Removing the Veil of Anonymity

    I was just reading the QnAs about sharing TMB with others, and it led to this question.This question may not have much of an audience that is currently here, but I’m gonna ask anyway 🙂

    For those who have removed the veil of anonymity, meaning, knowing the full identity of another TMBer…

    1) Have you noticed it having an impact, whether positive or negative, on what you are willing to share and how you relate things here on TMB?  

    2) Has it impacted, whether positive or negative, how you view or relate to that individual?

    3) Any other thoughts from your personal experience? I am sure there can be cautions and benefits/blessings.

    I’ll answer with my own personal experience inthe “answers”.

    Under the stars Asked 5 days ago in None of The Above.
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    12 Answer(s)

      Some of my closest real life friends are from TMB. I don’t think the new version lends itself so well to that, but the old version tended to be much more conversational in nature, so while you might not know another persons identity, you got to feel like you knew them pretty well.

      I won’t say who, but my wife and I actually went to eat with another couple I met thru TMB, and there are a few others that if the opportunity arose, I wouldn’t hesitate.

      On the other hand, as SC pointed out I wouldn’t introduce any of my friends outside TMB to the forum, because of the likelyhood that anonymity could be lost.

      On the floor Answered 5 days ago.
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        I got to know a few people on the old boards through personal emails and family photos. None of them still participate, unfortunately. It didn’t impact what I shared or how we related to each other.

        On the floor Answered 5 days ago.
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          I can’t say that I have shared my “full identity” with others on this board but I have shared a lot.  The opportunity to honestly communicate with Christian women (especially) concerning  sexual issues that help me better understand, support, and develop my DW’s sexuality is invaluable.  It has already blessed and strengthened my marriage.  And some  of these ladies have reciprocated by sharing more in turn, although, like me, they haven’t shared their full name, city of residence, personal contact info etc.  (as noted in #3 below, that’s probably a good thing for all concerned.)

          1) Have you noticed it having an impact, whether positive or negative, on what you are willing to share and how you relate things here on TMB?  

          For me personally, anonymity is only important to the extent that  I don’t want to reveal anything about our MB that my DW would be uncomfortable with someone who could connect her to me knowing.  By nature, I am a pretty transparent person and have always preferred “plain talk” to “nuanced” communication  and I believe its reasonable to believe that this community is what it says it is… adult married or soon-to-be married Christians who are here to teach, learn, and apply the blessings that our Creator intended for our sexuality to be within a God-honoring marriage.  Not people cruising for a hook-up.

          2) Has it impacted, whether positive or negative, how you view or relate to that individual?

          Yes, it’s all positive.   The more they allow me to “know” them  (and them me) the better I understand their advice and experience and how it may apply to my life.  I hope that benefit is mutual.

          3) Any other thoughts from your personal experience? I am sure there can be cautions and benefits/blessings.

          The fact that real people can interactively share their real experience (both emotional and physical) in real time makes this forum much more valuable to me than a book or magazine article.  If the cover of anonymity facilitates that communication – especially between the genders –  it’s a good thing.

          And because face-to-face honest discussion of sexual issues between the genders could lead to temptations that are detrimental to both parties marriages,  it’s probably best that we wait to have our first face-to-face meetings with our brothers and sisters here for when we get to Heaven… we will never be tempted to sin there.

          On the floor Answered 5 days ago.

          Face to face meetings with a spouse(s) involved will be a temptation? It’s funny, one of the first friends I made on here, is midway to a location on my husband’s bucket list to visit, and the plans will be for us, and any kids with us, to stay in his home on the way for a visit. I can say my in person visits, would always involve a spouse, unless it was female, and I know that temptation is not an issue.

          5 days ago.

          Good for you and your DH.

          Although I have invited and encouraged DW to read and participate in this board several times – sent her the link, given her my UN and PW – she has refused because she “doesn’t want to know what other people do in their MB and doesn’t care what they think about what we do or don’t do”.  So I don’t think its likely DW would be a participant in a face-to-face meeting (nor would she want me to.)

          So, in that context, if I had gotten to know a female here well enough to respect her intellect and character and in her posts she had indicated her enjoyment of something in the MB that my DW refuses to participate in, I know I might imagine participating in that activity with her.   Best for me not to go there.

          5 days ago.

          I truly respect you and I know we all have different convictions and stances, which I honor that, so my intent is not to poke at you but to understand. 🙂

          I get the deal with your wife, but what if the meeting was with the woman AND her husband? Don’t you think the reality of seeing the couple, and getting to know them in a new, real way, would change the dynamic of where your thoughts might go? Wouldn’t that remove the temptation part?

          I admit, I am not male, but from experience and from hearing the testimonies of other, both male and female, when meeting, the sexual knowledge about them seems to be the furthest thing from the mind.

          4 days ago.

