The morning after….
For years, the morning after we have sex, its just more difficult for DH and I to get along. It feels like we could just sit and growl at each other and can get so nit picky and argue. I have to work so hard on this. For the record, its not just me. Its both. We can have a great time the evening before and a good time of cuddling and afterglow. But its just strange how we can get up the next morning and things just don’t go well, unless I put huge effort forth. By noon or so, things settle down and we are good to go again. It doesn’t happen all the time, but the majority of the time, it does.
Is there a reason for this? Do others experience it, too? If not, any ideas?
I’ve noticed this from time-to-time. I can’t quite figure out what the root cause is. It can be confusing since we enjoyed the afterglow and feel closer than ever right after! We can be quite irritable toward each other at first the morning after. Usually, I have a higher desire for sex or some form of intimacy again the next day after we’ve had sex the night prior.
I’ve noticed a similar effect from when we’ve gone on vacation for a week and our frequency is much higher. The week or two after while we’re back in our normal home and work routines, we both tend to get a little more easily frustrated with each other easier.
We do not experience this. In fact, I’d argue it’s the exact opposite for us. It certainly is for me. The morning after, I’m positively beaming and Zelda can do nothing wrong in my mind. She certainly seems affectionate of me as well. Sex really does draw us closer.
I wonder if what you’re describing is just a hormonal after effect no different from what I experience (but opposite in nature). A similar thing is the “chaser effect” where I feel a lot of desire/arousal for several hours the morning following nighttime coitus. It’s well established that there are a flood hormones in your system post orgasm, and each person’s response to them is different.
I do feel bad that this is how the morning after sex works out for you though!
I concur with Scott completely. I find we’re more patient with each other and kinder to each other the morning/day after sex. It’s one of the many reasons I think regular sex is so important in marriage.
The great news @Brynna is that you recognize it! Now you can seek to change it. Don’t expect perfection from yourself, but do work on it and notice when you see it improving.
It seems the times I have experienced this is when there was unresolved conflict involved. That conflict may have nothing to do with sex, or it could have been a night where he wasn’t really listening to me and he pushed for it anyway. After times like that, I feel unknown and unseen, and I get irritable.
Maybe it’s something where you both subconsciously desire that emotional initmacy you experience the night before, and you both don’t like going back to “normal”? Maybe morning-afters, are like a proverbial Monday, wishing the “weekend” wouldn’t end and keep going on. Just a thought.
Monday mornings after preaching, Spurgeon would be a various state of depression. Having poured himself out in a physical, mental and spiritual way, the exhaustion left him depressed the day after. It could be similar for you as well, Brynna. All the physical, mental, emotional and even spiritual energy devoted to making love may leave you drained of the same the next morning. Perhaps begin the next morning with a quick prayer thanking God for the wonderful time spent with your DH the night before and pray, asking that the afterglow of joining as one through your act of sex keep you mentally, emotionally and spiritually refreshed for the day ahead and with your husband.
Another thing…. don’t underestimate the spiritual side of things. When a husband and wife become one, we truly are a reflection of Christ and the Church. The enemy does NOT like that. He will come in and stir discord. He will come in and try to steal, kill and destroy. Why not make you all irritable with each other? Maybe start fighting it spiritually and praying against it… kind of like @Happily Married mentioned.
I experience something similar Brynna. Frequently, I find that I’m a lot more irritable after sex, or at least more easily irritated. Not just with my wife, but everyone. I think it has something to do with having my emotions exposed by the intimacy with my wife and its like there isn’t a filter in place for a bit. It takes some self evaluation and control to get it back.
Husband here: yes, Brynna, I have experienced the same thing, not always, but certainly often enough to notice the pattern.
In general, the morning after I tend to feel grumpy and emotionally “empty”. Whether this is due to some drop in hormone levels or indeed there is a spiritual reason for it, I do not know. But it definitely happens. So you are not on your own with this experience.