Some wives don’t want to be compared to an appliance…
I learned something last night after 22+ years being married to my DW….and I quote, “I am NOT a slow cooker, do not compare me to a slow cooker.” At first I was a bit shocked, but she went on to say that she’s tired of these Cliche’s…”waffles and spaghetti, microwaves and slow cookers”. I get her point, but it’s just a word picture…no need to get testy! 🙂
So to get more to the point…switching her on in the morning, and allowing her to warm up all day till she’s hot and ready at night doesn’t describe her. So I asked point blank…do you want me to just skip all that during the day and be blunt at night? Yes…she just said yes.
Is she the only one? I was always under the impression that woman liked to be romanced and pursued, flirted with etc…I also realize generalities aren’t always true.
What say you Wives?
I have never liked the thought of being a slow cooker. Thankfully, I don’t think DH knows that women are supposed to be like a crock pot! A bit of touch through out the day or a sexual remark or two, but too much of it turns me cold. I also like if DH boldly states it, not hesitantly. I don’t want or need time to unwind or anything like that. I would not want him to tell me to go unwind and get ready for sex. Lets just do it without overthinking it all!
I like flirting but flirting that is blunt, sexual innuendos, explicit descriptions if what he wants to do to me etc., I also like lots of touch throughout the day, sexual and otherwise. I like to be pursued but in a confident “I expect this to happen way” not wishy washy or hesitant way (not saying that’s what you do) and I really don’t like “flowery” or “romantic language. It really boils down to every woman being different I guess. Stereotypes are not always accurate.
I know I am that way much of the time. I think it depends on where I am personally and where we are relationally. Having to reply to flirts and comments takes energy, and if it’s distracting me from other things I need to do, it’s irritating. Plus, it puts the burden of expectation on me, which has the opposite effect of what’s desired. It’s not that I don’t need the time to get into the right place mentally, but that’s really on me. But I need the space to do that, I can’t be smothered.
He does have an impact on me (my desire) by whether he does other things “right or wrong”…Is his general attitude pleasant? Is he home when he’s supposed to be? Is he available to me? Is he doing what he said he would do?
In essence, it might be that I need to feel a level of control. If I feel pushed or dragged into something, instinct kicks in and I resist, whether subtly or all-out fight back. Think of a skittish dog, if you pull on its leash to try to make it go somewhere it doesn’t want to go, it often digs his paws in or starts backing up. You get that same dog cornered, it will bite as a way to protect itself.
Now, if she doesn’t like being compared to an appliance, she won’t like being compared to a dog, so use that word picture for your own understanding 😉
Lol…when we had our oldest child I was an animal science major and was taking a really interesting cattle production class. To keep it brief…pregnant wives don’t like having their systems compared to bovine systems and nursing wives don’t love being referred to as holstein.
Slow cookers are great, but you have to remember that there is a perfect done time and if it is left to keep cooking after the food is done it will ruin it as surely as a pot on the stove will. Maybe some of us are like the recipes where you have to get a little sizzle going before you put the pot on simmer and remember that sometimes a girl wants that dish they make table-side with all the flames and high heat. 😉
Comparison to kitchen appliances wouldn’t go down well in our household.
I think that as a general rule, women do tend to like being romanced and flirted with to build up to sex rather than suddenly going from nothing to full penetration. However, every woman is different, and as others have said, it’s possible to be too long and drawn out.
As an imperfect analogy, think of it like food. Sometimes you’re really hungry and just want fuel to fill your stomach, whereas at other times a special meal is something to look forward to and you book ahead, put on nice clothes, have a pre-dinner drink and a starter, savour your main course, enjoy pudding and then linger over coffee afterwards. You don’t necessarily want either all the time, but you probably want both at some times and your normal preference is somewhere on the spectrum between the two.