Surviving to Thriving

    I know this may sound silly, but I am going to put it out here anyway, as part declaration, as part accountability, and in part an invitation for others to join in, be a witness and be a part.  I also know me, and if I don’t publicly declare this and in essence have others be a part, it would be easy to quit as soon as I get tired or it gets hard. I also covet any prayers. 🙂

    I realize that we are 3+ weeks into the new year, and I have never really been into New Years resolutions or those “word of the year” things.  But yet I can’t help but feel like I am ready to enter into more transformation, with more renewing of my mind.  I am ready (I think 😳 ) to move out of the place of comfort and security that I desperately needed for healing.  I am ready to leave “surviving” and move into “thriving” in my life, generally speaking but it includes sexually.  I am ready to delight myself in being delighted in.  I want to feel alive, to feel pleasure and passion again, I want it to breathe life in me rather than it feel like it’s sapping it from me.

    Here’s something some may scoff at and it seems silly (or stupid) but I am seeking a motivational song, an anthem of sorts, or a “theme song”, that every time I hear it, think of it, or play it, it reminds me and moves me to continue to shed the old and walk into the new.  Any suggestions?  If it has to do with being a woman, maybe, that’s all the better.?.  (An example, at one time I was grieving a lost relationship, after so long, I got tired of that grief and sadness consuming me, and Fight Song became that motivational song, and it stirred a fight in me to shed that sadness and take my life and happiness back.)

     

    Right now, I am thinking through some specific and practical steps I can take in this.  If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them.  I realize that one of my weaknesses is that I often have a lot of knowledge, I “know” the answers, but that can become so vast and overwhelming, I have a hard time and freeze at knowing how to take things step by step.

     

    If you have any desire to do something similar in your own life, I would love to walk with others together through it, so please comment and share!

     

     

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    28 Answer(s)

      SC, very nice thread. I have no answers for you, but I will be following this.

      For myself, I have been thinking the last couple months, exactly about the title of this thread. However, its not about our marriage. Its about going from surviving to thriving, in my life in general. For several years, especially this last year, I feel that now I need to get to the ‘thriving’ point. Life has hurled several things in our direction and I feel like now its time to start pulling out of that. I have felt like I am drowning at times, and like a turtle living in its shell, that pulls its head in anytime someone comes around.

      I am a vibrant person and full of life, but its been hidden so long and except for close friends, people do not know the real me. Trust does not come easily for me, and I believe that people feel that.

      For myself, it helps to have a mentor or accountability partner. This sounds funny, but I am the most determined person that I know, and I don’t give up. So, its hard to actually find anyone to hold me accountable, because I usually outlast anyone who joins me. But, a couple of them have fallen into my lap, so to speak, and I am using them since they made themselves available.

      Thanks to everyone on TMB for all you have done and for just taking me in!

      Under the stars Answered on January 22, 2020.
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        This isn’t silly at all. It’s empowering. I went through this process after my breakdown. So much of it involves knowing who we were made to be in God’s eyes, recognizing the talents he gave us, and challenging ourselves to grow past what we we thought we were capable of. It’s hard work, but it’s incredible. It’s a lifelong journey, and very worth it. I am so wholly different than what I was 10 years ago, and I can bring better glory to God as a result.

        My song as I was going through the initial process was “Stronger”, by Mandisa. I’m not big on praise and worship songs, but that one really reached me as I was early in my recovery. I sang it every day as I drove into work.

        In my current stage, the hymns “It is Well With My Soul” and “Come Thou Count of Every Blessing” are my mainstays for keeping grounded. “Drops of Jupiter” by Train is what I consider my theme song, mainly because I identify with the woman in the song. It reminds me how far I’ve come.

        And I also echo “This is Me” from Greatest Showman.

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on January 22, 2020.

        The Greatest Showman strikes again! “This is Me” would probably be my #2 from that movie for SC’s request, though several others from that movie rank above it in a general sense.

        on January 22, 2020.

        I started listening to ‘This is Me’ before you mentioned it, there’s been something bothersome to me in those lyrics ever since I watched the movie, and I am not sure I can get past that.

