The morning after

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    If you have an enjoyable night of sex together and it’s very satisfying for each of you, do you expect your spouse to carry that satisfaction for a while?  How would you feel if the next morning when you woke up, you find your spouse ready to go or masturbating?  

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      Morning is the time a man’s testosterone is the highest, so morning desire is very common, no matter what happened the night before.   With my husband, I am used to what you described, so it feels normal to me.  But I can have that “I am not enough” feeling creep in, or it can switch to the “blame” him, “he’s never satisfied.”  My first thoughts, it sounds like your wife needs some learning on men in general, and on you. What your desire says about you.  Would it be so offensive to her if she realized that it was the emotional closeness that a husband is often desiring and wanting to prolong, even though it’s manifested sexually?

      I believe you should bring this back up in the next day, ask her what she was thinking and feeling. Listen. Also explain your feelings, not as a defense, but just to help her know.

      Under the stars Answered on January 14, 2020.

      Agreed about more discussion. We are getting a little better on the communication. She is not a morning person, so I don’t even try to bring her into it, but it’s when I’m most interested. At night when all is said and done, I want to cuddle and she wants to roll over and sleep. I think we break the gender norms there.

      on January 14, 2020.
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        For as far back as I remember and I think other men are the same way, a really good night of sex and I am pretty horny the next day.  I think a lot of guys would like to have round two the next morning or masturbate.

        Fell out of ... Answered on January 14, 2020.
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          I often find the morning after a little bit difficult, like I opened the floodgates. DW isn’t a morning person and TMB is the one place where we have agreed that it is okay for me to M, put the two together and it’s the morning after sex that I often want to take care of myself the most. DW wanted me to stop. She said it was for the better for both of us. I respected her wishes but it left me confused. She said it was just too soon. I think maybe it makes her feel like she can’t satisfy me.

          California King Answered on January 13, 2020.
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            You said, maybe she feels like she can’t satisfy you. Perhaps she does feel that way. But, if she says it was just too soon and wants you to stop, those would be the points that you should consider seriously, don’t you think?

            Under the stars Answered on January 13, 2020.

            Which is why I respected her request. I never heard anything like this from her before.

            on January 14, 2020.
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              If my wife was ready to go, I would be ready to go again too. If, I was in your shoes with my wife and I wanted to make love again, she’d expect me to ask her to go again. That was also an agreement that we have and she and I both desire to make love about the same amount of time so it sounds like I might be in a little different situation. Heck, she and I might go again, in the same day, even a few hours apart, especially if one of us didn’t “O” for a variety of reasons….just ’cause we enjoy sex and connecting physically.

              Do you regularly/consistently make love on a more frequent basis (2+x a week)? Why did she say that? It is good that you respected her wishes. It just seems you need to get down to the reason why she thinks that…and you need to ask a few questions as to why you want to go again. (I know what my answer would be.) If she’s feeling like she’s not enough, then she needs reassurance…and more understanding about your drive. If you’re not MLing regularly, then that’s another story that needs to be addressed and it’s a little be more understanding about that OR you’re younger than me. =)

              On the floor Answered on January 14, 2020.
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                Both of us wake up horny the following morning, which almost always leads to more sex.

                And yes, there have been times one of us doesn’t wake up, and the other will masturbate. We both find catching the other hot! We have caught each other many times, which also, leads to more sex.

                King bed Answered on January 14, 2020.
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                  What SeekingChange said. Well said!

                  On the floor Answered on January 14, 2020.
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                    Yes, after a night of passionate lovemaking I often wake up quite turned on and the feeling tends to last during the day. Or, at least, I get a reminder. One thing that tends to happen is that the smell of lovemaking lingers on. So I used to find that the glans of my P gets “coated” with a thin film of DW’s vaginal fluids and some of it remains even after my morning shower. So then whenever I go for a wee, I can smell it faintly on my fingers. I find this quite erotic. (In general I am quite sensitive to smells.)

                    Queen bed Answered on January 15, 2020.
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                      This question introduced an entirely new concept to me. I’ve never had any indication that my DH was more ready for morning sex when we had just done it the night before than when we had not. IDK whether that is because of my slow-to-wake/can’t O in the morning issues (that I’ve mentioned before) or because of his substantial refractory period, or some other reason, but I always have the sense–an assumption, because we’ve never talked about it–that he is satisfied for a while and not nearly as “hungry” for it as he was before the recent encounter.

                      Me, on the other hand, other than the difficulty I have achieving muscle tension in the morning, I am wishing to re-visit and extend the recent pleasure. It’s like when I have cooked a very good meal and the next morning the house still smells amazing so I really want to sit down to that same meal all over again.

                      Try telling your wife it is not about her not satisfying you, but that you are so satisfied, and enjoyed her so much, that you greedily want more of her. That premise would melt me!

                      Under the stars Answered on January 19, 2020.
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                        Neither of us are morning people…DO NOT talk to me before coffee…And due to several combat related injuries I’ve sustained I wake up with pain in my back and a massive headache. The back is cured by sitting up straight and the coffee takes the edge off the headache…But I think we both just aren’t really in the mood for sex in the morning. We generally aren’t all “giddy” from the night before. We’ll maybe mention that we had a good time, but that’s about it.

                        On the floor Answered on January 14, 2020.
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