Spicing things up with bedroom bondage

    We are a Christian couple that has been married for over two decades. Our sex life has been great for a number of years and continues to get better. As a conservative couple, we mostly stuck with vanilla type sex and that was great for the most part. However, just recently my wife seemed to indicate that she was up for a bit more adventure. I was game and after doing research on what was right and wrong (according to the Scriptures), we have introduced some toys and light bondage. Now when I say the word bondage, please be assured that this is nothing extreme. All we are into and ever will be into is tying up for fun and pleasure. No pain, no degrading and nothing extreme. I did a bit of research into the bondage stuff and I cannot find anything sinful about what we do. Wife loves it (after losing some inhibitions) and it is a very erotic experience for us both.

    I suspected my wife wanted to go down this avenue of introducing some “kinky activity” in the bedroom, but she was too embarrassed to ask. I eventually introduced it and at first she was like “no way”, but this rapidly changed to “yes please”. We have done some bondage a few times now, but I still feel very much the rookie. We are into bondage for her (which she loves) and use things like satin ties to tie her to the bed, blindfold and either a ball gag or cleave gag. I typically use a toys on her, as well as perform oral on her. At this stage I tend to pleasure myself while she is tied up and whilst I am pleasuring her. She has since said that I can go whole hog with intercourse while she is tied up, but I think I am still a bit reserved about doing that. I will certainly work on it though, because she has invited it.

    I had some questions if people are comfortable to share some opinions with me…

    1. Cleave gags – I always loved seeing these in movies and find them quite erotic. I am confused on what material is typically used though? Are they just scarves, or bandannas? Some I see are white, look slightly puffy and slender. Some I see are black, quite puffy and look like they stretchy. I like the sexy damsel look, but would like the gag to muffle sound a bit. Any suggestions?

    2. Ball gags – We have an intermediate sized one and will probably not go any larger as she said it can hurt her jaw after a while. I worry that using a ball gag might do damage to her jaw? Is this something that can happen? She would only ever be gagged for 20min – 45min max.

    3. Doing the bondage thing – I am curious to know how people typically would do a bondage session and what they typically do? How do couples set it up, what activities are typically done? Please keep in mind that we are not into torture or that kind of level and do not plan to go to that level. For us, we are very happy with her being tied, gagged and blindfolded for a time of pleasure, where she just has no choice but to enjoy in silence. Last time or two, I felt it was a bit rushed and would like to take it slower. I don’t really have the desire to be tied up, but I enjoy tying her up and having my way with her (all done with her consent and excitement). How often do couples do this? It would be fun to get a bit more relaxed and not have things so “scripted”.

    I never thought we would actually get into bondage, but it is definitely an amazing experience.

    I hope this can be a good discussion where some ideas and experiences are shared. Thanks!

    In regards to the ball gag – we are not a fan: Regardless as to which of us is tied up and being teased, the one in control loves to hear the one being teased/edged to beg to orgasm or finish .. with gag – don’t get to hear that

    on May 28, 2019.

    I think when my wife is gagged, her moans through the gag are amazing. She says the gag serves as another thing to help her relax. Win-win for us.

    on June 4, 2019.
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      Sorry I can’t comment on your first two questions.  We don’t do gags.

      So we have a couple restraints for me, one is a simple under-the-mattress wrist and ankle restraint.  The other is an ankle and wrist restraint with an optional behind-the-head strap and an optional spreader bar.   This one is great for doggy or on my back positions.  Both have simple Velcro cuffs.   BTW, I recommend that your wife get some side-tie panties so that you can take them off when you want without needing to undo any part of the restraint.  We do use a sleep mask too.

      We don’t use the restraints too often — maybe once or twice a month.  It’s usually when I’m in the mood to “be taken” by my husband.  He’s usually all about reading me and taking care of me so it’s kind of fun to let him have his way with me.  I will text him our code for what I’m hoping for and then he’ll put me in the restraints and do as he likes.  There is usually lots of edging with toys, oral, fingers, and intercourse — it’s up to him.  We do have a safe word in case I get a cramp or I just really need to finish!

      Fell out of ... Answered on April 20, 2019.

      That sounds like a lot of fun, something that I would want to try with my wife, but she dislikes the idea of restraints and does not seem the least bit interested in being ‘edged.’

      If we were using safewords though, I’d want to have a rule against using it if  she really needed to finish and couldn’t stand it anymore.  I’d probably  want to keep her right there for as long as I could until I tired out.

      on May 4, 2019.

      I don’t know your wife and please take this with a grain of salt…

      But in our marriage, we are a very conservative couple. We are both believers and strive to have an active relationship with God. My wife came from a very conservative family too and man she had a lot of hangups about sex and her own body. She still has some of those hangups, but I think over time she will get more and more past them. Going back a year, we were very vanilla and didn’t even own a vibrator. We have been married two decades as well. I took a chance with introducing some toys and then bondage and my wife now just loves it. Totally loves it!! She feels awkward about the toys still and doesn’t want to see them, but she surely loves me using them on her.