        Thanks for the suggestions, I am checking them out.  I am praying the Lord will bring me the right one, and I believe I will know it when I hear it.

        on January 22, 2020.
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          Chelle, I had no friends until I was 17. Not one person to confide in. I didn’t even know it was ok to have feelings. I also internalized everything, right up until my health was compromised. Being a giver, I spent my whole life just giving, and not being able to receive. Recently, I have been made to think about what ‘I’ would like. Of course, I can rattle off all sorts of physical things and items. But as in relationships, marriage, etc. I had not given much thought as to what I would really like.

          And don’t feel one bit bad for unloading your troubles on a mentor. I hope to someday be that person for someone else. I am, in much smaller ways. And I never feel like those friends are just dumping me under. I feel honored and humbled, when one calls and says they need advice. Sometimes, all we can do is laugh together and even that feels better!

          For myself, this forum has given me a wonderful place to start. Its helped me tear down some walls and just be more myself in real life. Its answered many questions and not made me feel dumb for being ignorant. God knows how badly I wanted to change something/anything, if only I had known what.

          Under the stars Answered on January 23, 2020.
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            @SC, thanks for sharing that! It is so encouraging and I am so happy for you! Yes, I will pray for you that you can move with great elegance, full dignity, and deep delight from surviving to thriving!

            I encourage you to remember the words of Jesus in John 7:37-38 Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. 38 Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.

            Under the stars Answered on January 23, 2020.

            Thank you for the prayers and the encouragement… I appreciate it more than I can say.

            on January 23, 2020.

            Yes, I will be praying. You’re on a good path!

            on January 23, 2020.
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              @Chelle, I agree with Brynna that being here can definitely help us learn to be more open in our communication.  It can make the subject of sex or those things we have felt should be “secret”, more “normal” to talk about.  I have heard many people talk about how internet is like a false relationship or false connections, but in my situation and with my personality, it’s been a God-send.  Therefore, I fully believe that some wonderful things can come from relationships on it, even if there are also some negatives to the culture as a whole.

              I don’t know for sure what you are searching for, but if you would like some kind of accountability or someone to listen to you and that you can process your own thoughts with, without judgement, and maybe receive a little feedback, and definitely some prayer,  you are welcome to PM me, or share here publicly.   I can honestly say, that out of the multiple people who have talked to me, whether it’s been a short one time thing, or that it’s drawn out into 6+ years of friendship, I have never once felt like I was being bothered, that they were a nuisance, or that they were burdening me.  This is what the body of Christ is for, to help carry each others burdens, and I strongly believe, that we, even though online, are that body.  I often find it a privilege to walk beside others to help carry their burden.  I can feel some inadequacy because I may not have answers, but I can always listen and pray.  This is really up to you, because you know what you need and what you are comfortable with, but you have an open invitation from me.

              Under the stars Answered on January 23, 2020.

              Thank you, I’m humbled by your offer.

              on January 24, 2020.
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                My favorite verse besides Him making “all things new” is

                Romans 8:11  And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you” (Romans 8:11)  If you really grasp that, that is ASTOUNDING! I have within me everything i already need, through Christ Jesus. And my spirit is made new! I always have a spirit of self condemnation and to really grasp that is to grasp the Divine and that we can truly do all things through Christ.

                Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on January 23, 2020.
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                  SC, I am so glad to hear you’re moving in this direction. And no, this does not “sound silly”.

                  Two songs stick out in my head, though both are probably a little weird, and I don’t know if they’ll fit with you.

                  1. “Everything’s Not Awesome” from Lego Movie 2. It’s kind of a rebirth-based song and also exemplifies maturing.
                  2. “From Now On” from The Greatest Showman. It’s also a rebirth song, though maybe fits less with your situation (as the singer is going back to what he truly wants to be after pursuing goals that were too lofty and wordly, and that is definitely not your situation).

                  Both of those are certainly secular and require having seen the movies to get much out of (and Lego Movie 2 is just weird).

                  Short of those, “Eye of the Tiger” is of course a great motivating theme. 😀

                  You also mentioned “step by step”, which actually made me think way back to the old Rich Mullins song “Sometimes by Step”. I loved that song in high school (yes, I’m younger than most here). It might have been better for your last phase of healing, but I wanted to mention it and also thank you for reminding me of it, as I just pulled it up on YouTube and listened to it.

