Resources for the “larger than average” groom or married man?

    Based on discussions I’ve had on this board in the past and elsewhere online and IRL, I’ve been wondering if there a need to provide some resources/help for the virgin groom and/or married man who happens to be “larger than average” in penis size.

    I know prior to our marriage, I could have used some specific counsel that would have helped bring guidance and encouragement to both me and my bride. And my wife and I have counseled other couples in the same situation and were able to help them.

    I’ve asked a few others, and have gotten answers ranging from “absolutely, this is a need” to “thanks, but we kind of figured out the hurdles and adjustments ourselves.”

    I’ve considered even starting a separate site to explore these issues from a Christian worldview, but perhaps it would be best to start here and find out if there would be any interest in this kind of resource for both these men and the women they’re married to. There are “resources” out there on the Internet, but they’re decidedly from a non-Christian perspective.

    Anyway, I thought I’d gather thoughts and perspectives here before I went any further.


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    20 Answer(s)

      This thread is interesting, to say the least. So when would a dating/engaged couple, both virgins for instance, decide maybe he was bigger than average? Or is that something that would only come up after marriage? What if he was a large, over 6 ft tall guy, and she was small and petite, would that be a sign he might be larger than average, or does stature not really make a difference? Ok, I have no experience, just voicing curiosity here!

      Under the stars Answered on July 22, 2019.

      In our case, we were both virgins. I knew that I was large, from what guys had said to me in the locker room, and my own research. So, when I thought the time was right, just before we got married, I told her. It was after her OB/GYN appointment, when her doctor had told her she was “small” and that things might be difficult at first. So, that was a natural time to let her know that things might be more difficult than her doctor realized. Saying something ahead of time in a tasteful way helped set the tone of good expectations, which helped things go much smoother for us on the wedding night.

      As Elevation points out below, height (foot size, hand size, etc.) has no correlation to penis size.

      Good questions!


      on July 22, 2019.
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        Good question, Brynna.

        This is where the solid adage of open communication is key.

        I think the communication needs to be safe without judgment or embarrassment.  How to bring this up?  This is tricky…If both are virgins, how would they know unless the parents share with them about what to expect in the marriage bed (particularly the bride to bed).

        If afterward, this is where the sex will dictate if there is pain from being too big.

        Tall and short has nothing to do with penis sizes…There are short men who are well-endowed and there are tall men who are not.

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on July 22, 2019.
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          Is there really any guy (teenage boy) out there who hasn’t measured themselves?   I know when two of my sons were young teens, they had measured themselves, at their own initiative, and then were comparing measurements with one another, and then asked their dad “how big” he was.  Maybe all boys/families are not as open as we have experienced, but I would guess that the vast majority of boys/guys/men know where they fall on the measurement scale…and their sexual experience has nothing to do with it.

          Under the stars Answered on July 22, 2019.

          Like Elevation in the comment below, I didn’t measure until I was a young man in college and got curious and decided to do some research. As Elevation points out, the proliferation of porn makes boys and young men worry even more than they used to in the past about “measuring up” and believing false statistics.

          on July 22, 2019.
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            I never measured myself until I was in adult age.  I think this depends on the man.  Sadly, with the advent of porn, I’m sure the size issue has made teen boys measure more and worry if they will ever grow if they are not reaching 6 or 7 inches.

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on July 22, 2019.

            I wish this were not the case, but unfortunately, porn sets false expectations for what is “normal” or “average” penis size.

            on July 22, 2019.
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              Like SC’s boys I measured myself when I was a teenager. I’m analytical so measuring things is my happy place. I also know that from the tip of my thumb to the first knuckle is roughly an inch and from the base of my palm to the tip of my middle finger is 7 inches.

              Fell out of ... Answered on July 22, 2019.
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                From a female perspective, I can say that I was concerned with what would fit from the time I first realized the boy part actually had to go inside the girl part and the sperm didn’t just magically jump from the Daddy to the Mommy when they laid down on the bed together. (Made me a whole lot more relaxed about nap time at the babysitter after that, at least.)* I can remember having a burning and long-lasting curiosity to know what it would feel like to have something in there, so by the time I noticed my DH (then-boyfriend)’s erection for me the first time, I would have noticed if he had been frighteningly over-sized. (Fortunately, he is only regular over-sized. 😉 ) My point is, you don’t have to do any unwrapping to make some fair guesses about this particular wedding package (pun very much intended). Any half-way mutually attracted couple is going to have a fair idea of what to expect, just by looking at the draping of the denim or the khaki.

                *I might have heard some of the medical facts a little too young.

