Refractory Period

    Is there any way to decrease a man’s refractory period?  Does it simply decrease if you O more regularly (daily instead of weekly)?

    Any exercises to minimize it? Do kegels help?

    I believe it gets longer as you get older yes?

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    13 Answer(s)

      Having more orgasms will make your refractory period longer, not decrease it.  Refractory period definitely gets longer as you get older. Younger, it might be minutes to an hour, as you get older, it will be hours and even a full day. ED meds can shorten a lot though.

      Fell out of ... Answered on October 20, 2019.

      I wasn’t clear – sorry.  I updated the question to reflect the intent.  Does it help to O more often – not in 1 day, but day by day.

      IE Someone who O’s daily or twice a day, can they build up a reduced refractory period?  Instead of someone who O’s only once a week.

      on October 20, 2019.
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        What made a huge difference in my husband is getting his testosterone numbers up to his optimal level.

        Under the stars Answered on October 20, 2019.
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          I don’t think more frequent O’s will make much of a difference, but you could experiment and find out. 😉

          If you’re getting enough rest and drinking enough fluids, and if you’re in good health, that helps decrease refractory periods. Some of it is also related to genetics and aging, too, which are both unavoidable.

          I have found that kegels help with increasing muscle tone. They mainly help with control, however.

          And yes, it does get longer as you get older. Wait, you were still talking about refractory period, weren’t you? 😉

          Do you have a particular goal in mind?

          California King Answered on October 20, 2019.
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            I’m not sure of this, but it would seem to me that edging or priming the pump might help.

            Under the stars Answered on October 20, 2019.
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              O’ing doesn’t reduce ones refractory period…and yes, it increases as one gets older.

              On the floor Answered on October 20, 2019.
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                To piggyback:  Is there an emotional aspect to the refractory period? I always felt like it would be nice if DH could muster the impression of wanting round two, even if he couldn’t physically manage it. Instead, once he’s done, he’s done and doesn’t seem like he is really interested in sex any more until at least a day later. Is there a connection between the physical arousal of an erection and the desire to engage in activity that stimulates the wife?

                Under the stars Answered on October 20, 2019.
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                  @Duchess: what do you mean by “wanting” and second, is H willing to continue with you until you O? Or are you saying he doesn’t care about you if he O’s first?

                  I would say that desire/drive is a personal/personality and definitely age thing, that may change from day to day. Personally, when done, I feel close to my wife and we love to lay in each other’s arms but my immediate desire is simply that and rest/sleep and most of the time my physical “drive” for sex is done. HOWEVER, if we’re together for the rest of the day, we might try something again, especially when the kids aren’t around BUT in my 50s, my ability to orgasm again within 1-4 hrs is not usually going to happen. At 6-12 hrs, I can usually do so if DW gives a lot of oral and manual stimulation and we take our time kissing and foreplay with her too. I’m also a HD male and I would say she is too as long as I stay emotionally connected to her.  When we got married a few years ago, we talked about what would be a good amount, she said 4-5x/wk…OK!!!!!! (I was just hoping  for 3-4x and at our ages (early 40’s & 50’s) , I think we’re doing great!)

                  I will always try to get my DW to O first because I believe in being a gentlemen and that “ladies first” applies to the bedroom too. I don’t want her to resent me or feel that the sex or her body is just about me “getting off” so I always try to serve her.  There are times when she just knows it’s not gonna happen(hormones/cycle) and it’s about me and there are other times when she says it’s about me and in turning me on, she gets so turned on that O’ing becomes a strong possibility and desire for her.

                  On the floor Answered on October 21, 2019.
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                    I believe that erectile dysfunction drugs like sildenafil (viagra) can reduce the refractory period.

                    As to the emotional aspect of the refractory period, when a man reaches orgasm his body releases oxytocin. This is known as the “cuddle hormone” in women, but tends to make men sleepy.

                    California King Answered on October 21, 2019.
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                      If refractory period means how long it takes a man to get hard again,  what is a normal time?  DH and I make love every day, and each session usually include 3 erections and ejaculations by him.  Does the refractory period mean how much time between each erection?  Or how much time between each session we have?

                      Queen bed Answered on October 25, 2019.

                      Sounds a little too good to be true.

                      on October 25, 2019.

                      Yep. I thought the same.

                      on October 25, 2019.

                      I’d trade it all for once a week, if it meant i’d get to O :/

                      on October 25, 2019.

                      Samantha, As I suggested on your “Mismatched Body” thread, make a new thread about that in the “Vagina Problems” category. Assuming, of course, that you have read all the posts about O problems already. What you have described for your situation is very normal. My wife went >12 yr of married life before her first O. Stories like ours are not uncommon. Many people here are willing to chime in to help and have a huge amount of combined experience.

                      on October 25, 2019.
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                        @Samantha:

                        I believe the refractory period is technically the period of time after orgasm when the nerves are not responsive to more sexual stimulation. Basically, that means a person can’t get physically aroused (erect) again until that window is over.

                        What you’re describing is rather impressive and I think possible for only a small percentage of men. The only session I’ve had like it was on our honeymoon when DW and I did PIV the first time. We badly botched things so that she wasn’t lubricated at all…the combination of her unlubricated vagina  (which felt odd and didn’t allow for real thrusting) plus my nerves made me do what I can only describe as a “partial” ejaculation. After it, I was able to continue without withdrawing or ever losing my erection.

                        On the floor Answered on October 25, 2019.
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