QOTD – FRIDAY – 4/3/20 – TODAY’S QUESTION OF THE DAY
Our society talks about sex as a physical, animalistic urge and release that you can do with many partners…many different times….with many partners at one time, etc.
HOWEVER, God has a special design and purpose for sex inside of a marriage. When was the last time you & your spouse talked about the meaning of sex? Personally? Emotionally? Spiritually? What is God’s design for it?
DW and I speak about sex and the state of our marriage bed at least on a weekly basis. Our sex life is much better than it was 5 years ago, but I still want to add to the repertoire of our sexual activities, specifically with regard OS. Thus, each week we usually chat about what sexual activities we will do during our regularly scheduled Saturday sex, and what we might do during the rest of the week. The tension for us is I want my DW to experience as much pleasure as possible, and at this point in time it means the use of mainly one vibrator in one kind of position. If I want to explore the use of other positions, or stimulation techniques, she may or may not have an O. So, our normal plan is to do ‘what works for DW’ on the weekend, and to save new things either for Sunday or for some other day during the week.
As for the meaning of sex, yes, we talk about that as well. One insight that I frequently remind her of (and which I shared here) is a marriage is not simply a situation in which two friends are living together. When two people are at the altar getting married, everyone in attendance knows (or should know) that they are making a covenant (in the case of a Christian marriage) to become united in one flesh exclusively with each other for the rest of their lives. Their sexual union bonds them as a couple, and is source of new life. Thus, each spouse needs to understand that once the “I Do’s” are over, they need to enthusiastically become the best lover they can be for their spouse.
This morning DW & I were talking about some of my past and my ex and it got us to thinking God’s design for sex and then how much couples miss the boat by not talking about it, what it means to God….to each other. I’ve heard it said it is a spiritual act of worship to God. It is an intimate act of spiritual and emotional connection as a couple. It is an act of trust and submission to one another. Kissing is an intimate act of trust. (Don’t believe it? Try kissing your wife when she’s angry.) Intercourse is an act of trust and submission. The woman is accepting a foreign object inside her. WOW! What a plan by God.
If we can’t or won’t talk about it as a couple, how can we fully engage as a couple to fulfill God’s design relationally in marriage and for sexual oneness?
Talking about sex and our sex life is a regular thing for us, because talking about the meaning of it isn’t so monumental for us, as it may be for others, I have no recollection of the timing we last specifically talked about that.
I think if parents are wanting to be intentional to teach our children what God-intended sex and marriage looks like, talking about the meaning of it needs to be a fairly common thing in the household, not just between the couple.
How about yesterday? Is that an ok answer? 😀
Sometimes we look back at our former years as a couple and where we are now. Recently, because we are self-isolating these days and working from home, we have been talking about sex and its place in our marriage and its meaning more than usual.
I reminded DW this morning of one of the monumental moments in my emotional understanding of sexual union, as well as the bliss of being loved and a major part of me being fully enveloped and embraced by her, 😉 the following thought came to my mind – as if I was speaking on behalf of my penis! “This is where I want to live and get my workouts in your hands and have my vacations in your mouth!”
I know that kind of statement may not work for some of you. But, for me it was a pivotal and inspirational moment that describes a significant part of what God has blessed us with in marriage!
Probably quite a few times in the last few months, mainly because i’m doing a lot of growing. Also telling him (he does not read TMB and kind of thinks it’s over the top in a lot of posts) that i’ve learned and am dismayed at, that sex is a requirement in marriage and that one should always have the attitude of Yes, dear instead of stonewalling, gatekeeping, and refusing (both sexes) and that IS NOT being taught anywhere, let alone the churches or to young engaged people. There is so much more that could be taught also (like responsive desire and LD, HD).
Like Brynna, there isn’t a scheduled time for discussion. Sometimes it will be in a restaurant, sometimes in the hot tub, sometimes lying in bed. We both have to be in the right frame of mind, not tired, not pressured, not forced, just relaxed. Once we get through these long days, I think our next book will be Solomon on Sex.
Edited to correct name 🙂
Except for maybe early in or marriage or while engaged, I don’t know if we’ve had a huge all-encompassing talk about it ever.
However, we’ve had on/off talks on smaller subsets at a given time many times, particularly over the last 9 months with our renaissance. It’s an ever-evolving topic that we gain new insight into regularly.
Society has it wrong, way wrong, but I would imagine everyone here knows this well. It is a terrible thing the way that the world and the enemy has deceived so many into what they now believe.
I am reading Genesis currently and trying to reflect on the way it all began.