“Train Your Body to Become More Responsive During Sex”
I saw a link to this and thought it was very interesting and that it may be a good resource for some.
Any thoughts on it?
The article reiterates some great points, practice often…try different things….expand flexibility…use/train your mind. Ultimately, all of these things mean giving time and effort to the activity and relationship. Sadly, many women AND men, refuse to honor God and their spouse in the marriage bed and/or they come to the marriage bed with an O as the end game rather than emotional, physical AND spiritual connection. Sex is fun and DW and I use it for connection AND recreation. Taking time as the article suggests should be a fun activity & event couples should regularly do to get out of a rut…to experience new things…to discover new ways of relating and expression as our mind and bodies change over time.
Final thought: I’m just still trying to train my brain and body to slow down :LOL , ’cause there is one thing I do right now to my wife that we’ve started enjoying that just sets me on fire when she’s also stimulating me at the same time. 😀
@Brynna’s comment about an “open mind and willingness” made me think of how easy it is to find a way that works, and then how easy it is to make an assumption that other ways “just aren’t me”. Having multiples is what comes to my mind immediately for myself.
We also have to get past those mental blocks, like not being willing to touch ourselves, or to take some charge and making the sexual exploring about us (the wife) so we can learn to become more responsive, rather than taking the more comfortable route of depending on our husbands to take the full lead…there’s only so much he can do.
Excellent article and advice. There are very good advice and ideas on this Christian blogger’s site.
One of the benefits of years of marriage and aging is the natural slowing pace of sexual intimacy in terms of touch, closeness, response, etc. We’ve found that both of us are enjoying the delight of tuning into each other’s response and even finding new erogenous areas that spark us. The goal is not an orgasm; the goal is enjoying each other’s and our own sexual delight.
“Did you have to overcome that taboo, that good Christians don’t do that and if so, how were you able to change so that it’s okay to explore?”
I did not have to overcome that taboo, I had to overcome the guilt of doing it. I almost said that I had to overcome doing it in front of my husband, and then I realized that wasn’t really true. I have always been able to reach my hand down there and stimulate myself (before the bullet vibe) when PIV wasn’t doing it on it’s own.
The study Passion Pursuit is a great study to help women work through these kind of things (the videos are almost a must, IMO.) It helps women to see what God says about sex and that He blesses it within marriage, and it walks through what is okay and not, and how to help one determine if it’s something they should personally do.
Time seems to be an issue for us as well. There’s lots of things we say we should practice, but then schedules interfere/interrupt any plans. For the past 2+ years my wife’s position in healthcare have created some real challenges and with the current corona virus issue has created additional challenges. She comes home exhausted and ready to crash to get up and do it again the next day. Patience and much support for her on my part and prayer for her during this stressful time are important to maintain a good relationship along with not being demanding. We connect when we can.
Thanks SC for your comments. I would like my wife to get to that point of self exploration to help guide me better. I think she has the mindset that it’s dirty. She tends to stick with the tried and true as you said “this works for me” so nothing else is going to work. Did you have to overcome that taboo, that good Christians don’t do that and if so, how were you able to change so that it’s okay to explore?
Thought the article was good as well. Any merit to the classes for husbands and wives?
I, too, liked the article.
However, it is not clear to me how to execute much of this in a practical way. Several things are required:
- A desire from both spouses
- Being okay with “failed” sessions, likely frequently
- Lots of time
- Willingness to try very new things that may be uncomfortable at first
- For pre-menopausal women, trying the same things but in several different times of her cycle
That’s a lot to overcome. For us, the main problem would be lack of time (four single-digit-aged kids, gahhh!) On top of that, I struggle with dealing with “failed” sessions, and Zelda typically moves quite slowly with new things and doesn’t have the drive/desire to do it frequently. In the one time of her cycle that she has that drive, she accepts pleasure quite readily but really struggles to O, which is really confusing and makes “results” hard to interpret.
So I’ll keep this in mind, but I’m not quite sure where to go with it.