Watching other couples

    Not sure where this fits, but I have this fascination with what other married couples sex life is like.   I see couples together and often one of the first thoughts  I get is I wonder what their marriage bed is like and then sometimes I go as far as wanting to watch them make love.  It is hard to explain, but it isn’t like in a pornographic way, but really just curiosity to watch how other married couples celebrate and show their love for each other.    Am I alone on this one?  I often think I am sick for having these feelings?

    This is a topic we have discussed many times.  DH wonders what other cpls wear for lingerie, what toys they like, how do they tease or edge each other, what positions they enjoy and do they appreciate mutual masterbation or not. He would love to watch another cpl tease and please each other, as well as have another cpl watch us (but no couple interaction physically).  DW wonders about how much fore play other cpls have, and how long other hubs last and if other wives have difficulty orgasming from PIV.  But DW would not want to watch another cpl or be watched.

    on August 20, 2019.
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      I have the same curiosity, I often wonder “What does [that couple] look like having sex?” How do they each behave and respond?

      I guess I have one advantage in that I am not one who does very good at visualizing something that I have not seen, that goes for renovating a house, to a random couple having sex. But it doesn’t keep me from being curious.

      If we want to talk about tendencies, I would be more voyeristic, while my husband is more of an exhibitionist. If I came upon a couple having public sex, I would likely have a hard time not sneaking peeks.

      Under the stars Answered on August 20, 2019.
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        I don’t think you’re sick for those feelings. Isn’t that why there are the discussions found here? Isn’t there an underlying curiosity here about what others do in their marriage beds? It’s one of the reasons that I come here.

        Fell out of ... Answered on August 20, 2019.
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          A valid question. I, personally, don’t like to think about what other couples are doing. Or maybe rather people that I am acquainted with. I would be mortified if someone saw us and if we happened to see someone, we would quietly leave. I would be happy for them, but in my case, it certainly wouldn’t turn me on.

          I also think one would want to be careful that it didn’t become a lifestyle, imagining what others were doing. I had one acquaintance that did such and eventually we as females felt like he undressed us with his eyes, and we hated being around him. It became very obvious to people. And its not a good feeling to have that kind of eyes upon you!

          Its also good to remember that you can’t stop a bird from flying over, but you can prevent it from building a nest in your hair.

          California King Answered on August 20, 2019.
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            I do share this curiosity about other couples, but I’ll add a point. All the answers here seem to imply we are thinking about couples similar to ourselves. Ever since I first learned about sex I have looked at, for example, the little old couples in my church who just don’t project any sexuality at all anymore and I would realize, “Oh my gosh! They have four kids! They had sex at least four times!” For some reason, there is one particular little old couple at church that it just tickles me to ponder the idea of them having sex so I occasionally try (unsuccessfully) to picture it. (Disclaimer: reaching a certain age doesn’t make one a “little old person”; personality does. So no offense intended to our older members!)

            It’s also useful when I meet someone who is entirely too pompous for his own good to imagine him sweating and squealing away in a completely undignified manner. (Nice people I always assume look elegant and sensual doing it; it’s only truly irritating people who I believe look ridiculous having sex. It’s probably wrong of me, but it makes it easier to put up with them.)

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on August 20, 2019.
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              I am interested in what other couples are doing in TMB.  I listen for new ideas and what works for them, cause I’m trying to be a better lover for my DW.  I never learned much in the courtship/seduction game, and it’s lacking in our relationship.  She has given me lotsa clues/hints/outright suggestions she would like more of this, and I want to do my best to step up and provide it.   I think one can teach an old dog new tricks.

              She has said she has no interest in what other couples are doing in TMB, only what we are doing.

              I have struggled with pornography, so I do not wish to watch another couple. Not that I don’t have those voyeuristic tendencies, but it would be sinful for me.

              Yes, occasionally when I encounter another couple we know, my thoughts go to what their MB may be like, but I try to steer my thoughts away from those visuals.

              A thought I do have that makes me smile is when I see a really senior couple ( in their 80s’ or 90s’, for example) walking hand in hand, I think ” Ok, they may be moving slowly now, but I’ll bet they rocked the house in their MB in the day .”  Maybe it will be said about us, if we make it that long.

              If I came upon another couple in public in sexual activity and my presence was not known to them , I know I would want to watch, but I hope I would be able to go about my business and turn away, cause it would be sinful to watch and because I for darn sure wouldn’t want anyone watching me !

              I do observe how other men treat their wives in public ( does he open doors, let her walk first, give her his attention when they are at the table in the restaurant, or is he eyeballing other women, etc.), so I can double check my own behavior against theirs and guard against making those kind of mistakes.

