Today’s Question(s) of the Day for 10/07/2019
I think the buildup throughout the day. If I get home from work, eat dinner, and then say “let’s have sex”…I don’t think the day has had enough flirting or excitement, making me look forward to the whole “event”. I’ not saying every time has to be some big thing…but to be “fully present” to me means, focusing on nothing else, and the best way to do that is to work up to it…which should involve the whole day
Knowing that the kids are not going to interrupt. Knowing that we have plenty of time (time constraints make it harder for me to O, knowing I only have x amount of time makes it almost impossible). Also, a big one for me is not being tired (my favorite sex happens in the afternoons before they day has caught up to me. Not being cold.
In a perfect world, my house would be clean, all my to do list checked off, children all safely home, youngest ones in bed, menus planned for the week, breakfast made by someone other than me the next morning, etc.
In this world, I don’t allow much to hinder me anymore. I used to think I had to have the perfect mindset and everything nicely fall into place. Now I realize how nice it is to relax and have sex. Must be old age creeping up!
All it really takes is shutting off mind to disturbing situations (which takes much practice!) and my DH.
Wow, you make it sound so easy, when there are so many variables.
Right timing is critical….in the morning, if he comes in after my mind has already started planning the day, you won’t get that fully turned off. At night, if there is an issue heavy on my heart and mind, there may be no way to fully stop it. If too tired, just forget full presence.
A good relationship, in general, outside of the bedroom is needed. If it’s not in a good place, I will not be fully present, ever. There will be a veil or wall, that certain parts of me will be behind.
Talking beforehand can be a help, getting any little thoughts or questions out that are cluttering my thinking.
A back rub, that can almost always bring my mind to a neutral or positive place. It helps me to focus on the pleasure of pain relief towards just pleasure.
Doing little things to keep concerns at bay, being freshly showered, making sure the door is locked, having white noise on, if needed, having proper protective or clean up materials in place, etc.
BUT, no matter how perfect everything can be, it takes major intentionality to stay focused and present. A random thought or question can pop up, at. any. time. It can’t be helped. But, I have a choice on how to handle it when it does happen.
I’ve never had a problem with this. I have often had problems being emotionally involved, and I am frequently unable to be present and aroused at the same time – it’s one or the other, but never problems with being present or trouble relaxing.