      Anyway… What I am trying to say is that, maybe talk to your wife casually and carefully about this stuff. Maybe try and introduce it slowly (with her consent of course) and see how you go?  I reckon the female body and their ability to have orgasms is an absolutely amazing thing and when they get to let go of these hangups and just enjoy, they awaken to what they have been missing all these years.

      on June 4, 2019.
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        Happy to hear that you have a great sex life in your marriage and it’s only getting better. Blessings as you learn new ways to enjoy each other fully.

        We’ve enjoyed this kind of play in the past but haven’t used gags. We typically always use some type of blindfold to heighten the sense of touch. Headphones have been included too but not always.

        I’ve enjoyed both giving and receiving oral sex while changing temperatures. Varying between ice water and hot water to cool and warm the tongue gives some awesome sensations. Also done it carefully with fingers and toys.

        Your post brings back fond memories. Time to make new memories!

        Fell out of ... Answered on April 20, 2019.
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          Thanks for the tips! Much appreciated.

          Gags – Wife initially said no way and I was like ok, I am not going to force anything (or turn it into a guilt trip), but of her own choice in the heat of the moment she thought she would give being gagged a try and ended up loving it. Afterwards, I checked with her two or three times to make sure that she was into it and she said she was. I am wrapped, because it is a big turn on for me. When the gag comes out, she knows it’s time to stop talking and to just enjoy. I think it all adds to the experience, but can appreciate that some may just not be into it. I am hoping there are some that are, so I can get a better idea on what materials are best for cleave gags. I am still confused on this one.

          New_Wife – I liked your tip on the side tie panties. I plan to order something like this very soon. Texting a code is similar to what we do also and it certainly stokes the fires. We probably only do the tie up thing once or twice a month too.

          Does anyone have tips on how to make the bondage session less “scripted”? I hope to make it more casual and carefree. At the moment (because we are new to this), it is like…. Ok, time to tie your hands… Now for the blindfold… Do people incorporate some sort of play into this? Also, what do people do with temperature changing? What does this look like?

          Double bed Answered on April 20, 2019.
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            For temperature stimulation, we’ve used a variety of things. For example, we have a washcloth with a slit cut in the middle. We wet the washcloth in a bowl of very warm water, wring it out and place it over the genitals with her labia aligned with the slit or my penis sticking through. Ice cubes cool the mouth and tongue while the warmth of the washcloth is being enjoyed by the confined spouse. Once the mouth and tongue are good and cold oral sex is given. The contrast in temperatures combined with oral sex can be very nice.

            You can also do it in reverse with a cold rag and a very warm mouth and tongue from a cup of hot tea.

            Fell out of ... Answered on April 21, 2019.
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              Thanks for the washcloth suggestion. I had never thought of this.

              What do you guys find to be good forms or restraints? We use satin ties, but I am thinking of going for leather handcuffs and maybe restraints that tie wrists to thighs? We have only really done spread eagle so far, so I wondered what other positions work for a couple that are no longer nimble and flexible.

              I guess gags aren’t a big thing with you guys?

              Double bed Answered on April 21, 2019.
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                How do you guys approach a bondage session? Do you come at it as some sort of game, or role play? Or do you just mechanically tie your spouse up and then go to town on them? Maybe it is fun to make out and then surprise them with a blindfold and rope? I don’t know really…

                Double bed Answered on April 21, 2019.
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                  So here’s are links to a couple like what we have.

                  https://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Couples-Bedroom-Straps-Travel/dp/B07QQRGB8P/ref=sr_1_13?keywords=sex%2Brestraints&qid=1555942138&s=gateway&sr=8-13&th=1

                  https://www.amazon.com/Adjustable-Handcuffs-R%C3%ABstr%C3%A2%C3%AEnts-Straps-Comfortable/dp/B07Q2HV1WZ/ref=sr_1_20?keywords=sex+restraints&qid=1555942138&s=gateway&sr=8-20

                  We don’t do leather because we don’t want to leave any marks.  The softer Velcro type cuffs suite us better.  And if you get some with eyelets where the straps attach, you can add a spreader bar too.

                  Fell out of ... Answered on April 22, 2019.
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                    We have the restraints posted in the second link but I think I am going to order the first one now too, lol.

                    Queen bed Answered on April 22, 2019.
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                      We’ve used some restraints that I made from some very soft decorative rope/trim found at a fabric store.

                      Haven’t brought role play into our use of restraints but then we’ve never tried role playing fantasies either.

                      So, there’s no typical way that leads into a bondage session. Sometimes we surprise the other by putting the restraints on the bed for the other to find. We’ve surprised the other by pulling them out from under the bed and beginning to tie the other without ever saying a word. We’ll also message the other earlier in the day something like “don’t make any plans as I have something in mind that will keep you tied up for quite a while.”

                      Fell out of ... Answered on April 22, 2019.
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                        Thanks… You guys seem a lot more relaxed about bondage than what we are. I guess in time it will become more relaxed.
                        You should consider adding gags though, it definitely adds to the excitement.

                        Double bed Answered on April 22, 2019.
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