Spouse on TMB?
it seems like there are about 10-15 “regular” contributors to each post. Of those, how many are spouses?
Does your spouse want to participate in these posts, even if they are not officially signed in to the TMB?
It seems safer to me to have both spouses involved in these types of conversations, but wondered what your thoughts were?
My DH is a member. He does not post as often as I do because he is much busier than I am and is less likely to have something to say (not just here, but just in general). But I love to read his posts because sometimes he says things I might not otherwise learn from him. I also LOVE to flirt with him via the boards! I encourage him to read all my PMs and sometimes remind him because he just forgets that he hasn’t read them in a while. We are both invested in having a great love life and talk about sex often and our conversations are positively affected by the topics on the board.
So if I properly interpret the OP’s first question, the answer would be that none of the top 10-15 regulars on here are married to each other. The ones who have spouses that sometimes contribute have spoken up. I’ll also speak up in that we have a joint account (“Scott+Zelda”), but I (Scott) do the vast majority of the contributing. Zelda has the username/password, but even when she does contribute it is through me. That said, we do a fair amount of discussing on some of the more interesting (to us) topics.
In terms of spouse “wanting us to participate”, I am certainly guilty of sharing more than Zelda would be comfortable with at times. Doing that is, in fact, the reason we now have a joint account. However, at one point she realized that participating here is good for me/us, so she doesn’t really follow what I’m doing here closely, just accepting that I sometimes overshare (unintentionally, it’s just who I am.)
I absolutely believe that most marriages would benefit (and be “safer”) from both spouses participating or at least having full knowledge of what is going on here. However, many spouses just aren’t interested. Plus, when it’s just one spouse, they can speak up in a way they may not if their spouse was looking over their shoulder (though arguably they should be that open with their spouse…but in reality it’s not always the case.) The fact is, there are a lot of HrD spouses here looking for answers to “boost” their LrD spouses, and not all LrD spouses are okay with that.
So I would love if my wife felt comfortable enough to share her intimate preferences on this website. And yes, it would remove any and all curtains between us.
On the flipside, NOT having her here allows me to be absolutely honest without fear of hurting her feelings or causing added stress, much like the safety of a professional counselor.
My husband is not a part of TMB, and has never been an active part of TMB. He really has no desire to participate here, though I will talk to him about topics that interest me, or like last night, I get prompted to get his perspective when questions are directed at men/husbands. Of course he typically turns them on me and wants me to answer them from my perspective for his own personal interest.
For us personally, there is a “safety” in having open communication around these kind of things. But for us, me sharing the basics of what is going on, like who I am PMing, or those interesting topics… is enough to keep us connected and on the same page. We find we have no need for us both to be actively involved.
My husband is not interested in being a member. He knows I am on here and participate and has on occasion read through some of my posts/threads. He has full access to come on through my account any time he wants he just chooses not to. I doesn’t bother me. I will also sometimes ask or tell him interesting topics that have come up so we can discuss them.
I am far from one of the “regulars” you mentioned… much more of a “lurker” who occasionally weighs in when I think I have something to contribute. That said, I have invited my DW to join me here 2 or 3 times and she has always refused, feeling that I was trying to coerce her to spice up our MB… which is somewhat true since I hoped that interacting with other Christian wives here who are enthusiastic about OS would rekindle that long-missing element of our LMing. It was an occasional treat 5-6 yrs ago that she suddenly took off the table with no explanation, although I sometimes think that it coincides with our relocation to a new city and a new group of church friends that she became close to. She knows that I visit and sometimes contribute here but never (as far as I know) checks in although early on I gave her my UN and PW.
I will sometimes incorporate some of the ideas that are discussed here into our MB without specifically giving TMB the credit.
Yes, my wife is on here. I showed her TMB (the old site) when we were engaged. We talked about stuff when she wasn’t a member as well and we definitely do now. We’ve got nothing to hide and sexual conversations happen regularly whether she posts or not. I do keep her informed about PMs because I firmly believe that honesty breeds intimacy.