                Under the stars Answered on July 22, 2019.
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                  Honestly I feel that as a christian the issue about size should not be a problem at all provided the couple are faithful Christians. By faithful christian , I am referring to Christians who do not fornicate and are living to please God.  Whether he is big or small, God created him and God surely created the woman he will marry. The two of them will fit together. A christian man prays for God to direct him to his wife ( a woman created by God for the man) God knows who will marry who. In the beginning God made Adam and later made Eve and gave Eve to Adam to marry. She became his help mate. (helping him in sexual matters too , so he will not burn.

                  Size issues may arise when the woman has fornicated and therefore has experience with some size. Comparison will set in. Same with the man too. Secondly, men like to view and compare sizes. If a man did not view another man, how did he notice his size? If a woman did not engage in sex and seen sizes how did the size issue start. When we fall, the devil troubles mankind with unnecessary issues.

                  A virgin female who has not watched porn will not have any issue with penis size. Her husbands penis maybe the first penis she is seeing and the only one she is enjoying. A virgin man who has not watched porn and seen other penis will not have issue with penis size. He will appreciate and cherish his penis.

                  Is there a genuine size issue? God created us all and we are wonderfully and beautifully made. Yes there are different size of penis and body parts in general. Medical science tells us that the vagina can accommodate any size of penis whether great or small. The mind is also a very powerful sex organ. The mind will prompt that’s a good size and its going to be nice enjoying it or that’s small or too big etc.

                  If a baby can be delivered through the vagina, then the big size issue is defeated.

                  The bottom line is, God created us and He created our spouse too. He made us beautiful and wonderful. Therefore we will surely suit each other if we read His word and be doers of His word. Anybody who has failed in any way can get connected to God again and trust that God will fix …….


                  King bed Answered on July 23, 2019.

                  Sam, I appreciate what you’re trying to say here, and I understand where you’re coming from. In fact, I used to think many of the same things. However, I do need to tell you that my wife was a virgin when we married. So was I. She had never viewed porn or committed fornication, but she was not able to accommodate me at all for about six weeks after marriage, and not without pain until we had our first baby. Our story is a bit unusual, I’ll grant, but I think your stance that you’re stating here lacks nuance and is idealistic. The reality is that there are all kinds of couples out there who struggle physically, including with size issues, and their sin isn’t a part of that equation, as you seem to imply. It is possible for a couple to be Godly and even both be virgins and still have physical issues in their marriage.

                  on July 23, 2019.

                  Hahahaaa,  I guess you did not wholly follow my line of argument.   It took us sometime (days) to have PIV. We are still learning after years of marriage. Virgins will have issues with accommodating the penis no matter the size. Virgin men will also have issues with penetration.  The reason is just lack of adequate knowledge. If DW is well lubricated penetration is easy, smooth and enjoyable. How to get her lubricated is a big challenge for newly married virgins. This is one side of the argument that my earlier comments did not address. The sin issue came in just to address, couples who claim their husbands penis is small and therefore inadequate therefore wish its big, that’s one side of the question. And I stated rightly the issue of comparison. Also men feeling small in size because they have seen others bigger or been told they were small .

                  on July 23, 2019.


                  I would classify some of your comments in this thread to be ‘dangerous teachings.’ We live in a fallen world, so things aren’t always perfect. Just because someone is a faithful Christian doesn’t mean their body parts are going to perfectly match their spouses. Some men are truly big and no amount of lubrication is going to make it feel ‘easy, smooth and enjoyable’ for a virgin, or even a non virgin who hasn’t given birth yet. Often, girth is more of the issue than length. The vagina is also designed by God to accommodate a baby during birth, but the size of the baby, along with many other issues can force a c-section to occur. None of these things have anything to do with faithfulness or sin.

                  on July 23, 2019.

                  Folks please the comments I posted are not my own ideas or theories. They are informations I gathered over the years from biology lessons at high school, interactions with medical doctors,  books etc. Please a quick check reveals the following. Thanks.

                  ……”The vagina is a very “elastic” organ, says Christine O’Connor, MD, director of adolescent gynecology and well women care at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore. It is small enough to hold a tampon in place, but can expand enough to pass a child through. This is because the walls of the vagina are similar to those of the stomach, they have rugae, meaning they fold together to collapse when unused, then expand when necessary.

                  “It doesn’t stay one particular size,” O’Connor says. “It changes to accommodate whatever is going on at that time.”

                  …..”We checked in with gynecologist Lauren Streicher, M.D., author of Sex Rx: Hormones, Health, and Your Best Sex Ever, to find out if a penis can ever be too big for your vagina—and what to do if you find yourself dealing with the papa bear of penises.

                  Good news: In general, most vaginas are able to fit all shapes and sizes of penises. “Given appropriate arousal and lubrication, most vaginas can expand to fit whatever size penis,” says Streicher.

