The Spiritual effect of intimacy problems
I don’t want to use this as an excuse for any lack in my walk with Christ, but when I hit a break point in my marriage as our sexual relationship only got worse, my spiritual walk really took a hit.
I feel like a failure and reason that I’m a bad husband and not a very good person. Why would Christ choose me? Why wouldn’t He reject me? I know my theology well but the wires connecting knowledge to heart have rusted through all this. Do others see a connection here, or have you experienced it? How do you work through it? Ultimately, being Christ-like in my marriage will have more effect in changing my marriage. I also have experienced the contentment of knowing Jesus and realize that He is more to be sought after that my wife.
I think all aspects of our lives are interconnected. And I think you know which are most important. Yes, as you say, Jesus is more to be sought after than one’s spouse or greater intimacy with one’s spouse, etc. In the Gospel of John shows us repeatedly the intimate relationship He had with the Father. That is what He wants to have with us and He also desires that we have that with each other. May that be your experience soon!
Of all the aspects of our lives, it should be the spiritual that guides, empowers and blesses the others.
Yes, I believe there is a connection. I am not sure what comes first, but either way, this surfaces our unbeliefs in who God is.. Either our unbelief that God doesn’t fully accept us and might reject us (or whatever we doubt), colors how we see others actions. Or, others actions brings out what we doubt or don’t believe about God.
If you were fully secure and fully believed in God’s love and acceptance of you, and you believed He is always good, and He is fully present and engaged in your life, do you think another’s actions would shake you and toss you around as the waves? I hope you know I am not pointing fingers. I believe every single one of us has this process of working through our different unbeliefs. …. it’s called sanctification 🙂
How I am learning to work through it…. lean into it. Embrace it. Realize this is redemptive suffering and God has a glorious purpose for it. In this darkness and in this wilderness, we can come to know God in such a way, that we will come out the other side unshakable and we will find peace and rest, because it will no longer be about you or me.
We can also reject it and just be miserable.
I definitely know what you’re experiencing. In my case I can feel unloved and overlooked by both Wifey and God. It manifests in satan’s attacks as “God doesn’t really care about you or your desires”. Couple that with a childhood church background of “purity culture” and I can beat myself up feeling like my legitimate desire for my Wifey is sinful. I feel like God is distant and disinterested, which are all LIES! When we are able to join together, all the lies and voices and attacks are silenced! It’s almost like the spiritual aspect of sex is too Holy and satan is unable to operate in its presence. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Please know that God’s design is for oneness and connection with Him and our spouse. I pray that you can connect with your wife soon and experience the love of God through it.
I’ve been working through a train of thought that we as Christians are called to be the physical manifestation of Christ in the lives of others and that the marriage bond is the highest reflection of that, especially when it comes to sex. I’ve heard too many Christians say “There’s more important things in marriage than sex”. Which on the face of it sounds like it should be true, because the spiritual bonding is what we’re really after. But without the physical manifestation of the sexual relationship, they are neglecting a key aspect of that spiritual connection.