QOTD – 7-27-2020- What’s your ideal amount of time spent in sexual activity?

    What would be the ideal of amount of time to spend on a single sexual encounter with your spouse?

    How much time for foreplay, how much time for intercourse, etc?

    On the floor Asked on July 27, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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    25 Answer(s)

      10-15 minutes…. total. If he wants, throwing in a back rub beforehand can be beneficial…and that can add 10-30 minutes.

      I am sorry, I don’t have, 45 minutes, an hour, two hours to spend on sex every single time or every single day. I see it as something similar to eating 6 little meals, or consistently picking up or cleaning up, as things collect, rather than waiting for a cleaning day once a week or two. The more you maintain, the less time it takes to do the actual job in that moment. And throwing in a feast or deep clean once a month, where we do take a couple of hours, seems to keep satisfaction up.

      Is it truly ideal? Maybe not. But it is in this season of life and at the frequency we maintain.

      Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2020.
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        It depends on the sexual encounter.

        For ‘planned’ sexual intimacy about 20 to 45 minutes. This includes some warm-up innuendo as we head to the bedroom. Then there’s bathing time. Perhaps some getting started on one’s own. Moving on to cuddling, caressing, full-on foreplay, and PIV.

        If masturbation is on the menu, it can be 2-3 minutes for me to 15 minutes for Mrs. Oldbear.

        We also count non-orgasmic intimacy as sexual activity. Sort of as @SC describes as 6 little meals. We count any kind of loving bodily closeness as sexual activity. Such things as: kissing passionately, playing with each other’s ass as we kiss, cupping  her breasts in my hands from behind and whispering lovely things into her ear, embracing while enjoying a bit of a grind, etc. These are actions we take with each other that would never be taken with another person. We have lots of those, ranging from a few seconds to a few minutes.

        Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2020.

        I absolutely agree.

        on July 27, 2020.
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          If we know its our scheduled sex night and we get to bed at a proper hour, 5 to 10 min of foreplay is great, than another 5 to 10 minutes or so, of manual stimulation for each. If we get to PIV, whatever DH does is great, usually a few minutes.

          We also don’t see how people can regularly spend an hour having sex!

          Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2020.

          We both have more than one orgasm! We are both wired for several, so why stop at one?


          on July 27, 2020.
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            Ideal around here is 45 min, maybe 15-20 of that being foreplay/other than PIV. I think it’s changed a little over the years.
            When thinking on this, my mind wandered and I recalled a comedy bit by the Flight Of The Conchords called ‘Business Time.’
            Wife: “Two minutes?! That’s it?!”
            Husb: “Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven.”

            Fell out of ... Answered on July 27, 2020.
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              Ideal time for readiness (from when we start preparations till we get in bed): 15 mins

              Right now because of DW’s OCD, her emotional state, and preparation of birth control methods it can take 45 mins to an hour to get ready for sex. I hope that in the future as her treatment progresses we might get that down to 10-15 mins.

              Ideal time for foreplay: ~18 mins

              DW can get aroused pretty quickly (especially with a vibrator) so we usually spend 5-10 mins in foreplay. I’d like to spend a bit more time so that she can O, recover, and be aroused again before intercourse. I would also like to maybe have a little foreplay attention on myself.

              Ideal time for intercourse: 10 minutes (counting lulls in thrusting maybe 15 mins)

              This time period allows for plenty of variation in thrusting (slow, fast, deep shallow, etc.) and also gives enough time to fully enjoy the act.

              Right now I can only do 20 seconds or so of sustained hard and fast thrusting before I ejaculate. I hope to be able to one day last for two minutes or so as it is extremely pleasurable and DW has almost Oed from such thrusting in the past.

              On the floor Answered on July 27, 2020.

              SLS can you withdraw right before PONR and do it a couple times to prolong the thrusting?

              on July 27, 2020.

              Thats an interesting idea. I’ve hesitated to try something like that because the act of pulling out at that point can actually send me over the edge. Then I miss out on ejaculating in DWs vagina, which puts a damper on the encounter.

              on July 27, 2020.

              @SLS: IIRC, even just staying put inside your DW is enough to get you to the PONR. That’s unfortunate, as that’s a trick I’ve used to great success. You might continue trying that every so often as you age, as I don’t think I could do it when I was your age either.

