Today’s Question(s) of the Day for 11/27/2019
I think for me, I am contented with sex with my DW more than enjoying it. Like ALL_IN, I would like to be at the point where Adam was with Eve where he “knew” his wife in a soul-connecting way. This may or may not happen…I’m open and available to change…I will not push to change my DW…that’s God’s business.
Since God has changed my attitude on this, I feel free because my true contentment is Him and if He allows the connection and/or sexual awakening this will be bonus points. 🙂
Not entirely yet. The connection is very important to me even if I don’t feel entirely satisfied. Although married for a very long time, I just recently told my husband I had never had an orgasm in his presence. We started having sex way to young, before marriage and were married very young. Inexperience and my lack of speaking up, basically kept our LM at a very basic level. Recent experience has been the best ever. We are trying to communicate more; he is understanding foreplay is something that needs to be implemented. We are learning and it is becoming better. I know the best is yet to come.
I was 26 when I got married; I had not experienced intercourse with anyone before; I can honestly say that I thoroughly enjoyed my first time on my wedding night with my wife. Sex has always been liberating and life-giving to me. There have been times, during our years of marriage, when I wanted more–and by that I mean, more connection and more adventure–with my wife. Not every encounter has the same intensity or the “wow, I’ll never forget that” stand-out quality that other encounters do, but it is always enjoyable, always a win, never a downer for me, never tiresome or routine. My wife may not always experience it in the same way; I know that. She loves me deeply (and I am so thankful for her love), as I am not always lovable); I know there are times when she is all in it for me, if not for herself so much, in the moment. In our first years of marriage, that was difficult for me to accept, not wanting to be receiving more than she was enjoying in return. But, she has helped me to become comfortable with the truth that she sometimes just wants to give this gift to me, knowing how much it feeds me, and I have been able to relax and enjoy the gift without shame or regret. My wife also knows I am much better at all of the rest of being a husband and a dad if I’m able to enjoy sex regularly; I suspect she is investing in the rest of our relationship by giving sex to me in this way, occasionally. Most of the time, though, she is also fully engaged and enjoying our sexual union, foreplay, afterglow, and everything else in bed. Just every now and then, she’ll be up front: “I’m not needing this tonight, but I want you to lay back and enjoy–it gives me pleasure to give you pleasure.” This is where I just close my eyes for a moment and say, “Thank you, God, for this woman, my wife. I am not worthy.” Full disclosure, though: I never get enough (in the sense I am always ready and hungry for more) and my wife has days when the gift is not on offer; there are days when I feel starved and can withdraw. My bad. I’m trying to learn how to better give her non-sexual gifts on those days that bring her life, too. It’s a journey–and a dance of balance. But to the essential question, how old was I when I began to REALLY enjoy sex? The answer is, from day one of my marriage, when I was 26.
This question is kind of fluid… I REALLY enjoyed it from the beginning (18/19), but then I hated it. I REALLY enjoyed it again starting around 38, but that has waned off and on. I am learning that it’s actually the quality of the relationship that has the strongest impact of enjoyment. Trust me, it was focusing solely on the physical pleasure that kept me going through some tough times, but that doesn’t mean I was really enjoying it. It’s only been a true delight and enjoyment when all is well and there’s no walls between my husband and I.
I enjoyed sex from the beginning – on our wedding night! That doesn’t mean we didn’t have any struggles then or later. But, it has always enjoyable.
It has been through increased experience and knowledge, that the level of enjoyment and meaningfulness of sexual intimacy has increased over the years.
Excellent question! It’s not a rhetorical nor does it get an obvious answer. Many TMBers are here because sex was not/is not really enjoyable. Thankfully, by God’s grace, encouragement, wisdom, insight, and healing sex can be enjoyed. TMB is a blessing, in this regard.
Sex for us really became enjoyable after we got rid of pre-marital, heavy petting guilt. Although we were virgins on our wedding night our sexual familiarity and the need to constantly pump our sexual brakes prior to marriage dampened the freedom and joy of sex in our first few years of marriage. It took Mrs. Youngbear a long time to willing give her breasts to me and enjoy the sexual pleasure of their touch. I remember her physically recoiling in our first months of marriage when I would cup them. After we were married, to let go and relish her sexual freedom with me was challenging.
Just this morning (before reading this QOTD) we cuddled and when she took my hand to cup her breast, I smiled remembering that 45 years ago her enjoyment would have dampened by lingering guilt. PTL!
I’ve also enjoyed sex since our wedding night, even if it didn’t all go like the book said. We had a few rough years in between, where the actual sex act was still good, but the intimacy and connection was missing. But, I guess it helped keep us together and make us a better couple!