                  As for a woman song, the only thing that popped into my head is absolutely the opposite of what you need, which is Martina McBride’s “Independence Day”! 😳

                  As you know, we’re also going through some transformation and set some goals for the year. I may be back to speak about that, but I did want to get my odd music things out there!

                  -Scott

                  Under the stars Answered on January 22, 2020.

                  I LOVE the Greatest Showman, and that’s my favorite song from the movie, I’ll have to go check it out and see if “I feel it.” 😉  I’ll check the other one out too, I can’t say I sat and watched the Lego movie, but I know my teenagers have.

                  Rich Mullins…. man, you took me back…. and how was that song popular when you were in high school when it was when I was in high school? 😉  I still remember singing it at camp and in youth group.   Not all that many know him, but in the area I grew up, he was pretty well known.

                  on January 22, 2020.

                  This version of From Now On has potential and the right beat. 🙂

                  on January 22, 2020.

                  Going to have to disagree with that–no one sings it like Wolverine!

                  As for the Rich Mullins song, I think I solved the quandary. I got the song from the “Songs” CD (if you can remember what CD’s are/were), which I knew was released in 1996. But the song debuted in 1986! Oh, and it wasn’t “popular” when I was in high school. I wasn’t one of the “popular” kids…

                  -Scott

                  on January 22, 2020.

                  Trust me, I like Hugh Jackman’s version… but, I like the fact that version is upbeat the whole way through.   Thanks for clearing things up around Rich Mullins 😀

                  on January 22, 2020.

                  Ya’ll are just young whippersnappers!  Rich Mullins was popular when I was way out of high school and starting my ministry as a youth pastor!  Ah….the good old days!!! 🙂

                  on January 22, 2020.

                  On the Rich Mullins train, I have to comment that his Here In America is one of my all-time favorites. Lifts me right up into the heavens, although I don’t think it’s necessarily what you are looking for. It’s just a great song.

                  on January 24, 2020.
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                    Just a quick answer, music is one of my “drugs” of choice, it is my top favorite for making me even feel normal and some happiness/joy! i hope you find your song! Also i don’t know what type of music you like.

                    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on January 22, 2020.

                    I am very eclectic when it comes to music.  I tend to like a song because it moves me in some way, not because it belongs to a certain genre.  I have everything from classical, country, heavy metal bands, and just about everything in between, on my ipod.

                    on January 22, 2020.

                    Same but it’s the music that moves me, i don’t pay much attention to lyrics as much as beautiful music. AFA CCM, don’t like much of that and have found there are literally HUNDREDS of indie Christian music (for those who don’t know and listen particularly to music w/Christian lyrics). I tend to love shoegaze, space rock, all kinds of indie music on the internet, even post hardcore with aggressive guitars, don’t really know much at all about music that’s played on radio.

                    on January 22, 2020.

                    I listen to instrumental musical when I want to relax and it brings me peace.  I am guessing I haven’t really listened to what you are speaking of though…now I am curious and want to check it out.  But, for this, I need lyrics.

                    on January 22, 2020.
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                      I’m really not sure what you’re looking for, but last year I challenged myself to try one new thing a week. I called it ‘New Things in ’19.’  It pushed me out of my complacency and was actually really fun and DH joined me in some new adventures. It ran the gamut of volunteering to be a Chemo Angel to making kale chips for the first time.

                      On the floor Answered on January 22, 2020.

                      Very interesting and that’s a good idea!  I will keep this in mind.  I am starting a list of things I want to be intentional about. Some will be new things, and some will just be going back to things I used to do, but have moved away from.  Some will be simpler, and others will take much more effort.

                      on January 22, 2020.
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                        No silliness at all! It is empowering to just commit to the Lord’s leadership in change, growth and the blessings of obedience.  I desire to grow out of myself and know Christ better this year as well.  I’m not much into music, or I can’t recall much I have heard on KLove or Air1.  I’m old school and would suggest one that motivates me, “And Can It Be?”

                        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on January 22, 2020.

                        Thanks for the encouragement and sharing!

                        on January 22, 2020.
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