Tips for Creating Attachment with Oxytocin?

    The backstory is:  Married 28 years.  Messy, ugly marital history.  Went more than 20 years without getting help for our problems.  I became emotionally detached from my husband.  My low desire is not libido-related, it is that I only feel platonically for my husband.  We finally, successfully resolved the issues that led to the detachment, but the pair-bond relationship was not restored.

    I have been searching for answers since 2013, have read scores and scores of relationship, marriage, and sexuality books and tried all sorts of remedies. Sue Johnson, leading attachment therapist and creator of the highly successful Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), says that attachment injuries happen in 4 phases:  1) anger and protest, 2) clinging and seeking, 3) depression and despair, and 4) detachment.  She goes on to say that in 30 years of practice, she has never seen anyone come back from the detachment phase.

    I am trying my own experiment.  I ordered an oxytocin nasal spray to see if a little chemical boost can help us to do the seemingly impossible, and re-spark a romantic attachment. A wise friend recommended I also take Wellbutrin during this experiment, which would enhance dopamine, another pair-bond enhancing chemical.

    I see my doctor to get some Wellbutrin on Monday, and will begin the experiment right away.  (I am also asking for a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist.  I have already had my hormones tested recently and they are very good.)  Before I start, does anyone have any additional  insights or suggestions into things that might increase this experiment’s chances for success?  Anything else I ought to ask my doctor?

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    5 Answer(s)

      What are you doing now to strengthen your relationship with your husband? How do you spend time with each other? I would suggest that you look for ways to spend time with each other and build your friendship with each other.

      Queen bed Answered on April 9, 2019.

      Great point, SP.  We are great friends now and enjoy spending time together every day, but we will need to be sure that we don’t let it slide when things get busy.

      on April 10, 2019.
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        I agree with SP.

        In addition, I would suggest praying together. And as you do that, for each other too.

        Under the stars Answered on April 9, 2019.

        That’s a fantastic idea, that we aren’t doing.  I will ask him to do this with me.  Thanks!

        on April 10, 2019.
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          I second and third SP and OWM’s comments…your relationship with the Lord and Husband should be solid! suggesting prayer with your husband is a great step if you’re not already doing it.

          On the medical side…a small (tiny) word of caution. Back in ’09 I tried to use Welbutron to try and quit smoking. I had an allergic reaction and ended up in the ER with an IV drip of something else. It’s a small percentage of people, but I wanted you to be aware.

          On the floor Answered on April 10, 2019.

          Thanks for the warning, that must have been scary!  I have used Wellbutrin in the past so it should be okay, but it’s really good to be aware.  Sorry you went through that.

          on April 10, 2019.
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            I’m interested in following this thread.  Please keep us posted, SS.

            On the floor Answered on April 10, 2019.

            Will do.

            on April 10, 2019.
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              My DW of 50 + years started Welbutrin 150 MG at first then twice/day.  Could NOT O on previous meds.  She experienced 2 Os while sleeping which had never happened before.  Only problem she didn’t wake me up to share them.  Check with your doc on how long before Welbutrin kicks in.  It will not be the first day.

              Double bed Answered on May 7, 2019.
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