Spouse not understanding problems with hormonal imbalances
I would like a bit of guidance and to see if other men or women have experienced what I have.
I have shared in other posts on TMB about my low Testosterone issue. I did have my wife come along on a couple of visits since there was a concern of a growth on my pituitary gland. She did hear the endocrinologist comment on my low T and how she (the doctor) felt that the medical profession – specifically the medical insurance and medical administrators – was treating men like me with low T completely wrong. Yes I am in the “range” but my numbers were close the bottom of the range. In my case we were looking at 73 points at the most over the bottom number if I was 74-75 points lower (total T) I would hav even started on treatment. Free T is in the same position and my % of free T to total was 1.7% and the bottom of that range was 1.6%. The doctors opinion is I should be getting replacement T. But the clinic’s and insurance protocols would not allow it or pay for it.
Now to my issue. My wife has no sympathy, empathy, or even a willingness to understand the affects of low T on me, let along other men. I pointed it out in a couple discussions and other times about why I do somethings, take some supplements, and try to avoid foods that produce more estrogen. She also complains about me being so tired all of the time. I have pointed out that many of the symptoms she has noticed in me are classic symptoms of low testosterone.
Note she complains of being tired all of the time, not sleeping well, dry vagina, and UTI issues – which the doctor suggested estrogen therapy – vaginal to start with. Likewise I have ssen her symptoms and made sure she talked to her doctor about them. These symptoms are a sign of hormonal imbalance in her also. But as far as she is concerned – we both ar win the normal range so we are good to go. But where we are in that range is for people who are 20-30 (maybe 40) years older than us. Yes some of the indicators are looking good but we need a bit of help in a couple areas.
The dilemma – Have others experienced a spouse not be concerned about theirs or your hormone levels and potential lifestyle and health risks? What have you done to get them concerned? Did you just go ahead and do something with out telling them about what you are doing? Did you just let it go and accepted that nothing can be done because your spouse is against hormonal therapy or in denial of the affect of hormonal issues?
I don’t know if you recall when we were going through this…. after my husband found out he had low T, he wanted to work on it naturally. Of course that did help him feel better some, but it did nothing for the low T and he still had the symptoms to deal with. For my own personal stance, I felt like it was his choice to make…. I wanted him to act in faith, no matter which direction he went, but it needed to be an informed choice. (I would want that same courtesy.) He needed to know the benefits and the negative costs that would happen, with his choice, no matter which way he went. Part of the negative cost of not treating his low T, was our relationship. I can’t say that him not taking care of his low T was the sole cause, but it was definite a major underlying factor in the deterioration of our marriage, It took the realization that he could lose me, that made him realize he needed to do more.
I had started this the other morning and it disappeared before I could post it. I had to run away and go to work.
SeekingChange – I do rememeber reading some of what you shared. I do know that you do want your husband to do something about his low T. You saw that the low T was affecting other areas in his life and the life of your marriage. I will just say I envy your husband. I wish my wife had just a small bit of that concern. Yes she is concerned about some stuff in my health, life, our marriage. But not the root causes of the problems. She is curing the symptoms without getting to the root cause and make the needed changes. And this is not just with health issues but all issues in life.
LuckyinLove – Interesting questions. Yes and No, she would be concerned a bit if I had some of the other issues but then would only support me to do stuff to reduce or live with the symptoms. There would be no help or support of solving the bigger problem. This is true for her issues and for any of mine. It is more of look at the surface and control the surface but do nothing about the deeper issues.
In some ways there is that distrust of the older hormonal therapies which she saw the bad results. Other cases it is a thought pattern that the hormones are for sex only and at our time of life and point in marriage we do not need sex. Therefore the hormone treatments would be wastes of time, energy, and money that we cannot spend. Several years ago I shared on the old board a time in which we were watching a sporting event on TV and there was a Viagra or Cialis ad. My wife was offended for a couple reasons. 1. Showing the ad when young people are watching. 2. That there is no need for those because if a man cannot get an erection naturally then it a s sign from God that sex is not important and not needed. The man needs to learn that sex is nnecessary in marriage.
There is a lack of understanding that testosterone and estrogen and other hormonal therapies are needed for more than sex. Those hormones help the body do many functions physically, mentally, and emotionally. The sad thing is my wife is not alone in her attitude and many of us who are suffering either need to learn ways to educate our spouses that this is not just for sex but for the other benefits. So I go back to my first post and aske these questions:
- Have others experienced a spouse not be concerned about theirs or your hormone levels and potential lifestyle and health risks?
- What have you done to get them concerned?
- Did you just go ahead and do something with out telling them about what you are doing?
- Did you just let it go and accepted that nothing can be done because your spouse is against hormonal therapy or in denial of the affect of hormonal issues?
I am 32 and currently on TRT because my T levels were that of an 80 year old man! For me, I have always been a weight lifter, ate healthy, etc. However despite all this I struggled with constant fatigue, brain fog, and most importantly, and inability to connect and empathize with my DW. I got a blood test and my T levels came back low. Now depending on your doctor they could be low or “normal low,” whatever that means. Anyways my DW was very concerned with me going on testosterone because my Dad was on testosterone when he took his own life, and my mom always blames T for the reason he changed and did that. My DW and I sat down and had an honest conversation about where my heart is, her concerns, and how to mitigate them. One of her main concerns would be that it would change me mentally, make me so horny that I would not be able to control myself, and act out of our marriage. I understood her concerns and I explained to her that I cant continue living life with this brain fog and constant fatigue. I also believed I was struggling with low level depression too. So we came to and agreement, we will a trail run of TRT for 10 weeks and see how it is. She has all the say the in the matter, if im acting different, she doesnt feel safe, etc, she can tell me to stop.
I am about 3 weeks into my treatment and I can say that I havent felt this good in years. My energy is through the roof, my fatigue has subsided, our communication is better than it has ever been and im able to connect and empathize with her more than any point in our marriage. My DW has noticed the difference too.
With the health risks, more and more research is showing that low T is more unhealthy than TRT. And if there is any concern I get bloodwork done every three months and donate blood appx every 6 months.
I would not go ahead and do anything without telling them. Open honest communication and vulnerability are key here.
I thought I would have to let it go because my spouse was so apprehensive in the beginning, but sitting down and having an honest convo about where her fears are coming from and how to mitigate them is key.
If you have any other questions im here to help.