          “Don’t you think the reality of seeing the couple, and getting to know them in a new, real way, would change the dynamic of where your thoughts might go? Wouldn’t that remove the temptation part?”

          Yes, I believe it would but that meeting could only happen if DW had first “gotten to know her (them)” through this board to the same degree that I had and knew that their commitment to Jesus and to her husband was genuine.  The sad truth is that I can “talk” to women on this board about some sexual subjects  in much more depth than DW will let me go into with her.   Nor ever tried to discuss beyond “yeah, that feels good” with my prior partners.  So, maintaining physical distance mitigates the intimacy (even for a good reason like improving our MB) if that makes sense.

          (On a related note: Other than TMB’s founders and board moderators, I am not aware of a marriage where both spouses are active on this board.  It would be interesting to connect any who are to put their posts into context. )

          3 days ago.
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            I got to know Job29man on the old boards via email and enjoyed our private conversations although they have fallen away. I would have enjoyed Leahs company in real life I am sure and genuinely mourn her recent passing. And I have never been particularly secret about my identity  simply because the chances of knowing or running into me is very slim.

            Becoming famili with people on here makes no difference to how or what I express.

             

            Queen bed Answered 4 days ago.

            Job was a great guy to have in your corner to help you see clearly. I didn’t always see eye to eye with him, but always respected him and gave careful consideration to his words. I don’t keep in touch with him as much as I probably should, but he is one that I consider a real friend. He walked with me thru some pretty dark places, as many here have.

            4 days ago.
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              I have made a very few close long-term friends on the old TMB.

              1. I share more.
              2. Positive.
              3. They have been a real Godsend in helping me with my life. I trust that I have been some encouragement to them also.  I have never met them in person, though that is on my bucket list.  Wife knows about them and where how I met them.

                Thank you TMB (and you know who you are)!

              King bed Answered 4 days ago.
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                As I am fairly new posting here (lurker before), I’m here alone with my thoughts for now.  Not sure if that will change moving forward.  Likely not.  So, I remain anonymous for the time being.

                Queen bed Answered 5 days ago.
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                  First, I do think there’s a difference between knowing someone and then inviting them here, versus getting to know someone in this setting and then being invited to know their identity. The second seems to be easier, and a less vulnerable shift in the relationship, at least for me. Of course I have only taken a chance with one of those options.

                  Just for reference sake, and others know my level of experience, off of a quick count, I can think of about a dozen people whom knows my identity and vice versa, more men than women, although only a few are still a part of TMB.

                  1) I have not noticed an impact either way, I have always been pretty open, and continued to be. My ways and mission did not change by going more personal/identifying.

                  2) Well, there’s definitely more of a personal relationship, and that’s positive. Having a face and name is something that’s always been beneficial to me. Knowing what they look like and who their married to, has kept things real and actually kept some comparisons away, because I don’t have some false, unrealistic image of what they must look like or be like. I believe knowing their sexual side from TMB, hasn’t really influenced how I relate to them personally, except there’s the freedom to talk about sexual issues.

                  3) I am always a cautious person who builds up a trust before taking any kind of steps into revealing personal identifying information. Being open and honest with my husband is key. But I, and even my husband, have been beyond blessed in my friendships, in multiple ways.

                  Under the stars Answered 5 days ago.
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                    Anonymity certainly has its advantages providing perhaps a better platform for being candid. The likelihood of ever meeting anyone from this forum is very remote although I suppose it’s possible. To my knowledge, no one in my circle of friends is on this site, so there is a high level of anonymity for me. There is an element of trust related to being vulnerable here with some things that may or may not be happening in TMB in my marriage. But there is an even greater element of trust if someone decides to reveal identity. For me, that degree of trust presupposes an element of protection afforded the other to keep the “super hero” identity in tact. I think it also assumes that such a friendship would not (or perhaps should not) influence or affect how comments are viewed even if those comments may be challenged. It is an opportunity to learn and grow. So, bottom line, it doesn’t affect how I view comments made nor shape/alter comments I may make. Hope that answers the question.

                    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered 5 days ago.
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                      I’ve only revealed a bit about myself to one person here and vice versa.  They initiated it with an accountability partner which I much appreciated. I admire Christian integrity. Shows that Christ is real to them.

                      Hammock Answered 5 days ago.
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                        The only person I’ve referred to TMB is my then fiancé/now wife. 😀

                        Has it impacted anything? There’s nothing I say here that I haven’t said or wouldn’t say to her if she got on and read it.  It has given us many different conversation starters and things to talk about. There’s been a few things I’ve written that I’ve hoped she’d actually read and catch just to reiterate what I’ve said or in hopes she’d “surprise” me with something I’ve written. 😀

                        Would I intro others in real life? No, not going there. That’d be the end of some of the things I share.

                        Under the stars Answered 5 days ago.
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