Still here, just in the background

Someone commented a while back that they hadn’t seen some folks that used to be more active in a while. I wanted to say that I’m still here, I’ve just needed to take a step back for a bit. To be completely honest, it’s just difficult to see the kind of relationship that I so desperately want for my own marriage. If I can at least attempt to forget or distract myself from the deeper connection I crave and wanting to be desired and pursued sexually then maybe I could just be content with the progress we’ve made in the last two years.

Quick Recap:
Wifey suffers from Bipolar 2 depression, anxiety, fatigue, and poor self-image. Her depressive moods are more under control thanks to a switch in medication and getting to the right dosage. Unfortunately, her psychologist moved just after the switch and the new doc has been less exploratory and more just maintaining what was previously done.  And now with a global pandemic, her heightened anxiety is the next battle to fight.

I’ve been struggling to find resources for partners of those with mental illness, so I’ve just been trying to understand the illnesses from what resources I can find. I did find a podcast from a woman who’s husband has Biploar 2. It was helpful to know there are others with similar struggles and feeling validation that it isn’t just me. But it was also hard because she said she had given up on having a fulfilling sex life.

The quarantine has been good in some ways. I’m able to work from home and I’ve stretched my schedule to 6 days a week so I’ve gotten to spend more time with Wifey and the kids. I’m actually getting more sleep than I usually do which is nice. I’ve been able to see Wifey’s positive moods in light of all the chaos happening. She is navigating the landscape of homeschooling really well, much better than she would have 6 months ago.

I’m just wrestling with my sex drive like I always have. It’s harder because being well-rested and in close proximity to the woman I love ramps up my libido. Her positive moods have allowed for more joking and flirting, but that’s as far as it goes. If I directly bring up sex or try to have a deeper conversation it triggers her anxiety and shuts down our connection. Having your spouse steel her nerves and psyche herself up in order to have sex and then to have all the attention and focus on trying to get her responsive desire going is just demoralizing after a while.

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4 Answer(s)

    Thanks for sharing an update Jpops. It is good to hear from former “regulars” even if the news isn’t necessarily great. We will be praying for you and your DW.

    As I’m sure you know, but it’s always nice to hear reminders, you only see a snippet of the relationships discussed on a forum like this. And that snippet is usually filtered through just a single spouse. There are always things that aren’t discussed or the other spouse has a differing opinion. With your post here, I do see signs of hope and a slow improvement. Lots of slow/small steps can eventually add up into big changes. Finally, mental health is not my expertise, but is your DW getting regular exercise to help both her mind and body?

    -Scott

    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on April 25, 2020.

    Trying to, we’ve gone on a few walks and we got bicycles for the whole family this month so she’s been able to get out and exercise more. Certainly not a daily thing, but I’m encouraged that she has the motivation to get out and go for it now.

    on April 25, 2020.
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      Good to hear from you @Jpops. Thank you for sharing your reality and your struggles. You aren’t alone, even when it can feel that way.

      I have noticed that in my biggest trials and when I feel the most hopeless, that’s when God reveals Himself in a new and real way… have you seen His presence? He is fully engaged (present) in your life….keep your eyes and ears open for Him always! Praying for you.

      I just listened to this message this morning, maybe it will encourage you: https://www.life.church/media/there-is-a-reason/theres-purpose-in-your-pain/

       

      Under the stars Answered on April 25, 2020.
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        Thanks for sharing. Prayers during this difficult time.

        Under the stars Answered on April 25, 2020.
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          Thank you Jpops.  I can see that the issues and struggles we have had in the past and even some things presently are just common to man.  But I d not mean to minimize the difficulty of your situation.  I am praying for you both.

          Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on April 25, 2020.
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