                  It’s also pretty rare for women in their twenties and thirties to have problems accommodating more well-endowed men. “It becomes more common as you get older, though, because the likelihood of your having medical or hormonal issues increases,” she says.

                  That said, there are exceptions. “Sometimes, it can seem like a penis is too big for a woman’s vagina. And if that’s the case, the important thing is that you need to figure out why it’s happening—because it can be solved,” says Streicher.

                  There are two big reasons that his man-parts can seem too large. First, you may not be turned on enough. Really. “If a woman is not aroused, it’s very possible that a penis may not go in,” says Streicher. Or if it does, it could hurt or bleed or cause tearing. To fix this problem, be sure you are lubricated enough before he enters you. Ask him to engage in some serious foreplay before the main act, or use lubricant to get things going.”

                  ….”Considering that the vagina is designed to stretch so much that another human can pass through it, you’d think it could easily fit any size erect penis. At rest, the vaginal canal measures 3.7 inches long, on average. But when you’re sexually aroused, it elongates, lubricates, and expands—so even sex with an XL guy is slippery and comfy.

                  But as it turns out, sometimes a penis can be too big to fit inside a vagina.

                  “It’s a very rare situation, [but] there are some men that are so endowed it makes certain positions difficult or painful,” Christine Greves, ob-gyn at the center for obstetrics and gynecology at Orlando Health, tells Health. The average erect penis comes in at 5.1 inches, but even a man who is a couple of inches larger can be hard to, well, accommodate. (For the record, the largest erect penis clocks in at more than 13 inches…yikes.)

                  Another penis-vagina fit issue has to do with a woman’s age. In your 20s, 30s, and 40s, your estrogen levels are naturally high, which keeps vaginal tissue supple. That makes the vagina pretty expandable and less sensitive, says Dr. Greves.

                  But once you hit menopause, your body’s estrogen output takes a dive. With less natural lubrication, an average or larger penis might have a tough time time fitting in without causing pain and friction for both the man and the woman.

                  It’s also possible that just as some penises are on the small side, some vaginas might be, too. An exceptionally large penis, then, would be a mismatch for a small vagina. “Some vaginas are larger than others…so I would think it’s based on an individual basis,” said Dr. Greves.

                  Okay, what are you supposed to if your v isn’t comfortably accommodating his p? Extra foreplay can help; the more aroused you are, the more lubrication your body can produce, which can make things slippery and stretchy. Store-bought lube is also a good idea. “

                  on July 24, 2019.

                  This article is very interesting, Sam, and actually covers most of the same points we’ve made in this thread. Indeed, it is rare that a newly married couple would have trouble with this, but it is possible, as the article points out in its last few paragraphs. So, I don’t disagree with what you’ve posted. I do, still, disagree with your original apparent assertion that physical mismatch issues might be the result of sin, and that the Godly couple wouldn’t have problems. But perhaps I misunderstood you. If so, others did too, as I wasn’t the only commenter to draw that conclusion. Anyway, have a blessed day!

                  on July 24, 2019.
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                    “If a baby can be delivered through the vagina, the big size issue is defeated.”

                    Please note this statement:

                    “A study published in the  May 2005 issue of the British Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology included 50 women. The study found that the vaginal canal of these women ranged between 2.5 inches and 4.9 inches in length…The longest vaginal canal, from the vaginal opening to cervix was only 4.9 inches. The average length was right around 3.5 inches…

                    Like a man’s penis grows during an erection, a woman’s vaginal canal can nearly double in length during intercourse. This means, the maximum length of the vaginal canal, for the average of the women in the study would be just under 7 inches. That’s max.

                    Which means, if your penis is longer than 7 inches, you could be hitting your partner’s cervix, if you’re not careful. This isn’t the most pleasant sensation for many women.”  – Kimberly Wylie


                    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on July 23, 2019.

                    You’re right. Though I would add here that the cervix isn’t exactly the “end” of the vagina. Once she’s fully aroused and “tented out”, it’s possible to move just past the cervix to a deeper pocket at the end of the vagina, on the other side of the cervix, to an area called the posterior fornix. That’s how a woman could receive a man larger than 7 inches.

                    on July 23, 2019.
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                      The problem with the “it’s large enough to pass a baby” argument is that it doesn’t help a virgin couple on their honeymoon. It won’t be large enough to pass a baby, until it actually passes a baby.

                      Queen bed Answered on August 4, 2020.
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                        On our wedding night the difficulty was more with girth than length, more specifically whether we could squeeze my glans into her opening and  consummate of our vows.

                        Twin bed Answered on August 4, 2020.
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