Today’s Question(s) of the Day for 11/26/2019

    When you are facing extreme negative stress, do you turn to masturbation or sex to calm you down?  If so, why?  If not, why not?

    On the floor Asked on November 26, 2019 in Question of the Day.
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    17 Answer(s)

      For me yes I very much desire sex  in times of high stress, however my husband is the opposite, times of stress for him decrease his desire, has has said that having sex helps with his stress level and he feels better after but often he can’t seem to muster the wherewithal to start.  Since 99% of the time times of extreme stress are shared that leaves us with something of a conundrum lol.  I’ve gotten better at accepting our differences, he has gotten better at recognizing sometimes he needs to go for it even if he isn’t feeling it, and its easier to see the humor in times of less stress but it is hard when we are in the middle of a stressful time.   I very rarely masturbate nothing against it, its just very un-satisfying to me compared to actual sex.  I know in the past dh has turned to masturbation (sometimes with porn) as a stress relief which was really painful for me to hear as I am/have been available and very willing, and I took it as a rejection of me.  Thankfully he has repented and recognized to a greater degree the harm it did/can do and has taken steps to keep himself accountable, including meeting with another guy from church to talk about it and covenant eyes software on his phone.

      On the floor Answered on November 26, 2019.
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        I turn to or initiate sex with DW. It is a source of comfort and relaxation for me. To be romantically, emotionally, and sexually connected to DW helps me refocus my life and realize what things are most important. I do not turn to mbing for that.

        Under the stars Answered on November 26, 2019.
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          Sex is my go to; it always releases stress for me and leaves me feeling more confident and able to face whatever comes next on the day following; there is a certain wholeness and sense of well-being that puts the big bad world outside in perspective; my job can generate a lot of stress, it places many demands on me, I am routinely asked to make decisions with consequential outcomes; not everyone is on board with the decisions I make; stress is in the mix as a norm (even though what I do professionally is also rewarding and fulfilling for me).   Navigating with Jesus is key, of course, but I believe he wired me for (and gave me) sex as a healthy stress-manager (among other things).   My wife does not find sex to be a stress-reliever so much, although if I can persuade her to dive in when stressful, she, too, finds peace and strength in it.  Routinely, though, stress diminishes her sexual appetite.  I would do whatever I could to minimize her stress in her day-to-day life, of course, for many reasons and because I care so deeply for her, but opening her to a sexual encounter is one more good reason to help her deal with stress in healthy ways so she can be free and/or run interference to protect her from it in the first place.

          Queen bed Answered on November 26, 2019.
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            If the key operative phrase is “facing extreme negative stress” the answer is ‘no’ to sex and masturbation. My energy and thinking is directed at dealing with the situation. OTOH, in less stressful situations – being apart from Mrs. Oldbear, facing a long, less than pleasant challenge, etc. – I’ll masturbate to relieve loneliness or to re-energize.

            On the floor Answered on November 27, 2019.
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              No. I can think of only one time in my life that sex was able to reduce stress. I know what my arousal brakes and accelerators are, and stress is definitely a brake. It has to be removed before I can be aroused. If my husband needs it, I will agree, but it will do nothing for me.

              I think that the hormones of stress combined with the hormones of sex become too much for my body to handle, and my brain protects me by shutting itself off to sex. If I am stressed and I know my husband ‘s going to want sex later, I will take steps to eliminate the stress first. Although I will admit that I need to get much better at taking the time to do that.

              On the floor Answered on November 26, 2019.
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                When I face extreme negative stress I tend to withdraw. I sit motionless while my brain runs around like a hamster wheel. To stop the wheel I escape through reading, TV, getting on the computer or sometimes just sleep. Sex is seldom on my mind at that point unless the book I escape with is a really steamy (not necessarily explicit) one, and then I will begin to crave sex with DH and my brain will settle on that and release some of the hamsters. If part of the stress is over-busy-ness or if DH is also stressed and sex has been back-burnered, I might turn to M if the book depicts well the banter and interplay that I love from DH, the way the characters are fascinated by each other–in short the sexual tension, more than the actual sex.  Then I might reach a point after he has gone to sleep that I want an O and rather than disturb him I will M.

                Just to be clear, I never fantasize about characters in books; on the contrary I tend to put myself so thoroughly in the shoes of the characters I have to be careful not to read things that will disturb me like horror, post-apocalyptic themes, first person thrillers, etc.

                Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on November 26, 2019.
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                  Neither of us turn to sex or masturbation in times of real stress. We wouldn’t even be thinking of it at that point. Minor stresses, we don’t necessarily turn to sex, but we still try and keep up with it.

                  Why? I guess because there are bigger things to think about and its hard to bring our minds into the right mood for sex.

                  On the floor Answered on November 26, 2019.
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                    Well, we turn to the Lord and then to each other in and during extreme stresses.  Turning to each other does involve a lot of sex.

                    On the floor Answered on November 26, 2019.
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                      Yes I have a tendency to do so. Earlier this year I was under a lot of stress and additional stress from marital trouble brought me to borderline depression. I was never under more stress in my life, and part of coping , i masturbated every day, sometimes more than once to fall asleep. Not how it should be, and I’m glad it’s in the past.

                      California King Answered on November 26, 2019.
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                        Yes and no. When in the thick of a stressful situation, especially when running on less sleep, it takes a lot more energy to get my desire going. Add to that the energy and focus on Wifey to get her going and sex can almost be a draining experience. The first morning after a good night’s sleep I am usually all revved up with nowhere to go and will MB to relieve the tension. I’m longing for comfort and attention in stressful situations and greatly desire Wifey to take the reins and pursue sex with me for me.

                        California King Answered on November 27, 2019.
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