Spicing things up with bedroom bondage

    We are a Christian couple that has been married for over two decades. Our sex life has been great for a number of years and continues to get better. As a conservative couple, we mostly stuck with vanilla type sex and that was great for the most part. However, just recently my wife seemed to indicate that she was up for a bit more adventure. I was game and after doing research on what was right and wrong (according to the Scriptures), we have introduced some toys and light bondage. Now when I say the word bondage, please be assured that this is nothing extreme. All we are into and ever will be into is tying up for fun and pleasure. No pain, no degrading and nothing extreme. I did a bit of research into the bondage stuff and I cannot find anything sinful about what we do. Wife loves it (after losing some inhibitions) and it is a very erotic experience for us both.

    I suspected my wife wanted to go down this avenue of introducing some “kinky activity” in the bedroom, but she was too embarrassed to ask. I eventually introduced it and at first she was like “no way”, but this rapidly changed to “yes please”. We have done some bondage a few times now, but I still feel very much the rookie. We are into bondage for her (which she loves) and use things like satin ties to tie her to the bed, blindfold and either a ball gag or cleave gag. I typically use a toys on her, as well as perform oral on her. At this stage I tend to pleasure myself while she is tied up and whilst I am pleasuring her. She has since said that I can go whole hog with intercourse while she is tied up, but I think I am still a bit reserved about doing that. I will certainly work on it though, because she has invited it.

    I had some questions if people are comfortable to share some opinions with me…

    1. Cleave gags – I always loved seeing these in movies and find them quite erotic. I am confused on what material is typically used though? Are they just scarves, or bandannas? Some I see are white, look slightly puffy and slender. Some I see are black, quite puffy and look like they stretchy. I like the sexy damsel look, but would like the gag to muffle sound a bit. Any suggestions?

    2. Ball gags – We have an intermediate sized one and will probably not go any larger as she said it can hurt her jaw after a while. I worry that using a ball gag might do damage to her jaw? Is this something that can happen? She would only ever be gagged for 20min – 45min max.

    3. Doing the bondage thing – I am curious to know how people typically would do a bondage session and what they typically do? How do couples set it up, what activities are typically done? Please keep in mind that we are not into torture or that kind of level and do not plan to go to that level. For us, we are very happy with her being tied, gagged and blindfolded for a time of pleasure, where she just has no choice but to enjoy in silence. Last time or two, I felt it was a bit rushed and would like to take it slower. I don’t really have the desire to be tied up, but I enjoy tying her up and having my way with her (all done with her consent and excitement). How often do couples do this? It would be fun to get a bit more relaxed and not have things so “scripted”.

    I never thought we would actually get into bondage, but it is definitely an amazing experience.

    I hope this can be a good discussion where some ideas and experiences are shared. Thanks!

    In regards to the ball gag – we are not a fan: Regardless as to which of us is tied up and being teased, the one in control loves to hear the one being teased/edged to beg to orgasm or finish .. with gag – don’t get to hear that

    on May 28, 2019.

    I think when my wife is gagged, her moans through the gag are amazing. She says the gag serves as another thing to help her relax. Win-win for us.

    on June 4, 2019.
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    26 Answer(s)

      We’ve used some restraints that I made from some very soft decorative rope/trim found at a fabric store.

      Haven’t brought role play into our use of restraints but then we’ve never tried role playing fantasies either.

      So, there’s no typical way that leads into a bondage session. Sometimes we surprise the other by putting the restraints on the bed for the other to find. We’ve surprised the other by pulling them out from under the bed and beginning to tie the other without ever saying a word. We’ll also message the other earlier in the day something like “don’t make any plans as I have something in mind that will keep you tied up for quite a while.”

      Fell out of ... Answered on April 22, 2019.
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        Thanks… You guys seem a lot more relaxed about bondage than what we are. I guess in time it will become more relaxed.
        You should consider adding gags though, it definitely adds to the excitement.

        Double bed Answered on April 22, 2019.
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          Try a light bondage tie using a robe sash (silk preferred) to create a hip harness crotch tie. Simply double the sash over your hand and then position the loop end above the pubic mons and bring the sash ends between her legs and crotch drawing them up and around her hips. Bring the sash ends through the loop lying on her public mons and tie them together. The two of you can enjoy experimenting with the level of tightness and positioning of the sash to maximize pleasure. The crotch tie provides easy access for PIV.

