Too much masturbation?
First i might should mention that DH is diagnosed aspergers autism spectrum.
Question is: is my DH masturbating too much? He claims he has a low sex drive, but i know he masturbates pretty much every morning and if i go out somewhere while he stays at home, he usually does then too. He makes a point to try to have sex with me only 1 day a week, so this masturbation so much feels like a betrayal and just selfish. Before anybody says anything, he is aware that i would never refuse him if he wants to have sex and i an willing to do more than just PIV sex. I feel neglected that he’s not filling my needs, am i overreacting and being selfish myself?
First, let me say that I don’t understand Asperger’s well. So, I don’t know how that impacts his sexuality – individually and as a couple.
No, I don’t feel you are overreacting and bein selfish. And if he is into porn, you have reason to be concerned and he needs help.
Have you talked with him about his frequency of MB and how did it go?
To what level does he understand that you feel neglected and that your needs aren’t being met?
How does he respond when initiate? Or when you offer something besides PIV sex?
I have no problem with solo masturbation in marriage at all, BUT I do think it’s totally wrong for him to be masturbating daily and not having sex with you if you are wanting it. Here is an example. I am very high drive, so I masturbate daily but only to the point of being close to orgasm, because I prefer to save that for my wife when we have sex at night. Also, to be frank, I want to be as long and hard as possible for her when we have sex, and if I were to masturbate to orgasm once or more per day, that would probably not be the case. Does that help?
I have found porn use a few times, but not in a long time, unless he’s gotten really good at hiding it. Part of the issue is that he doesn’t see masturbation as part of his sex drive. Sex drive to him is PIV with me. He says he’s been doing that even before he knew what sex was. He said when we first got married he’d try to not to too much, but when i would get upset about lack of sex, he’d tell me that i should take care of myself and wait until he initiates. Last time i tried to initiate, he said he just couldn’t. I offered other stuff (like foreplay, hand stuff, set the mood), he told me to leave him alone, that he doesn’t want that kind of marriage, and he was thinking about getting an apartment. Then a couple of days later, he initiated and asked me what i meant. Never does though. He takes most conversations as i’m attacking him or criticizing.
I’d understand if he did while i was on my period or wasn’t available, but he’s got his nose in the computer in the evening when he gets home from work and waiting for the minute i leave to go somewhere to go hide in the bedroom. Doesn’t give me a chance. We went on vacation for our 5th anniversary and he was able to have sex with me every other day, but at home can’t seem to hardly 1 time a week… actually currently it’s been almost 3 weeks with nothing.
If he has Asperger’s then he probably doesn’t understand the emotional effect of his actions on you. However, if he’s unable to satisfy you sexually and it’s putting a strain on your relationship, then he’s masturbating too much. It’s a problem and you need to explain to him why and how he needs to address it .