Still new at this.
My DH and I have been married for 5 years and it feels as if we are still new to sex. We discovered a new position and new things to do but I found out most couples already know how to do them. I’m still opening up more about trying new things but I feel bad. It’s still hard for me to get on top and it’s hard for us to do oral. I’m still uncomfortable with oral and don’t know how to do it. I feel like we’re behind because we’re still inexperienced.
You know… I didn’t join TMB until we were 18+ years into our marriage, and I was learning ALL kinds of new things. Part of the fun and the intimacy growing in the journey and learning things as you go… don’t get too wrapped up in what you don’t know, just enjoy each other!
It’s fun. Have fun. You’re on a journey together and that’s awesome. Keep talking. Keep trying. Have sexploration times where the goal is just trying things slowly to see what feels good. Laugh. Get messy. If something doesn’t work or isn’t fun, try it again a week…a month…or years later. Again the goal should be taking time…taking turns (in session or separate ones) just pleasuring the other, enjoying the journey, the response, having fun and being alone together.
I will add that I believe many men enjoy sexually confident women. You don’t have to feel that way, you can fake it till you make it and as you ask and receive feedback (both of you), you’ll learn and grow together. My DW & I have been married for three years (2nd marriage for both) we’re both learning because, especially DW, we were both in near sexless (or more the last years for me) 15-16 yrs marriages. DW wasn’t confident about oral…being flirtatious…lingerie…initiating…phone or video sexting. I don’t know what others are like, and it doesn’t really matter, because all that matters is her opinion for me and mine for her because it’s OUR journey and OUR marriage bed.
You mentioned oral sex. There are plenty of books and articles on the topic. Find one or two or three, read and study them and then tell your husband you read something and you’d like to try it and get his feedback. Also, I’ll post something below that is from themarriagebed.com, which was shared by Paul & Lori, who actually started these forums years ago.
Also, some positions just don’t work for some due to knees, hips, height difference, physical ailments or disabilities, or changes with aging, that’s ok. One thing to mention and consider, there are a lot of variations of WOT that can be done other than on the bed. For example, if your knees bother you, try sitting on your husband’s penis in a chair or weight bench (facing him OR in reverse) or sit on top of him on the floor or bed with your legs extended by his head. What about other furniture? Liberator pillows and furniture? They can add fun and variety and different angles that aren’t as easily achievable in the bed alone. Even a regular pillow under your husband’s butt can change the angle of penetration for you and can ease the angle and stress on one’s knees.
Learning together is all the fun. Talk about it. It’s ok to make suggestions to each other. You have the web to learn and find different techniques before trying. Just relax, enjoy, try new stuff and be able to laugh if one of you pulls a muscle, falls, or has a muscle spasm …. your marriage bed should be a combination of intimacy, fun, laughs, trust and orgasms.
Maybe it still feels new because it is new. Five years–I don’t know your age, but you may be expecting to have married sex for 45 years total, so you’re 11% of the way through.
Do you think freshmen in high school still think high school is new in November of their first year? Of course many do, and that’s about how far along you are now percentage wise!
We are closing in on 13 yr of marriage now, and things still feel really new for us at times. In some ways, this past year had more new sexual things than any since our first year married. So if you’re starting a “this is new” club, can we join?
And while you should keep trying the oral, do remember it’s not for everyone. It’s been over 8 months since I’ve given even minor cunnilingus, and it’s been far longer than that since I’ve received even a hint of fellatio (and there’s a real chance I’ll never receive that again). That’s okay!
Just keep learning and trying new things. And here’s a hint–if you have kids or have them in the future, don’t let that cause any long-term interference in your sex life. 😉