               

               

               

               

              Queen bed Answered on August 21, 2019.
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                I think that this is a slippery slope. I’m not trying to judge what it is you might feel as joy when seeing others share in Godly love, but I would question–how do you know what you’re seeing in a random couple’s behavior is Godly and the result of true devotion and “one-ness”?  How does what you imagine effect you and your physical response? As someone whose spouse suffered under a pornography addiction before marriage, and he almost fell into it after we were married… all I can say is it starts by letting your guard down because you think you’re spiritually mature enough. Tread carefully.

                Additionally, ask yourself—what specifically in their behavior draws you to imagine their bedroom experience? Is there an issue or lack in your own relationship or bed that has you looking to what you think others do when they’re “in love”?  I don’t know that there is, but maybe you should examine that.

                King bed Answered on August 20, 2019.

                That’s really the issue… not sure why I have these thoughts. I try to pray through them and get past them and at times I do,, but seems to always come back. As to our own marriage bed, things are good. I am higher drive, but my wife’s drive has grown as we have gotten older and our marriage bed is very good. I suppose I would like a bit more adventure and perhaps subconsciously that is the reason.

                on August 20, 2019.
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                  I have to admit I love the idea of watching another couple have sex. Not sure where that stems from.

                  Queen bed Answered on August 27, 2019.
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                    I think I’m as curious as the next person. But I’m cautious too. I need to be. I think it is one thing to wonder if a couple is doing well or not. Even in their marriage bed. But it is quite another, to dwell on how they actually do the deed! At least that’s my view on it. Others may see it differently.

                    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on August 20, 2019.
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                      i don’t “actively” imagine any couples sex life that i know but to be completely honest, if i were to stumble upon a couple in the woods let’s say…ummm…i would be a voyeur and it would turn me on.  i don’t think that is sick but it may not be right.

                      Hammock Answered on August 20, 2019.

                      Thanks… certainly I am turned on by it, but not in anyway that I would want to participate. What about being watched? Would the thought of you and your DH being stumbled upon on the woods and turning on someone else be satisfying? Or would you be embarrassed?

                      on August 20, 2019.

                      I obviously feel guilty about this, but don’t know how to change it.

                      on August 20, 2019.

                      No i wouldn’t want anyone watching me. Maybe occasionally i have fantasized about it during ML with my H but i would never do it in person, also any thought of joining another couple is a complete sin so i don’t even go there in my mind.  i don’t think you need to feel guilty but i also think maybe you should file it as a fantasy and not pursue it

                      on August 20, 2019.

                      Never any desire to join in, but fantasy is to watch or be watched. And I have never pursued it. Is the fantasy itself a sin?

                      on August 21, 2019.

                      I don’t think the fantasy itself is sin. I think it depends on what you do with it. DH has a fantasy that to fulfill would absolutely be sin, so we obviously will never fulfill it. What does he do with it? He uses it to turn himself on for our encounters. We talk and tease each other about it during LM and other times to turn each other on. It’s a way of experiencing that flirtation with the unknown that we had when we first met. Does he always think about it? No. That would be to make it an obsession, a stumbling block. I guess you could say he only indulges in thinking about it when doing so enhances our experiences, thus sanctifying (??can I claim that??) it.

                      on August 21, 2019.

                      Duchess, thanks. Is the fantasy you speak of your husband having, Similar or the same? Would love to hear more about he contains it to your experiences, as I struggle with borderline obsession on mine and would love ideas in how to curb it.

                      on August 21, 2019.

                      Sorry–just found your question. His fantasy is not the same. I guess you could say it is more obviously sin. I believe that could be why it is easier for him to contain it to thinking about only when our LM is imminent, whether it’s by himself just before we come together or the two of us together being flirtatious.

                      Maybe every time it occurs to you to think of others’ marriage beds, imagine discussing all your thoughts with your wife as you peek together around a corner. Try to incorporate her, either mentally or physically in every aspect of your fantasizing so that it is always something that blesses your marriage bed together.

                      I asked DH if he would PM you with some suggestions of his own, but his response was along the lines of, “I don’t know, I just do it.” So, not much help.

                      on August 27, 2019.
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                        There was a great series that was sold awhile back called Better Sex videos that showed couples in different settings, in a somewhat instructional format. It was very helpful to learn how things are done with other couples and get tips and pointers.  My wife watched them together with me and we learned a few new things. Nothing wrong with that if it is done for the right reasons.

                        Twin bed Answered on August 20, 2019.
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