Vaginismus Success Story
I wanted to share here because, after 5 years of marriage, my husband and I finally “beat” vaginismus and had PIV sex for the very first time—but, because nobody knows we had this issue, I can’t tell anyone about it. It feels like I just climbed Everest—I conquered a massive neurosis. It’s a huge personal victory for me. I have tears in my eyes just saying it. It’s huge step for me—not just in this area of my life. I honestly feel like if I can conquer vaginismus, I can do anything. 😂 That’s how big it was in my mind! I mean, you can probably see that, considering it took me 5 years.
Please celebrate God’s goodness with me! I have been so broken sexually for all of my life, and so messed up mentally, so much so that I literally physically could not have sex with a husband whom I love—but He was gracious to heal me mentally and physically. I’d like to write more about the whole process, but I have a feeling it’s going to be long, so if you’re not up for at least a few more paragraphs, I totally give you permission to skip it and just celebrate with me in the comments. 😬
Here’s how it went:
Around our 5 year anniversary, I sucked it up and finally braved the OBGYN. It was a really difficult visit. I had really hoped she didn’t want to examine me, but oddly enough, I’m so glad she did! She had me do some kegel exercises right before she examined me. She assured me that after a thorough examination, nothing was physically wrong with me, which I needed to hear. She also pushed me further than any other doctor had pushed me, but also gave me strategies for calming myself while she was examining me. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, but honestly, it was not as painful as I had originally thought it would be. It didn’t kill me.
It still took me 3 months to start the Vaginismus.com program that she recommended, though. 🙂 It was a huge mental hurdle. Reading the book helped SO MUCH. I highly recommend it. It really works. I discovered that there were multiple reasons for my vaginismus diagnosis. The foremost was an accident I had at 8 years old, which resulted in a perineal (sp?) tear. Second was chronic kidney infections at a very young age, which required yearly check-ups involving painful urinary catheter insertions. And third was overall messaging about sex: I gleaned from friends, novels, and stories that sex was painful for the first few times. I am sure the guilt I’ve dealt with about premarital fooling around didn’t help, either. Between all these factors, I’d associated sex with pain, so no wonder my body was expecting it!
What is amazing to me is the power the mind has over the body. I could have sworn that I had no vagina at all—trying to have sex didn’t necessarily hurt, because it went nowhere. It literally felt like hitting a brick wall for both me and him!
So, imagine my shock when, after dealing with all of this mental baggage, I proceeded through the first three dilators with no pain all in one day. Then I conquered the final two dilators in the next week. All told, I dilated for only about 10 days before trying to have sex. 🤯
If only I’d known that before getting married! That said, while I do wish it hadn’t taken 5 years, I do know that my mental state when starting the program was right where it needed to be. That is due, in large part, due to my growing relationship and trust in God, and also due to my husband. He is so kind and patient. He absolutely has reflected Christ’s love and stability to me throughout this entire process. I couldn’t have done it without him—not just for the obvious reasons! 😉
Anyway, thank you for listening, if you’ve made it all the way to the end. I know it’s ridiculously long. Maybe part of it is that I just needed to write it all out for myself, because it feels therapeutic to have done it.
I am so excited with you! I know this is a HUGE victory!!!! I am so glad that you shared because you can give the next wife or husband the hope of that they can work through this as well!
May you always cherish the times that you and your husband becone one flesh. May you always remember the gift it is, even when life gets hard and wears you out