Thursday, January 23, 2020 – Today’s Questions(s) of the Day
This QOTD made me think hard. Wet dreams puzzled me; my first one at about 10 or 11 years of age. However, the ‘moment of awareness’ dawned on me during a ‘pile-on game’ about that same time. It was among some friends – boys and girls. We were horsing around by seeing who could take the most weight before crying ‘uncle.’ I remember that it felt good and for ‘some reason’ I wanted to ‘pile on’ with a girl, not a boy, under me. After about 15 to 20 minutes of this horseplay I was low in the pile lying on top of a girl and this amazing feeling came over me. It was the first conscious orgasm and ejaculation that I experienced. Realizing I was wet – really wet! – I ran to the bathroom to clean up and try to rub the wetness off my jeans to no avail. My thoughts ranged from embarrassment to ‘what just happened’ to mixed thoughts of ‘that felt good’ and ‘I did something really bad.’
Fortunately, the way my mother handled my ‘wet dream’ evidence – ‘be sure to change your underwear everyday’ – and her comfortable way of teaching us about sex that ‘pile on’ orgasm experience did not mar me. As I moved into my teen years, I developed a healthy understanding of why I had sexual urges, made a decision to respect girls, not feel guilty for masturbating, and remain a virgin until marriage.
I’m having a difficult time remembering what age I was but when visiting with my girl cousins they talked about their bodies and talked about boys having “more to hide”. I also recall being conflicted the first time I had a wet dream. It felt so good to wake up to that, but what had just happened? It is also a clear recollection that as a pre-pubescent boy, I had a curiosity toward sexual things – including even receiving oral stimulation.
Even though I masturbated from about 13 on, I had no idea thats what I was doing. I suspect I started because of always being told not to play with oneself and to keep hands away from ‘there’, and just being curious as to why it was such a big deal. I don’t recall having sexual feelings until I was engaged and read a book on sex. Until then, I had a vague idea about what sex was, but no idea about sexual feelings, if that makes any sense.
As I overthink this 😉 😀 I believe I was experiencing sexual responses and physical feelings, before I had sexual thoughts and emotional feelings of desire around sex. But, I was too young to remember the details. I know it was in no later than 4th-5th grade (10-11), maybe younger (8-9). As a kid, I discovered the jets at our local pool. That’s when orgasms and masturbation entered in, but it was about the physical sensations and physiological desire, not about thoughts and emotional sexual desire. I can recall my first experience of seeing nudity on TV and seeing it through the sexual lens the scenes were intended (vs it going over my head)…and that was in the movie Blue Lagoon… but I don’t recall my age. I also know that by 5th grade, I was developing and was one of two girls wearing a bra in our class, and that received some (unwanted) attention from some boys, plus we were being introduced (by talk and observation) to “making out and hickies” by the 6th graders on the playground.
My first sexual thoughts came as a result of being molested at 5 or 6 by an older girl at the babysitter. She was 10ish and so I can only assume she had experienced being molested as well. A few years later I was introduced to pornography and was confused by my bodies response. By the age of 12, I was masturbating regularly and developed a skewed view of females. Thankfully shortly after marriage, my wife accepted Christ and through her example, I became a believer and slowly began to understand more appropriate sexual behavior. Now I look back on those days as if I’m viewing someone else’s life. I’m most thankful for Jesus and my wife for giving me clarity in our marriage.
I guess I was about 10 or so…My cousin and I had paper routes distributing a free paper to apartment’s. All the left-overs went into the dumpsters. One day, we found a stack of Porn magazines. I remember the title of one was OUI, which as a ten yr old, I didn’t know that was “yes” in French. They were extremely graphic, especially for the 80’s. I mean, they were just trash. Anyway, we took them to his house, and were looking at a page which had anal penetration pics on it, when his dad came in. He looked at us, looked at the magazine and said “…and that’s how you avoid getting pregnant.” Yes, a grown man let two 10 yr old keep porn and then advised us how to keep from getting a girl pregnant. Masturbation quickly followed. I Know God does everything for a reason, even if I never know what that reason is…I wish that wasn’t my past…It, followed by viewing porn as I got older ruined my expectations of sex and what a love life was really supposed to be.
Age 9: Girls had cooties. Generally avoided them but invited them to my birthday parties if they were known to give good gifts.
Age 10: The spring of my 4th grade year, while playing tag during recess, had an unexplainable desire to chase after girls. That summer, went to church camp and met a girl I liked and wrote her a friendly letter when I got home.
Age 11: Gave a girl I liked from school and church a pack of gum on Valentine’s Day, my first romantic gift.
Age 9-14: Feelings for girls increasing but not necessarily sexual. I found out what sex was but didn’t really want it. Definitely liked girls though. A lot.
Age 14: Experienced first orgasm. It was a weird, quirky experience. I was playing Super Mario World and time remaining for a particular round I was playing got tight; I was stressed I’d run out of time. That stress caused me to have my first orgasm. In high school, this sort of bizarre yet ultimately innocent trigger for orgasm would on occasion strike while taking tests when I’d be in a race against the clock to finish the last question. I expected it enough that I’d pick out clothes that would hide any mess and I’d stiffen up my body to make sure no one could see if it was happening. To the best of my knowledge, no one ever noticed. While I felt somewhat embarrassed about this, I can’t deny it was enjoyable, and I didn’t feel guilty about this as I was not choosing to make it happen.
Age 14: Discovered masturbation. I didn’t ever get or use pornography in the pre-internet age. Instead, I would shower in my clothes, which for whatever reason did it for me. It felt sort of subversive enough to be sexy yet was much more innocent and practicable than getting porn. And for some reason, I was fascinated by the idea of getting wet in clothes even before I really had truly sexual thoughts. I hid my clothed showering well. I didn’t feel guilty about showering in clothes but did feel guilty about MB itself all the way through high school and college. The idea of wet clothes is still extremely sexy to me (and something my DW is kind enough to indulge me in) but it really kind of started for me as an alternative to porn.
Age 14: That’s probably when I went from thinking girls are cute and I’d like to hang out with them and maybe kiss them to wanting sex with them. My sexual appetite wasn’t fully developed at that point but was pretty strong. To be sure, my moral beliefs were staunchly against having sex outside of marriage. But wow, did I ever want to get married! During this time, I wanted to get married when I was 23, right after college. I had a date picked out and everything. Didn’t find the bride though until a few years after 23, finally getting married and losing my virginity to my wife when I was 29.