QOTD-9-28-2020-What does sex mean to you?

    This question was inspired by the following post from J at Hot, Holy, and Humorous.

    “But what does sex mean to you? That is, when you think about sex, what words or feelings come to mind? Excitement? Pressure? Acceptance? Conflict? Intimacy?

    On the floor Asked on September 27, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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    16 Answer(s)

      Intimacy. Total emotional connection. Peace. Satisfaction. Gratitude and happiness. Like absolutely nothing else.

      It took me years to realize that while my wife also enjoyed sex, her emotional reactions and feelings were different, and in turn she didn’t understand mine.

       

      King bed Answered on September 28, 2020.

      Outstanding comment. I especially liked the second paragraph.

      -Scott

      on September 28, 2020.

      Yes, I don’t think sex itself is emotionally connecting for me, it’s how it opens my husband up that makes me feel close

      on September 28, 2020.
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        Being fully connected, being intimate and doing that one thing together that you can’t do with anyone else. Being close to each other and pushing the ‘world” away and spending some time with your lovely spouse.

        My wife doesn’t need or want as much intimate time together, not sure why, I am usually the one that wants it more.

        On the floor Answered on September 28, 2020.
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          In a way, I wish that my answer was for both of us. Sex is a multi step dance for two willing partners. Each should be fully open to each other emotionally and physically. Each dance partner should be respectful of each other’s likes and dislikes in their marriage bed. An orgasm for each is the ultimate goal, but in the end there is a loving emotional connection between the two dance partners.

          California King Answered on September 27, 2020.
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            I am reminded of the words of Saladin in the movie “Kingdom of Heaven”:  

            “it is nothing…… but it means everything!”   

            Sex probably means too much at times. But can anyone decrease its true meaning? God puts it in high esteem, yet warns of its power. 

            in many ways, it makes us who we are. It defines our very being. I am male because of sex. Yet the sex act should not define me. When you are a young man, sex is what drives you. 

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on September 28, 2020.
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              To me, sex means my DH’s warm body, his precious hands, and cuddling in the afterglow with the feeling of oneness.

              Under the stars Answered on September 28, 2020.
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                Not in any order:

                Connection…release…fun….closeness…intimacy…special…powerful act

                Under the stars Answered on September 28, 2020.
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                  For me, the good feelings that come to mind when I think of sex are the emotional connection with my wife, excitement, intimacy, fun, enticing visuals, sensations, etc.

                  The ”less good”  feelings I get when I think about sex are  ‘will my DW be able to orgasm’, and how can we keep our marriage bed fresh and exciting?

                  Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on September 28, 2020.
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                    Currently… what comes to mind… hard work and dread. But I can push past that and give the “right answers”. Except, “emotional connection”, I very rarely feel it via sex.

                    Under the stars Answered on September 28, 2020.

                    Well supposed to be a gift and our answers flow down from that?  I have a very hard time verbalizing what sex means to me?  Know what I am supposed to say!  I might also say work and dread but that is not it.  Now wondering if I have or the DW has had an emotional connection vis sex?   Regardless seems the way of a man and a maid a mystery in some respects?

                    on September 28, 2020.

                    For me it means pleasure. I like  how i feel close afterward but it’s not something spiritual to me or anything but what it is. I do feel closer to H afterward and i think it’s necessary  but i do identify somewhat with SC, if my H sought daily or every other day sex i would definitely feel dread

                    on September 28, 2020.
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                      It certainly means emotional & physical intimacy with my life’s faithful partner. … (even occasionally recapturing the wonder and excitement that I felt in exploring my first girlfriend’s body as a 16 year old and learning for the first time about my own responses to hers) then,  remembering the early years of DW giving herself to me in small steps, making each one a highly-treasured gift that was exclusively mine.

                      And now for me  (not so much for DW) it is refusal to surrender a decline in both desire and physical ability to the march of time…   A commitment to make the most of what we both still have and aspire to enjoy the best sex  in all of its manifestations that we’ve ever had now that our nest is empty and  the pressures of work and career are over.

                      I wish that my DW was not already convinced that 2 to 3X  of vanilla sex /week is “much more frequent for our age than normal” and would reach for the stars with me.

                       

                      On the floor Answered on September 28, 2020.

                      Are you able to get some feel for why she feel that way (your last sentence)?

                      on September 28, 2020.

                      Partly because from the time I started dating her as a Sr in H.S., her parents (then in their 50’s) acted as though that dimension of their lives was already over.  Same for her 2 aunts & their husbands who she saw frequently growing up They were very conservative and also over protective of their only daughter and niece… her ingrained frame of reference was nurturing but definitely not sex-positive.

                      That, along with my own unhappy FOO, was a factor in my desire to seek my/our fortune elsewhere and she was ready for a change too.

                      We moved back to DW’s hometown in 2012 and she has re-connected with her best friend from her school days who married an older man who has been in bad health – both physically and mentally – for the last 8 years.   I don’t know what their relationship had once been but her friend is now more of a care giver and nurse than a wife.  And she has 2 friends our age in her 6-7 person Bible study group (pre-Covid) who are in unhappy long-term marriages.  So, relative to them, I guess 2-3X a week seems like a lot.

                      on September 28, 2020.

                      Perspective is everything, is it not? Maybe you could look around and find some new friends that might give her a different perspective. I know its a long shot, but maybe there is a guy you know who’s getting it all the time you could start hanging with.

                      on September 30, 2020.
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                        • Pleasurable oneness
                        • In-depth intimacy
                        • Heavenly connection
                        Under the stars Answered on September 28, 2020.
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