I was satisfied with our love life whether he ever lasted long enough for me to orgasm from PIV (which would be a really long time!) or not.

                  It’s really freeing to realize that a Hubby’s Helper is really the same as the master artist’s brush or the writer’s pen, or the violinist’s bow. It’s the artist wielding the tool that creates the WOW, not the tool itself. 😉

                  Under the stars Answered on June 9, 2020.
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                    I tried quite a few things over the years that worked to varying degrees. The funniest thing to me is that now that I’ve reached my mid 40s all of a sudden I can pretty much go as long as I want and my wife doesn’t like it. 😕

                    She actually enjoyed knowing I couldn’t help myself. Now that I can last she often feels like it’s because I’m no longer as excited by her. I always wanted to be able to use multiple positions and be able to go for awhile and now that I can I’m finding it overated. I’m sure our feelings on it would be vastly different if my wife got more that just minimal pleasure from the actual PIV. I’ll just say it’s been terribly disappointing for us.

                    Fell out of ... Answered on June 8, 2020.
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                      I can sum it up in two words: bathroom break. 😉

                      On the floor Answered on June 8, 2020.
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                        Early in our marriage I had a quick trigger. To fight this, I would perform math equations in my mind. Oddly enough, it seemed to help! I know that this is odd but I’m a techie!

                        Hammock Answered on June 10, 2020.
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