Today’s Question(s) of the Day for 11/29/2019
I’ve been pretty aggravated a few times, but don’t think I’ve ever even considered cheating or leaving. Now, I will admit to having been much more likely to look at porn with reduced guilt when my DW was not showing any interest or enthusiasm in the bedroom. I now try to either speak with her about it or make it a point to turn my hurt over to God in prayer.
It happened…i failed the test and committed adultry over about 2.5 yrs with a woman we both knew. But I want to make it VERY clear, that it wasn’t a result of being mad at my wife or any other emotion due to her. it was ally sinful selfishness. There is nothing she could have. done differently. She is my trophy wife and I stepped out of our marriage purely because I was selfish.
I have never felt like getting divorced, even in the midst of the affair, and I still don’t, and pray I never will. I don’t care how angry, tired, or frustrated we get… not ever. She is all that matters in my earthly existence.
Pretty much every day. I’ve never acted on it and am not in a position to do so if I ever seriously considered the idea. And I have no trouble with NOT acting on it, so it ‘s not like I’m weakening to the point that I may do so one day. But does it cross my mind? Yeah, often.
I’ve never been tempted to cheat or leave. I made a promise to my wife and I intend to keep it. But I have sometimes, in my worst moments of unrequited libido and frustration, prayed for God to take me home now and spare me. He hasn’t, so I may still be of some use to Him where I am.
When was the last time the enemy tried to plant thoughts of cheating or leaving in my head? Thankfully this has not been a frequent temptation for me.
As best I can remember it was about 12 years ago that I remember him trying to do that. I resisted by praying, by thinking through how horrible the consequences of doing that would be, by refusing to dwell on that in my mind, by refusing to take any steps in that direction, by reminding myself how wrong that would be, etc.
I’ve been pretty angry more than a few times, in our marriage. I’ve never considered cheating, that I know of. (Besides, who would I cheat with?) However, it has crossed my mind once or twice, to just leave. More often though, when things aren’t going as well as they could, I think of going somewhere by myself for several days. I only realized that in the last year or so. Otherwise, I would never go somewhere for a few days without DH.
Last summer. My husband and I were stressed about a major life change, and we weren’t communicating effectively. There is a man of my acquaintance that I have a great deal in common with. We found ourselves in a situation where we were together for almost a whole day, and it turned my thoughts in the wrong direction.
Blessedly, I’ve known this might end up being an issue for a few years now. When I realized my thoughts had crossed that emotional line, I sought out a good Christian married friend of mine. She’d been through something similar, and so we prayed and worked out way through my issue. I remember her telling me that I had the advantage over the enemy because I knew it might happen. So he couldn’t just sneak up on me. That helped so much.
I purposely avoided this man for a couple of months even when we were in a group together. It wasn’t difficult, as I noticed he was doing the same to me – he’s God-honoring as well. That day must have lead him to do some soup searching. And I started doing a lot of work on opening communication between my husband and myself. It wasn’t easy, but it was well worth it.
It’s part of why I’m on this board. Our communication is better, but we still have work to do. The way I see it, the more we surround ourselves with the corporeal church (or digital, in this case), the more our marriages will be blessed.
To be honest, I never planned to start an emotional or physical affair. But then, very few people do plan for that. It just kind of sneaks up on you. Vigilance and self awareness is important.
I’ve never considered leaving him or having an affair. Even when we are at odds, he is too much a part of me to imagine hurting him that way or living without him.
That hasn’t stopped me from fantasizing about having the opportunity to cheat (someone being attracted to me) and gracefully and graciously turning it down. As much as I value that we are each others’ one an only sexually, and how sweet it is that I never kissed anyone else, sometimes I feel a little…naive? Sheltered? At a disadvantage, at least, because he actually did kiss one other girl before me. And then I sometimes wish some situation could arise where I could experience a kiss with someone else, but without blame (which is probably pretty much impossible!) just so we are…even? Then I realize how silly that is and thank God for the extreme grace with which he has blessed our marriage and I wouldn’t trade it for any other experience! I also remember how we have to be careful what we wish for and think it is likely that if I did have that opportunity, I could feasibly end up very miserable and wishing the situation had never come up.
For me, those were never truly an option, I run with a pretty high moral fiber. I have been plenty tired, plenty angry, and pleny frustrated in our first 23 years, and even if a desire to came for either, how I dealt with it was I never let it take root…always going back to the truth of the Word, as I saw it. But coming upon the two year mark, it was beyond some negative emotion….I actually felt very little emotion, and that was the dangerous part.
Here’s my experience, one Saturday as we were traveling I had a very overwhelming feeling of wanting to walk away. Having time to deeply explore this, I know that It actually became more of a matter of survival. I was to a point I felt I could no longer live like we were….I was dying/dead inside. I felt the only way for me to get away from expectations and truly rest from my “roles” (give, give, give, with zero to no return while under afflictions), was to remove myself.
This was so against who I am, what I stand for and my nature, it scared me. The following day, God gave a way of escape from that “temptation”, by providing a time and person for me to go seek prayer from, and I knew I must take it, even with all eyes on me. A man in minstry for over 50 years, who knows my husband and I personally, and was willing to speak simple truth to me and pray when I told him, and to have him and his wife take time that week we were in the area visiting, to meet with my husband and I. I reached out to friends and others, even TMB for prayer and support, although I don’t know if any truly grasped the dark place I was in.. That experience, the truth that I am not guaranteed to be forever by his side, was enough to truly frighten my husband and to wake him up out of the stupor he had been in for the prior two years. That marked things changing yet again….and we are still recovering, and from all I have heard, I will have to find a “new normal” because I will never go back to who I was.
That’s probably too deep for an answer on a TQOTD. 🙂