The Power of Engorgement

    Beloved,

    I wanted to do this post for a long time now and I think and feel this may be an important subject that wives and husbands may be missing out.

    If I was to ask you the question, “How do you know if your spouse is turned on and ready for sex?”

    For us as husbands, we would say, “My wife’s nipples are hard and she is moist in her vulva.”

    Wives will most like say, “His penis has 4.0 hardness.”

    And I would say…this is…partially true.

    I think we as couples are missing an element that is a sure-fire way to know if your spouse is indeed ready.

    I will watch from time to time Susan Bratton (secular sex advisor) on Youtube and she stated something that piques my interest and I think this is, at least for me, a breakthrough.

    Susan stated that husbands will spend 20-ish minutes on foreplay to get the wife ready for sex and think that she is ready.  She states that the way to know for certain a woman is ready for sex is the engorgement of the vestibular bulbs.

    If the vestibular bulbs are engorged, this will increase the pleasure of lovemaking.  In essence, the sides of the vulva will be puffy and pillowy.  This is a hard sign (see what I did there?) that she is definitely aroused fully.

    Engorgement doesn’t just stop there…We as husbands need it too.

    Susan recommended that just like we spent 20 minutes getting our wives turned on until the bulbs are hard and puffy…guess what?  We as men need that engorgement too.

    As a man, if you take the time to feel your perineum while not aroused, the area will yield easily to push in.  If you take 20 minutes to massage your penis, scrotum area, and pubic area, you can start to get this area flushed with fresh blood.  After the 20 minutes, you check again, the perineum (if fit) will feel strong and hard (think of an oak tree).

    I tried this when my wife was away on vacation and after 20 minutes, I could definitely know without a shadow of a doubt I was engorged fully.

    So husbands and wives, make the word “engorgement” your new favorite word and spend time on each other (20 minutes of genital massage and foreplay) to get each other ready.  Trust me…you WILL notice a difference.

    P.S. Husbands, if you need tips on how to engorge your area, let me know.  I can share what has worked for me.  Also, if time is a factor, do the best you can.  Never underestimate the power of Kegels. If you need a kegel program, let me know…I can share what has worked for me as a man and what resource I use too.

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    12 Answer(s)

      these are great tips! I agree–we have found this to be true for us as well. And yes, we can’t say enough good about Kegels for both of us!

      California King Answered on July 27, 2019.
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        I like your post, Elevation. I am not a husband, but I do sometimes share what I learn here, with mine. Is there any way you could post how to do Kegels for a male? No worries if you don’t want to.

        On the floor Answered on July 27, 2019.

        Here is a kegel program that is for men and women that I recommend highly:

        on July 27, 2019.

        Thank you we will check it out!

        on July 27, 2019.
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          Thanks for the helpful information! Nice work.

           

          Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2019.
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            This concept is interesting and even grand in theory. But I am having a hard time with this idea, because who has this much time (20 min her, 20 min him, plus however long actual intercourse takes) to make this a habit on a daily/2x a day schedule? I guess it comes down to a choice of “quantity vs quality”, at least for us. :/ Since he takes the lead, quantity it is for us.

            Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2019.
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              Sounds interesting. I’m not sure I could swing 20 minutes of foreplay for me past Wifey. She has a hard time getting mentally in the groove for sex in the first place that I fear she would lose it while focusing on me. Plus, she has said in the past that she feels awkward during foreplay and isn’t sure what to do. (I may have found a future question! Stay tuned!) However, if we could figure out mutual stimulation, it may work. In the meantime, I’ll start working on my kegels.

              California King Answered on July 27, 2019.

              You could also have a time of self-exploration for 20 minutes where you can discover when you are engorged.  This will help you to be able to know when you are fully aroused instead of partially.

              on July 27, 2019.
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                Remember, sex is 90% in the mind.  I’m all for spending 20 minutes or more on arousal when you can take the time.  In fact, I love to do that and longer.  But when you cannot, sexual arousal can happen as quickly for women as for men.  The key is learning your spouse and discovering those triggers that create almost instant arousal.  And developing those triggers further.  You can also pre-arouse through sexting, sexual banter, contact throughout the day.

                Double bed Answered on July 27, 2019.
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                  For those who stated time is a factor (which I understand)….you can use engorgement as a marker to know if you are fully aroused or not by touching those areas yourself.  This will teach you to notice your arousal state.

                  On the floor Answered on July 27, 2019.
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                    Do you think most men reach full engorgement just by the foreplay process for her….the visual and touch of the naked body, being sexual towards her, etc?

                    Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2019.

                    Possibly…The real key is if you or your husband feels his perineum and if it feels like a large solid root, then he is fully engorged.

                    on July 27, 2019.

                    Speaking for myself, yes that will happen for me but the problem is it happens too quickly. By the time DW is ready I have lost my erection.

                    on July 27, 2019.

                    @Hungry The key is to build a strong pelvic floor through kegels, prostate training, and edging.

                    on July 28, 2019.
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                      Is “vestibular bulbs” another term for outer labia? Or does it encompass inner and outer labia? Or is it something else entirely? And if it does include the outer labia, is there a more precise indicator than “puffy”? I feel mine have become…stretched?…over time because of skin irritation and already seem somewhat enlarged over what they used to be.

                      Also, does full engorgement in the perineum affect how long a man can last?

                      Under the stars Answered on July 27, 2019.

                      Per Susan: “Under the labia majora are the vestibular bulbs. They get engorged from pressure, kneading and stroking and puff out her outer lips to make superlative padding for more intense lovemaking”

                      Here is a Wikipedia clinical picture for the inner portion: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulb_of_vestibule#/media/File:Clitoris_Anatomy.svg

                      On the outer part of the vulva, the sides of the labia majora and would be puffy in appearance and to the touch.

                      Regarding full engorgement for a man…for me, the engorgement lasts long as I need it to…I account this for a strong pelvic floor through kegels and secular yoga poses.  

                      on July 27, 2019.

                      Thanks! I looked that up, then followed a couple rabbit trails to some information describing the role of the uterus in orgasmic contractions (NOT something I want to read now!) But I am excited to try focusing on this part of arousal when we are able to get back to it, or maybe sneak a preview, since it doesn’t require anything IV…but not too far ahead.

                      on July 27, 2019.
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                        So if DH isn’t fully engorged, does that mean he won’t get there or he likely will with more stimulation? I know exactly what you are talking about. I am meaning a totally healthy man, not one with ED.

                        On the floor Answered on July 27, 2019.

                        I think he can get there…You can check if you touch his perinum area as I noted before…If your DH is soft, he is not engorged fully…If he is, the area will feel hard like a tree trunk or root.

                        on July 27, 2019.
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