Still trying to figure out this post-surgery circumstance
It is just a little over one year since surgery. I am enjoying post-surgery/menopausal sex, and have not had many problems in the way of hot flashes, lack of lube. The one persistent issue I’m having, I did try to talk to a doctor about (I can’t remember whether it was the surgeon’s nurse or the doctor at my annual exam), but the answer was “give it time” and I’m not sure I really explained it well. Since it’s still happening, I’ve been pondering how to explain it well enough.
Looking at the female genitalia, the classic illustration view between the legs with the woman lying on her back, imagine a clock over the vaginal opening. I’ve heard TV coroners do this. So the top, nearest the clitoris is 12:00 and the bottom nearest the, well, bottom is 6:00. So the problem I am having is that during sex it feels as if 5:30 and 6:30 have been stitched together and now when DH’s penis enters, it feels like it presses down on the imaginary stitches and pulls so that 5:30, 6:00, and 6:30 are being ripped or torn. It’s as if he is coming in at the wrong angle, but it’s the same angle as always and I can’t seem to make any adjustment to relieve the pressure.
It does not totally spoil the pleasure by any means. (It mainly makes me kind of sore afterward.) I am fairly certain there were not any actual stitches at the vaginal opening, but only at the point where the cervix was removed. DH has looked and can’t see anything that doesn’t look right. I can’t feel anything with my fingers that feels wrong.
Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any idea what the problem might be?
I/we have no experience in this area, but what you’re describing sounds to me like issues with your perineum. Is that correct?
If so, Googling perineum issues post hysterectomy might give some additional info (the term “perineum” would be critical in such a search). Also, I believe that perineum issues can come up after some pregnancies, so you might look into resources tailored to that to see if they are of any help.
I am saddened (not going to say “sorry“) this is happening, but your medical practitioner’s advice on waiting may just work out too.
I am not in menopause, nor have I ever had surgery there, but I had exactly what you describe, after one of our babies. If my lower body wasn’t positioned just right, it pulled. I only had a couple stitches after childbirth, but if I remember right, that pulling, ‘tearing stitch’ feeling lasted a couple years. Doctor said I had healed well. DH couldn’t see anything. It was not only during sex, but while working, twisting, not quite sitting just perfectly, etc. Its gone now, but I remember wondering if I would have this all my life, or after every baby. But, its gone now and I never had any more trouble once it left.
Sounds like it could be scar tissue, which would break down over time, hence the original advice to wait.
Having said that, it’s worth getting a second opinion from a doctor who has actually examined you, not least because there may be treatments that could help it break down more quickly.
I’d highly recommend getting a second opinion from a gyn who will take your concerns seriously. Stop waiting. Seek help. There is physical therapy available, or massage or other helps for that area of the body. If it was your right hand that wasn’t functioning properly you’d go to a specialist and get help. You’ve already waited a long time. Maybe there is nothing to be done but I wouldn’t accept that advice from just one doc. There is no way a doc can know everything. Pick their brains and get explanations. Then ask another doc. It’s OK to advocate for your own health. The docs don’t have to live with your issues everyday but you do. I hope this encourages you..,It’s meant to encourage you! (((Hugs)))
Thank you both @Scott and @Brynna! Looking at your answers in combination, I’m beginning to suspect that when I research the perineum I might discover it has to do with stretching. I did, after all, “deliver” everything that was removed through that opening. I don’t know how it all compared to a baby, but I’m guessing there were hands and stretchers and…I should probably stop thinking about that now!! 😉 Thanks guys!
Thanks all. I did some research last night and found some truly horrifying pics of tears from childbirth, among other information, but nothing directly related to a stretching injury caused by LAVH similar to a stretching injury caused by giving birth. Still, that explanation makes sense to me, and I already have an estrogen cream I can use twice a week “as needed”; maybe I “need” it a little more often than I realized. I tend to not use it unless I am 100% positive there will be no chance of sex because I don’t ever want it to be a case of, “Well we’re both in the mood, and we could, but for the cream!” I also really hate the messy feeling I have all the next day. I guess I just need to decide when I’m going to apply it and then make absolutely sure we are intimate before that.
There might also be a little bit of feeling like using it is admitting I am “post-menopausal”, which is so often the euphemism for “dried up old woman”. I keep willing my body to remain highly sexual and “above” needing any help. Kind of dumb, now that I think of it, considering I was never able to will my body to conceive or even behave itself where periods were concerned. But at least I can focus on being grateful to have the option of the cream.