Vasectomy doctor choice?
We have two daughters, I think that’s enough and my wife has told me on several occasions that she is happy with two. I’m getting tired of dealing with our mix of condoms and calendar and hoping that no mistakes happen, and am pushing for a vasectomy.
A friend suggested getting the appointment before bringing it up again to minimize the risk of another “punt” (wife has been saying “oh, well, let’s think about it and talk in ___ months”).
Now here’s my question: My doctor doesn’t do them, but another family doctor (who I haven’t met yet) in the practice does. That’s close and convenient, but what is the thought on family practice docs vs urologists for vasectomies? Or should I just go in for the pre-vasectomy appointment and see what I think and what he thinks (there is something going on on one side that causes me a little pain, don’t think that it will be an issue though).
TL;DR – What is the opinion of people here on family practice doctor vs sticking with a urologist for vasectomy?
1. I agree with the others. You both need to be on board with this.
2. As the daughter of a surgeon, I can say that any time someone is going to be cutting into you, you want a specialist who does the procedure so often that it’s routine. GP’s are fantastic for many things, but they simply don’t have the level of expertise you get with a specialist. I watched my husband’s vasectomy, and I can say that it isn’t the simple procedure everyone makes it out to be. You want someone who knows exactly what he’s doing.
I agree with SeekingChange. You and your wife need to be in full agreement on this choice. It will be damaging to your marriage if you just go ahead and do it without talking to her about it. I suggest the two of you take some time to pray about it and come to a place of agreement.
That being said, if the two of you end up making a decision towards getting a vasectomy, I would highly recommend getting a urologist to do it over a family practice doctor. Urologists do thousands of these procedures, while GPs do very few in comparison, though they can. You really want a doc who is set up and practiced in the procedure. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions about this, as I have gone through it and can give advice.
I totally support what SC and George said.
DH and I were in agreement, as any more pregnancies likely would have been high risk and we have a nice sized family. But, it was still difficult for me, knowing there would likely be no more babies. It would have been far worse if DH had gone and had a vasectomy done, without being in complete agreement. I am sure our mariage would have taken a real hit.
It really sounds like you guys have issues that won’t be resolved by a vasectomy, though not worrying about getting pregnant again may help a bit. Is she open to discussing your marriage and sex life? How is your marriage otherwise? Do you guys connect in other ways? If there is general trust and intimacy built up between you, then you should be able to have this discussion, even if it’s a bit uncomfortable. Are you both Christians? Do you pray together or separately? I ask because of the way that prayer and shared faith also fosters intimacy and trust in a couple. I’m really sorry to hear about the struggles you’re having and would love to believe with you and help you walk towards better days ahead for your marriage.
I don’t know what to do, there is so much good about our relationship but this one piece is eating at me and starting to poison things. I’ll get her to open up a bit or try something and then she’ll close back down and go back to “business as usual, don’t talk about it.” Conversations seem to be stopped as soon as possible, and it just seems like the sex part isn’t really important to her much of the time, almost a “get it over with” thing, then some times she’ll initiate and seem to have a wonderful time. Then when I try to figure out what the problem is and solve it it doesn’t seem to be received well.
@MisterV, how about using this opportunity to talk to your wife about how you feel? If she’s not ready to make a permanent decision, then share how you feel it is negatively affecting your guys’ marriage, your intimacy, and you personally. Ask her, if she’s not wanting to take this step, that you believe would help fix this issue, what are things you two can do to work on this together? God created our differences, they aren’t a result of the fall, that means there is a glorious purpose for them. Use these differences to draw you together rather that wedge you apart.
Our marriage is already taking a hit based on the fact that she appears to not consider our sex life to be worth any investment, even when that investment is just her saying “yes”
I take her into the doctor with me so the doctor can explain that it is safe and effective and she can get her questions answered, she asks no questions and says “ok” and “yeah, I think we’re done” … then when I talk about scheduling it’s “oh, let’s wait for your vacation week in the summer” then “let’s wait for August so my hand can heal” (legitimate one there), then “let’s wait and talk again in 4 months” with no reason given. I tried to get into an experimental study on male hormonal birth control but didn’t qualify, and it didn’t seem to bother her at all. I’m tired of only having sex 1-2 times per month and then having to worry that something might have happened. I’m about ready to tell her that we’re just not going to make love any more until we have something effective in place, though I’m a bit worried that she might just say “fine.” I guess in that case I won’t have to wonder anymore. I guess the next time one of our interfering friends makes some “you should have more kids” comment I can just draw myself up and tell them that we are not going to have more children because I do not wish to have a teenager when I’m 60, but beyond that I’m not sure what to do.