Sharing some successes/growth

    As a direct result of discussion on this forum, we have been making a point of showering together more often than we ever have before. It is resulting in us maintaining a higher level of intimacy between sexual encounters than when we shower separately. Thanks to discussion, we also managed a FIRST (which was a “didn’t think we’d ever”) which was actual penetration in the shower. For some reason, I had this picture in my head of how “sex in the shower” would look and had always been bummed because that picture is physiologically impossible for us. TMB helped me think outside the box and experience something I had thought was impossible.

    Also as a direct result of discussion on this forum, I have had Godly submission of a wife to her husband much on my mind. We so seldom disagree, that submission of my will to his rarely even comes up. This week it did, and I have made the choice to submit to his decision on a matter that…well, I didn’t want to! Lol! I guess if I wanted to, it wouldn’t be submission, would it. We would just be in agreement in the first place.

    My point is, TMB is a great resource to help one grow in sexual health and a marriage relationship. But it’s an even better resource to help one grow in Christ.

    Thanks, Friends. 🙂

    Edited:  deleted stray word

    Fantastic, compromise doesn’t need to be seen as submission.

    Sex in the shower is hot. Just playing in the water together even without PIV intercourse, which can be difficult logistically can be great.

    Glad we could help.

    on January 28, 2020.

    That’s just it–this is a matter without compromise as an option. It was either insist on my own way or choose to submit to his God-given authority as head of our household. I haven’t been very good at that in the past, but this time I chose to submit and see it as such.

    on January 28, 2020.

    God finds husbands and wives equals. Why wasn’t compromise an option almost all married couples do it all the time. It is one of the most important things in a good marriage. No one should ever feel they have to submit and do things against their will.

    on January 28, 2020.

    SecondMarge you are stating something that is 100% against what scripture says.

    on January 31, 2020.
    Add Comment
    7 Answer(s)

      With God’s help, you have come a long way, Duchess, especially from the time where you could not have any sex at all due to medical reasons.  I’m glad you two are catching up! Woo Woo!

      On the floor Answered on January 28, 2020.

      That was such a loooooooong wait!!! 🙂

      on January 28, 2020.
      Add Comment

        So glad that you and your DH are living in blessing!  Good for you both!!!

        Hammock Answered on January 28, 2020.
        Add Comment

          Happy for you Duchess and your steps and new found freedom and adventure! Way to go!!!

          DW & I really enjoy our shower times (3-4x/wk). It’s many times just about relaxing and conversations about life and the day, ESPECIALLY when she’s ticked about one of her daughters and an issue. 😆

          Yes, sex in the shower takes some work and prep (Great podcast on SMR last year.) but it can be a fun place to start, and even finish. 😀

          On the floor Answered on January 28, 2020.
          Add Comment

            It does help us grow, if we allow it 🙂  Thanks for sharing, it makes me smile! It’s definitely a praise!

            Under the stars Answered on January 28, 2020.
            Add Comment

              Great testimony!…I’m sure many wonderful things happen as a result of this Forum!  I’m glad the shower has become a place of enjoyment for you all!

              On the floor Answered on January 28, 2020.
              Add Comment

                I think it is probably moot now, but just to clarify (in response to comments): there really was no compromise here. There is something I want to do now, while the choice is ours. He doesn’t think it is a good idea now, though he will reluctantly agree to it at a later point if certain conditions are met. A big part of the “contention” really is the timing, because there is a real chance that it really won’t be an option later. So the “NOW” part is the decision and there are really only two options: yes now, or no not now. Therefore, by not acting NOW, I SUBMITTED. Willingly, because of my love for Jesus and my trust that God’s design for marriage as described in the Bible is good. OF COURSE we compromise  when it’s possible; that’s just good leadership. It’s wise. He also has the choice to submit to me (delegate) if he feels I have a gift or special wisdom in a certain question. God prescribes leaders, not dictators.

                An older wife in my church, I would call her a mentor, said it this way:  she and her husband are mostly equal. They make decisions together and in agreement. They discuss things and always come to agreement before acting. In those times, however, when agreement is just not possible, she defers to his decision and trusts God to ensure that her DH makes the right decision.

                Where I have been falling down on this is not (entirely) my unwillingness to put aside my opinion on decisions where we disagree (though I am too skilled in arguing in favor of my desired outcome), but in standing back and allowing (forcing?) him to form and express his own opinions more so he has more opportunity to lead. He makes decisions slowly, but I’m impatient for an answer so I just go ahead and decide  without giving him time to come to his own conclusions. I’m working on it.

                I don’t believe in the domineering, disciplinarian type of husband role that treats the wife as little above one of the children; that is demeaning to God’s purpose for women in the relationship, IMO, and is the kind of situation that slips too easily into abuse.

                To put it in a metaphor (because I love metaphors), my ideal (and what I believe the Bible commands) is that we walk side by side except when the path narrows. Then he decides who goes first. Sometimes he is the gentleman and ushers me through first. Other times he is the protector and goes before me to meet potential danger ahead of me. But once we are past the narrow spot, we walk side by side again.

                Again, I felt the need to clarify because of the comments added to my original question, and since that poster is gone now, this may have been unnecessary, but just in case at some later date a new reader doesn’t realize that we have had some members who were used by the enemy to plant seeds of false doctrine I wanted to establish that while subservience is bad, submission is good.

                Under the stars Answered on January 31, 2020.

                Duchess- I agree with you that I don’t want to see a husband treat his wife as little above one of the children.  I think she should have a place with him of honor and dignity where he is lifting her to be his glory, but still a place that respects that the positional authority God has given her husband.

                on January 31, 2020.

                I think we are in reasonably close agreement, as long as it is clear that I believe that a wife must choose to submit to that authority just as the church chooses to submit to Christ and the husband may not demand submission, just as Christ does not demand submission from the church. Christ woos his bride and she responds willingly.

                I know you get a lot of push-back on this issue (some from me). I suspect your heart behind your insistence is pure, but sometimes (other threads) your expression of it sounds uncomfortably close to the rhetoric given by those who use the scripture to excuse their own twisted view of “a woman’s place”. I really don’t think you are among those, it’s just kind of a fine line and those of us who have been victimized by those wrong attitudes are extra sensitive to make sure the line isn’t crossed.

                The bulk of your posts seem (to me) however, to suggest a heart for God, a desire to obey him, and a genuine love for your wife, so I appreciate your comment and choose to believe we are more in agreement than not.

                (I feel like this sounds awfully pompous, but it really is meant to be the right hand of friendship…)

                on January 31, 2020.

                I take it that way Duchess and I appreciate the kind words.

                For me it is really about what does the Word say, it isn’t my place to make it say less or make it say more, but to align myself to what it does say.

                Jesus takes an active role in His bride’s holiness, sometimes He is patient and sometimes He rebukes sharply (see Revelation), but I think what is really important is that He is active and working to bring her back when she goes off course.  In the same way, a husband needs to also work on bringing his wife back into holiness if she goes off course.  There are people who believe or advocate for physical discipline, but I am not one of them.  I think more often than not, a husband simply standing firm and not giving in on whatever the issue is is enough to lovingly encourage his wife to get right about it.

                That is not the same thing at all as a monster tyrant husband who mistreats and abuses his wife.

                I hope everyone here knows I consider them friends, even if we disagree about the theology of this.

                on January 31, 2020.
                Add Comment

                  Just don’t forget to have some great smelling soap and conditioner.

                  Double bed Answered on January 28, 2020.
                  Add Comment

                  Your Answer

                  By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.