Spicing things up with bedroom bondage

    We are a Christian couple that has been married for over two decades. Our sex life has been great for a number of years and continues to get better. As a conservative couple, we mostly stuck with vanilla type sex and that was great for the most part. However, just recently my wife seemed to indicate that she was up for a bit more adventure. I was game and after doing research on what was right and wrong (according to the Scriptures), we have introduced some toys and light bondage. Now when I say the word bondage, please be assured that this is nothing extreme. All we are into and ever will be into is tying up for fun and pleasure. No pain, no degrading and nothing extreme. I did a bit of research into the bondage stuff and I cannot find anything sinful about what we do. Wife loves it (after losing some inhibitions) and it is a very erotic experience for us both.

    I suspected my wife wanted to go down this avenue of introducing some “kinky activity” in the bedroom, but she was too embarrassed to ask. I eventually introduced it and at first she was like “no way”, but this rapidly changed to “yes please”. We have done some bondage a few times now, but I still feel very much the rookie. We are into bondage for her (which she loves) and use things like satin ties to tie her to the bed, blindfold and either a ball gag or cleave gag. I typically use a toys on her, as well as perform oral on her. At this stage I tend to pleasure myself while she is tied up and whilst I am pleasuring her. She has since said that I can go whole hog with intercourse while she is tied up, but I think I am still a bit reserved about doing that. I will certainly work on it though, because she has invited it.

    I had some questions if people are comfortable to share some opinions with me…

    1. Cleave gags – I always loved seeing these in movies and find them quite erotic. I am confused on what material is typically used though? Are they just scarves, or bandannas? Some I see are white, look slightly puffy and slender. Some I see are black, quite puffy and look like they stretchy. I like the sexy damsel look, but would like the gag to muffle sound a bit. Any suggestions?

    2. Ball gags – We have an intermediate sized one and will probably not go any larger as she said it can hurt her jaw after a while. I worry that using a ball gag might do damage to her jaw? Is this something that can happen? She would only ever be gagged for 20min – 45min max.

    3. Doing the bondage thing – I am curious to know how people typically would do a bondage session and what they typically do? How do couples set it up, what activities are typically done? Please keep in mind that we are not into torture or that kind of level and do not plan to go to that level. For us, we are very happy with her being tied, gagged and blindfolded for a time of pleasure, where she just has no choice but to enjoy in silence. Last time or two, I felt it was a bit rushed and would like to take it slower. I don’t really have the desire to be tied up, but I enjoy tying her up and having my way with her (all done with her consent and excitement). How often do couples do this? It would be fun to get a bit more relaxed and not have things so “scripted”.

    I never thought we would actually get into bondage, but it is definitely an amazing experience.

    I hope this can be a good discussion where some ideas and experiences are shared. Thanks!

    In regards to the ball gag – we are not a fan: Regardless as to which of us is tied up and being teased, the one in control loves to hear the one being teased/edged to beg to orgasm or finish .. with gag – don’t get to hear that

    on May 28, 2019.

    I think when my wife is gagged, her moans through the gag are amazing. She says the gag serves as another thing to help her relax. Win-win for us.

    on June 4, 2019.
    Add Comment
    26 Answer(s)

      I am very very new to bedroom bondage, but from my research so far… Women can be the dominant one in the bondage scenario, just as much as the man. I have seen on other forums where women are asking for advice on introducing bondage and tying up their man. Some of the discussions I have read are about the women tying the man down, silencing him with a ball gag and you get the picture…. I think these are women who genuinely get turned on by that activity.
      With regards to who is the more dominant one in bondage, I think it varies… From what I have am understanding so far is that it seems the person in the marriage that has the strongest personality in general, seem to be the ones that wish to be dominated in the bedroom.
      Please note my use of words like “seem”, because I am still working this stuff out.

      Double bed Answered on May 3, 2019.
      Add Comment

        In our marriage, my wife has the stronger personality and she definitely wants to be dominated in the bedroom with being tied up etc. I am not sure I like the word dominated… But it is used to describe a point I guess.

        Double bed Answered on May 3, 2019.
        Add Comment

          I read an easy way to make restraints on here.  I made some for my wife to use when giving me a hand job for her to use to continue post orgasm.  But i’m not that sensitive and we don’t need the restraints for that, and she told me she hates them.  I wish she’d change her mind, and I’d like to tie her up and edge her a lot if she wanted it.

          Anyway, the restraints are made of velcro strips with sticky glue on the back, with the back of the fuzzy side stuck to the back of the pokey side.  The fuzzy side went around my thighs and wrists.  Just twist it a bit to seal the pokey side against the fuzzy side.  Near the end of the strips, in there in the glue when putting it together, I put either a key ring or a king chain caribiner.  The later is better, since you can easily attach it.  If you attach it to a key ring that hurts.  Then have caribiners or key rings on the end of some solid twine or rope that runs below the bed.  Put the restraints on and pull the cords to get them to the right length to restrain you.  I just had one rope and I had the caribiner from a wrist strap attached to my thighs.

          The idea is that if she kept stroking me after I ejaculated, I wasn’t really going anywhere, and I couldn’t get my hands in the way.  I could move my hands toward her hands to interfere, but not quite get close enough to do it.  It can be great fun. and quite overwhelming.  She could stroke up to the top of the ‘neck’ and play with the head for a few seconds, or just go to town on the head.

          California King Answered on May 4, 2019.
          Add Comment

            We recently purchased some padded handcuffs and so far this is a real hit for the both of us. We find there is a whole lot more freedom to move around. Thinking about it… If the kids are away, we could be watching TV and I then whip out the cuffs, blind fold and ball gag as a surprise and then lead her to an unknown destination in the house or yard.

            I think couples here are still unsure about the ball gag thing and that is cool. For us, my wife was a little hesitant at first (actually she said no way – ha, ha) and I backed right off on the idea, but in a short space of time of me floating the idea, she was keen to give it a try. I am quite paranoid about forcing her into things, so I tend to go over the top with checking that it is still ok with her. Her feed back went from the ball gag not doing a lot for her, but she was more than fine with being gagged to it being a turn on and she quite likes it. We have read articles about ball gags and light bondage and she is keen on it.  With saying all this, I just wanted to share what our experience has been and we are a very conservative couple.

            In the coming weeks, I will be looking at trying out a knotted type cleave gag to see how this goes with quieting her down a little more. I plan to make this from a long stretchable thigh high sock, with a small ball of fabric inside the sock. The ball part of the fabric will sit inside her mouth and then the sock will be tied behind her head. My way of thinking is this will be secure (no chance of choking hazard) and I think it might muffle her sounds more. Last time we used a cloth type cleave gag, she commented that she bit down on it during our bondage play because the sensations were out of this world…

            Double bed Answered on May 22, 2019.
            Add Comment

              I came across this Christian marriage article and thought I would paste it here –

              https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/bondage-for-beginners-what-why-and-how/

               

              Double bed Answered on May 27, 2019.
              Add Comment

                My wife and I are also into bondage, certainly not all the time, but to change things up from time to time. We both find it very erotic.

                Queen bed Answered on June 14, 2019.
                Add Comment

                Your Answer

                By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.