          Under the stars Answered on April 22, 2019.
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            Thanks… I was looking at wrist to thigh restraints as this would be like a frog tie. I think it would be comfortable… does anyone have any thoughts on this?
            I found a great article on gags and it pretty much said what we found to be true… It is another thing taken away (speech) and this adds to the level of excitement. Here is an excerpt from the article-

            It’s no secret that bondage sex is an active way to role play some of your most hidden fantasies. During the process of bondage, the couple will reenact a variety of scenes that turn both of them on and leave them both feeling satisfied.
            Bondage gags help to enhance those fantasies. For the person being tied up, it is often a powerful fantasy of being taken, losing control, and succumbing to the will of another. What better way to create that than to be gagged and have your own thoughts and feelings muffled?
            Excitement
            Know how it works during bondage with the senses? If you can’t see what is coming, then the feel of it increases?
            Well, that works in much the same way with bondage gags. You are subduing a very integral part of a person- their ability to speak and make noise. This makes them unable to release things through moans, words or screams.
            What does that mean? Generally speaking it means that when they do release their built up tension, it will be stronger and more powerful than it would have otherwise been. So you are likely to find more excitement and greater satisfaction just from using bondage gags during role play.

            I saw this article and had to agree…

            Double bed Answered on April 24, 2019.
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              I just wanted to bump this topic to see if any others care to share experiences or tips?
              With 240 views, I am a bit surprised nobody else has commented or shared.

              Double bed Answered on April 27, 2019.
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                So far there are only 322 members on this new site, so 240 views seems good.  It’s possible that there aren’t all that many people here who have experience with bondage, but read your questions out of curiosity.

                Hammock Answered on April 27, 2019.
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                  That’s interesting Redman that it’s your wife who uses restraints on you. Has it always been that way? Is that what you two prefer?

                  Queen bed Answered on April 27, 2019.

                  Sorry for the delay in response. I missed this earlier.

                  Yes, because I have a strong personality (take charge, always in control, etc.) and she is the more mild mannered, submissive type, we find it totally erotic to reverse roles.  When she restrains me, she is the boss, she is in charge. She runs the show.  She even tells me when I can come. She’s been know to slap my penis to keep me in line.  She forces me to suck her breasts and perform OS on her.  Then she has her way with me orally, edging me until I’m begging her to let me release.

                  The interesting thing about this is NOBODY that knows her would believe she can be like this nor would they ever believe that I would be submitting to her like that.  It’s truly kinky and out of character for both of us.  But, it’s hot, hot hot!  I mean it.  Like I said, we do it about once or twice a month.  Many times it”s unplanned, and during “normal foreplay” she’ll say, “I thinks it time to tie you up!”  I never disagree.

                  on June 3, 2019.

                  That’s awesome! It is similar for us. Wife has the more dominant personality, but in the bedroom she has begged for me to be dominant. Took me many years, but I finally got it.

                  If you don’t mind me asking, is your bondage sessions just usually spur of the moment, or do you plan them out sometimes? I am still trying to get more relaxed about starting a bondage session. Last week I mentioned about tying her up on the bed and gagging her and playing a while and when the toys came out, the blindfold would go on. She seemed quite excited about the mention of this idea.

                  on June 4, 2019.
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                    I read that often the people who are in positions of authority and responsibility or control all day every day enjoy the chance to surrender all of that and be the one who doesn’t have to make any decisions or have any responsibility for a while. This is not our thing, but it seems reasonable.

                    Under the stars Answered on April 27, 2019.

                    That is exactly where we are.  I run a company and am head of a large family and in leadership position in the community and at church. So, when we reverse roles, it’s mind blowing.

                    on June 3, 2019.

                    This is what we found too, but wife is the dominant personality and very happy to be submissive in the bedroom. Our journey into bedroom bondage started with an article discussing how a lot of women have fantasies of being tied up. I mentioned this to my wife and she was very hesitant at first, but it turns out that hesitation was very quickly thrown out the window (with no pressure from me) and she now LOVES being tied up and gagged and blindfolded. She is asking for it to be done more.

                    on June 4, 2019.
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                      Based on our experience, I concur about people with the more dominant personality as being the one who likes to enjoy being tied up. From what I have read, it seems to be a common theme.

                      Double bed Answered on April 27, 2019.
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                        So building off what Duchess and Pacman2000 noted, is it men who are in positions of authority and/or who have a more dominant personality who are more likely to be submissive in the bedroom or is it men who have high levels of educational attainment? I have read that highly educated men are much more submissive in the bedroom, on average, than are men with low levels of education.

                        Queen bed Answered on April 29, 2019.
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