              @SoA’s idea is a decent one, but you do have to be careful upon not just the exit, but the re-entry. A few months ago I did an exit so she could adjust position, re-entered, then immediately hit PONR with like 1.5 thrusts. The few seconds outside changed things so that re-entry had a lot of sensations like the first entry…but now she was post-O (so much more blood filled/tighter) and I was much more mentally and physically aroused. And remember, this is coming from a guy that has worked up to pulling off up to 50 min of PIV when necessary.


              on July 27, 2020.
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                As others have mentioned, “ideal” depends on a lot of factors. If we’re both tired and wanting something quick, it’s the right time of her Follicular Phase, and it’s been more than a couple days, then the ideal time is <5 min of warmup followed by ~10 min of PIV+vibe for a single O for her, shortly followed by me…then clean up and pass out. But most times will be considerably longer, with the average being quite a bit of non-physical foreplay, 5-15 min of semi-sexual or moderately sexual touching, then 15-20 min for PIV+vibe to get her an O, followed by several more minutes of PIV+vibe for my enjoyment. 45 minutes for us is a pretty good number for all the physical stuff (though cuddling can last extended times after that…basically until we’re both unconscious). Certain times in her Luteal Phase will stretch up to 90 minutes because of all the buildup required, plus up to 45 min of PIV+vibe, plus some additional time of fingers+vibe or just vibe only. A few of those times, we’ve both agreed it might have been better to forego the chasing of her O.

                Frankly, the best times are when I can “ruin” her, which is a good time in her Follicular Phase but we aren’t so tired, so she can pop out a PIV+vibe O in ~10 min with minimal foreplay, but then I continue doing whatever I want to please her/me and get her another O, which takes another 10-25 min (and that plateau for the second O is pretty much constant bliss for her). It’s nice to know at the end that she is “drained” or “wrung out”! My real wish is to get that bliss period stretched out to 90-120 minutes sometime (with more like 4-5 O’s if she’s capable), but she’d have to be willing to switch back and forth from PIV+vibe to fingers+vibe with maybe a dash or oral+fingers in there. We currently don’t have that time or energy, plus I think she’s self-conscious of that much time/attention on her.

                Sorry for the long answer!


                Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2020.
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                  To answer the Header question, ALL of it. That sounds flip, but really the best way to be able to bring a pot to a boil quickly is to keep it at a low simmer all the time.

                  Single encounter of concentrated activity, I would love to spend several hours at it–loving, then resting, then loving again, etc. Start with cuddling while watching a movie or something, and let it turn into more. Make out on the couch for a while, then go to bed and just stay there for the rest of the night and into the next afternoon.

                  We’ve somehow always found ourselves too distracted during the refractory period to not go off and get interested in something else.

                  Under the stars Answered on July 28, 2020.
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                    The time it takes for both of us to experience pleasure, arousal and orgasms and feel satisfied.

                    We don’t time our lovemaking or the different parts of it, but more often than not it is around 45 minutes from start to finish. It varies though…

                    The other night we both were highly aroused, felt intense pleasure and had very nice and powerful orgasms, all within 10 minutes.

                    Other times there’s no special foreplay. I just lay on top of my wife with my penis fully inside her. We look each other deep in the eyes, kiss, feel our bodies against each other, the sensations of my penis inside her and her vagina around my penis and enjoy the intense closeness and connection. We move our hips a little to actually feel our physical connection. After maybe 20-30 minutes of this soft thrusting and grinding we have a sweet orgasm each..

                    Most common, though, is cuddling, caressing and kissing. Then foreplay with hands and sometimes mouths on breasts and genitals until my wife has an orgasm or tell me she need my penis inside her and then orgasms. After that, I have my orgasm. Always inside her except for hand jobs.   After a few minutes of cool down, we roll apart and cuddle into dreamland.

                    Hammock Answered on July 27, 2020.
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                      My wife would kill me if I took 45 min of actual sex. Forplay 15 min. She orgasms PIV extremely fast. So total might be another 15min

                      Twin bed Answered on July 27, 2020.
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                        Well, in my “ideal”, the goal would be till we’re both satisfied and feel connected. Sometimes that’s a quick 10-12 minutes of hot, raw passion; other times it’s something along the lines 30-45 minutes.

                        I also love extending the time on occasion to upwards of 60-120 minutes with showering together, kissing, making out, talking, throw in a sensual or erotic full body massage and now we’re up to an hour or more without even getting to manual, oral and PIV which could be another 15-30 minutes of activities to both O.  I wish we could do this more but that’s a lot of time and effort and with teens in the house, we’d either be going to bed way to early a lot or staying up later than either of us can tolerate too often.

                        Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2020.
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