Under 40 on Viagra. More harm than good?

    So I’m just under 40 and I’ve noticed things have been…different. 
    I’ve had a few times where I wanted A, B, and C while my wife just wanted A. I’m always respectful and try not to push because that just makes everything worse.

    Still, being told “no”, “stop”, or “I don’t want that now” just sorta kills the excitement for me. I try to not let it, but it does. It’s fine what she’s communicating and the fact she’s communicating is good. Unfortunately I get a lot of “no” and desperate for “do this instead”. This leaves me having to figure it out on the fly and completely blind. This creates an anxiety loop and kills my erection dead. It’s not an every time problem but it’s happened a lot. 
    I’m usually good if it’s a 5 minute morning quickie, or a 15 minute late night kissing then sex session. 
    When it’s not those though it’s a problem. 
    I love to give oral sex. I can do it for an hour. I love massage and body exploration. I just love to enjoy my wife for long periods of time. But my penis is treating this like a “cry wolf” situation and no matter what she does or I do I cannot get farther than “long but soft”. 

    So I tell my psychiatrist about this and she says it’s probably psychological but having Viagra might just sort of get me over the hump (no pun intended). Indeed it DID!

    She could look at it up he goes. Bigger, longer, harder than even my teen years. I can go from OS to PIV back to OS, different positions, speed, anything. But no matter how awesome it was I still tried to use common sense and save it for sessions I knew would be extended. 
    But last night the wife and I were going for mid-tier, but it never got hard until I just sat there and stroked it up to being useable. But even then I was working with about 75%. 
    Wife thinks I should stop Viagra altogether because I’m getting dependent on it. 
    Anyone have any experience with this?

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    7 Answer(s)

      I’m certainly no expert in this area, and for reference a couple years younger than you. At this age, I think it’s not at all uncommon to “need a hand” to reach full power at the start. It’s frustrating because I can “accidentally” get a full erection during the middle of the day doing random things (like driving) by simply thinking about the previous night’s activities or imagining the next night’s session (I’ve considered even bringing up that topic here). I can also wake up with them in the middle of the night. It is so irritating that having a hot, naked, and willing wife in front of me doesn’t turn me into a pipe sometimes.

      I’ve had to go through my own struggles in this arena. For those that know/remember what we need to do in order to get my DW to O during PIV+vibe, it can be some rather demanding sessions where I have to maintain a serious erection for up to 40 minutes, and a few times even more, but without hitting PONR (and preferably avoiding even getting that close). I’m still putting all the pieces together on how to do that, but here are some things I’ve observed that might be helpful:

      • Significant “reset” time between sessions is important. At least a day, preferably 2. 3+ can sometimes turn me into a sex king. 🙂 Required reset time depends on several things, including the quality/type of previous session as well as the time from the session even before that one. For instance, I come back from a HJ faster than a marvelous PIV session. Also, I can do back-to-back days after a 4-5 day break relatively easily.
      • Absolutely critical is to be porn free and preferably masturbation free too. If my only source of physical sexual pleasure is my wife, or even better my wife’s vagina (not even her hand), my penis performs better for a marathon session.
      • Do not underestimate the emotional/spiritual connection with the DW. If our relationship is awesome at the time, I perform way better.
      • Likewise, do not underestimate the importance of non-penis (or maybe even non-physical) intimacy leading up to the physical encounter. I’m hoping to write a post about it sometime, but we recently did something new outside of the bedroom that was really intimate (but not directly sexual). I was generating significant amounts of pre-seminal fluid prior to the engagement and once going, I performed incredibly well…so much better that I misplayed the situation and ended up hitting the PONR accidentally about 20 min in (and just a mite too early!)
      • A huge component of this is mental! This can’t be overstated! As soon as I start to worry about “his” performance, the performance drops. Unfortunately, if I focus 100% on her pleasure I can lose performance too, so I do have so have some “selfish” thoughts in there (which gets her more pleasure in the end anyway).
      • Like mentioned earlier, a little “helping hand” doesn’t hurt. I prefer her hand at the start. No option but to use mine if he needs a “boost” after a long time into the session. While I worry the DW will think less of me or be worried that she’s “not enough”, it’s not come to that at all.
      • Thinking naughty/sexy thoughts/fantasies or about a visual you currently don’t have for a boost can help. For instance, thinking about her breasts when you can’t see them during rear entry. Likewise, thinking about her butt when you can’t see it in e.g. missionary. One thing I like to focus on is the fact that no one else gets to do/see this with her (I know the history you’ve mentioned here before, but this is still valid for you since marriage, which is nearly 2 decades). Simply put, monogamy has some serious sexiness (I may do a post on this sometime too).
      • Dirty talk always gives my penis a boost. 🙂
      • Almost forgot–kissing works wonders for powering up my penis. Tongue/tongue action for the win!

