Soccer Mom of 2 – Weekend away
So I am very new to this so I apologize in advance if this is wrong section.
Been Christian woman married almost 9years I’m in late 20s my husband just turned 40. My sex life is ok. A little stale. We have been talking about ways to spice it up a little. We are going away for Labor Day weekend with another couple. We are sharing a hotel room. My husband out of blue is telling me he wants to have sex even with them in same room. They party way more than us so his idea is to sneak it in when they are sleeping. I am a little uncomfortable with this. Do any wives on here think this is ok or completely forbidden? I want to please him but I am very conservative. Thanks
“asked my husband what his motive was. To be honest his response kind of took me aback”
Would you care to share what he said?
“I really struggle with being quiet”
Since you have been talking about ways to spice things up, being in a situation where you are required to be quiet can be very exciting, especially if you are used to being able to cut loose. Use the challenge of finding a place and time that makes you comfortable as a turn-on for yourself; tap into the naughty teenager feeling of doing something you are “not supposed to”. (This only works if you are not actually still suffering from leftover angst about sex being bad or evil; I hope you are not!)
I encourage to you put your best effort into finding a good opportunity (without compromising your values). It sounds like he needs an outlet for some highly sexual feelings and you want to make sure YOU are that outlet!
Have a great weekend!!
I would not be ok doing that with another couple in the same room. If it was me, I’d probably try to do it in the bathroom (possibly in the shower) if there was a lock on the door for privacy, but definitely not in the main hotel room if there’s no privacy.
If you can have a talk with your husband about it ahead of the trip, and try to find a solution that suits you both, that would be better than just ‘seeing what happens’ when you get to the hotel. If it was me, I’d tell my husband that I was keen on finding a way to have sex during the trip, but doing it in the same room as the other couple is not something I’m comfortable with. I would then say that I’d like to try using the shower/bathroom instead, and ask what he thinks about that idea.
We have gone on multiple trips with different friends and family, and used the same hotel room, with two queen size beds. When you are trying to make a trip affordable, that’s what you do when you are a family on a budget. Share a room, or don’t go, a failry easy choice. It’s not nearly as big of a deal as some are making it out to be. 🙄
I like MQ’s ideas, you find places to have sex that are private (meaning, not in the same room). Use the bathroom or the shower. Find a time where they go out and you get the room, and vise versa. There are definitely ways to have sex in a stealth way, with sleeping people around you, we’ve done it with kids. I think the biggest difference is “we don’t want to be caught” vs “let’s make it obvious, so that we will be seen &/or heard”.
With LIL, I wonder why you are sharing a room? I find it surprising that a hotel would even allow you to do so just now. Secondly, I wonder what your husband’s motive is in saying he want to have sex, even if they are in the room. Is he simply saying that he wants so intently to express your intimate love for one another that he doesn’t want to let anything get in the way? If that is the reason, is he doing so before the trip? Is he ML to you “even if he’s tired” or “even if he had a bad day” or “even if the dog is watching” or whatever else normally gets in the way? If not, then perhaps his motive is more that he wants the illicit thrill of doing so at a place and time where you could be caught. That, in itself is not a problem for me. Many folks here on TMB have admitted that a little risk (of getting caught) can add a lot of spice, and they freely take occasional, acceptable risks.
The core question (in my opinion) is whether he is excited by the risk unrealized or fulfilled. If he wants to take the risk, but his heart’s goal is to get away with it, then I think given careful attention to minimizing the chances of getting caught AND minimizing the potential damage if you DO get caught, ML very quietly and sneakily under the covers when you are certain they are fast asleep could be an exciting and memorable experience for you. My DH and I were once overcome with desire while away with our DD in the next bed. We were very quiet and quick and she never woke up. It’s a great memory that helps me define us as passionate and affectionate and spontaneous and exciting, which in turn helps me to behave that way and improves our love life.
If, OTOH, he is thinking in the back of his mind, “It might be kind of fun if they woke up while we were doing it. Maybe they’d want to watch. Or maybe they’d decide to get busy too and we could watch them!” Truthfully, depending on the nature of your friendship, it could result in a fun memory if they woke up and, realizing what you were about, pretended to still be asleep and tactfully kept their eyes to themselves. Months later they might admit that they had caught you and that it made them horny, so after you two drifted off to sleep, they did the same thing you did. Funny bonding story for years to come. But that’s a lot to assume will happen. How confident are you that they would react in just that way?
IMO, FWIW, you need to talk to him and draw out his deepest heart’s motive. If it is pure, you just have to decide whether you want to let go of your hesitation, take his hand and join him on the scary new amusement park ride. (And make sure you keep those covers pulled up!) If his motive is tainted, then your problem is bigger, in that you will have to not only be firm in your no, but also to pray for the HS to convict him of sinful sexual desires AND to replace them with healthy ones to spice up your LL.
P.S. If after all that, you decide his motives are pure but you still just can’t bring yourself to go along with it, just tell him so! Then with enthusiasm ask him what you both can come up with to try instead.
We went with a couple on a trip a while back to a cabin. They slept in an upstairs bedroom and we were in the bedroom below. One night, I initiated thinking that the couple upstairs wouldn’t hear. My wife was a little uneasy but went along with it until she got a text mid-session. Thankfully it was not the other couple, but that fear ended things for both of us.
A few days after our return, the wife of the other couple asked my wife if we “heard anything” one of the nights. Evidently they had similar fears on their end during one of their sessions.
I say this to because, to be honest, I think sleeping in the same room is bad on several different levels. First, it can tap in to some unhealthy exhibitionist feelings. Secondly, it does not consider the well being of the other couple. And finally, nothing kills the mood like the fear of realizing the two above points mid-session. If you want to make love, get your own room or ask the couple to give you an hour alone. (I prefer the former of those two options.) But I would talk this through with your husband – I don’t think it’s wise.
I figure your husband was not thinking about exhibitionism, but just wants to have sex in the hotel. More than likely he isnt thinking that far in advance. So the best advice is to make it part of the planning. I’d suggest as SC to deploy a plan where both couples have a chance at having the room to themselves for an agreed upon time. “Bill and Betty will have coffee alone in the room from 9-10 on Saturday morning, Larry and Lucy will enjoy a nightcap alone in the room from 8-9 on Saturday night. The other couple takes a leisurely stroll to discuss the events of the day. Swap places the next day.” Even if it is a group trip, couple alone time is an important part of any trip. Handle it like adults, Easy peasy.
I think you have lots of good advice here. Discussing and determining his motive is, of course, very reasonable. Finding a way for each couple to separately have at least an hour alone in the room (make sure to use the chain lock to guarantee no “surprises”) is also a great idea. Even something as simple as alternating dinner times out, with one couple eating first then the other couple eating second, could work.
Early in our marriage, we shared a hotel with another newly married couple we were friends with at a marriage conference. Both Zelda and I struggled to go to sleep because of their presence, and I did try to initiate a covert coitus session which was not accepted. If I had to do it now, I’d have no problem talking with the other husband and figuring out the time allocation, and I would not try initiating with my wife while we were all in the same room. While we’ve had no issue with having sex with sleeping kids (ours) in the room, nor have we had much issue with sex when adult friends/family are in the same building (our house, their house, or cabin), I don’t think we could pull off sex with them in the same room–certainly not at the enjoyment level we’d prefer.