      Finally, I haven’t tried it, but something you might consider trying is the ring mentioned by PaulB in this link:

      Put A Ring On It | TGH

      I figure this is the route I may eventually take as I get older, as both DW and I prefer to be a drug-free as possible.

      Good luck with this, you’ll get it figured out!

      -Scott

      Edit: Added the last bullet point.

      Under the stars Answered on April 23, 2020.

      Upon re-reading your question, I realize that some of this may not apply since you are talking about actions where you are not receiving any physical stimulation. Thus, go ahead and ignore any bullets that aren’t applicable.

      However, I think it’s unreasonable to expect your penis to stay rock solid for an hour of little/no physical stimulation (if you were doing OS that long). I was not fully erect even in my early 20’s when giving DW OS for those kinds of times.

      -Scott

      on April 23, 2020.

      For sure. I wouldn’t expect it to stay hard during long OSOW sessions. It’s just that at the beginning it’s erect, then goes down during, but then when it’s time to get to PIV it won’t go up again.

      on April 24, 2020.
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        Many if not most males start having a more difficult time keeping a hard erection without physical stimulation around age 40 and nearly all need physical stimulation by age 50.  Not sure I agree with Dale above, I have never read where Viagra loses it effectiveness over time. I know there are a lot of men that have used it for many years now. Just take as low of dose possible, 20 mg can work for some guys.

         

        On the floor Answered on April 24, 2020.
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          I’ve been using Viagra since before I was 40. (I’m 43 now.) I’m not overweight. (I’d like to lose a little weight, but I’m not too overweight). I also am in good cardiovascular health. I also can have pretty intense erections naturally just as I’m falling asleep or waking up. But I’ve had ED throughout my marriage, and Viagra has allowed me to have a good sex life in spite of that. I understand not wanting to be dependent on it, but I also hope that no one feels shame over using it. I myself don’t.

          Queen bed Answered on April 25, 2020.
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            You suggest that you were using viagra some of the time not all of the time, so presumably getting an erection wasn’t a problem on the occasions you weren’t using it. You seem to report one session where you had difficulty getting an erection (but were able to with manual stimulation).

            That’s not really enough to go on, but if your wife thinks you should stop taking viagra because she’s worried that you’re getting dependent upon it, then it might be wise to do so. It sounds like there probably isn’t a physiological problem, and that this is a one off.

            On the floor Answered on April 23, 2020.
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              Viagra and other ED drugs have been known to lose their effectiveness with regular use.  It’s not that way for every guy, but it happens often enough that it’s mentioned in the medical literature.

              For me, after using it and Cialis for a while, it did begin to lose its “punch.”  I also did not like the side effects that came with it.  So, I talked to my doctor and got switched to an injectable medicine.  I wasn’t sure about it at first, since injecting medicine into your penis does not sound like a pleasant experience, but I have been very happy with the results!  I’ve been on injection medicine for about four years now, and it works every time!  It’s not cheap, but I get a vial at a compounding pharmacy that costs about $150 for a three-month supply.  Might be worth looking into for you.

              Fell out of ... Answered on April 23, 2020.
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                Cot Answered on April 25, 2020.
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                  I had issues for awhile maintaining a decent election due to medication i was on and stress from work. Doctor told me to start with half a tablet of Viagra to start. It worked and I had no problems or side effects from taking it.

                  Double bed Answered on October 24, 2020.
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