Wednesday, February 12, 2020 – Today’s Question(s) of the Day
I thought I would add this here: “Envy vs. Jealousy. The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy is the emotion of coveting what someone else has, while jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else.”
I’ve never considered myself to be a jealous person, but I did have a season of jealousy last spring. We were planning our 20 year high school reunion and my wife started chatting online quite a bit with the only other guy that she’d had a semi-serious relationship with (two years in high school). I didn’t handle it very well when I discovered she was hiding the extent of the conversations from me. It made for a rough patch for us as we grappled with boundaries and other issues, but in the end we came out of it with a stronger marriage and I learned some things about myself.
I don’t want to come across as self-righteous. But, I’m not aware of a struggle with jealousy. Other things, yes! I recognize that all we have comes from God. So, I’m blessed and so are others. I don’t want to argue with what God does or decides. I’m quite settled with how things are.
I’ve also seen the meaning of envy that one would wish that the other person does not have whatever it is they have.
Here is a page that google turned up that talks about defining Envy and also Envy vs. Jealousy.
Something about envy in my thought (and my personal definition may be off) is that it really breaks the love others as yourself commandment. I think part of it is that you want whatever the other person has, but also that you don’t want them to have it at the same time. It isn’t wrong for me to want something like what someone has for example, but it would be wrong for me to covet (want to wrongly take) what they have. It would certainly be wrong for me to wish them not to have some good thing the Lord has blessed them with.
I find it interesting that the bible says God is a jealous God when it comes to the worship of His people. This shows that one can be righteously jealous.
I think there is a righteous amount of jealousy and then there can also be a crazy insecure type of jealousy that some people have. You see it with husbands that go crazy trying to watch and monitor their wife’s every move when their wife has never given them any reason to distrust them for example. Or wives that lose it when any woman talks to their husband. Those would both be examples of what I would call crazy jealousy and it can turn real ugly.
So, perhaps there is the intent behind jealousy that makes it right or wrong? A quick search of scripture shows it used both positively and negatively.
I am the jealous type with time and effort.
I would often become irritated at my DW using any travel time we had in the car to use as an opportunity to call friends and family. There was not that much time together and in the car was good talking time and it was always used for others. I felt at times like pulling over letting her drive and calling a client. In the end, I held my tongue for years and she eventually grew out of it, mostly.
@Slipthegrasp–I’m the same way…but for us, it’s when strangers on social media get time dedicated to them instead of us getting that time together after we’ve both been apart at work for an entire day. It really upsets me that people we don’t know receive attention when I’m sitting next to DW ready to spend meaningful time with her.
We have discussed it and things have improved, but if we’re not careful, her cell phone will magically appear back in her hands in no time!
I have some jealousy. That one kiss my DH had before me (while he was my first) is always going to be a pebble in my shoe. I’m not entirely sure whether I am jealous of the girl for getting my DH’s first (probably that) or of him for having that tiny bit of “past experience” (could just as easily be that). For years I hated being around tween and young teen girls because for some reason they all just adore and are drawn to my DH. When we were younger I was certain one particular girl had a crush on him and I hated that it seemed like he encouraged (or at least didn’t discourage) the attention. He, of course, didn’t see anything out of the ordinary about it and pooh-poohed my requests to make it absolutely clear he wanted me and no other. (He certainly wasn’t behaving badly toward the girls; his feelings were purely avuncular, and as the age gap widens, fatherly.)
I have actually wished he would be a little jealous over me. Not in an insecure way, just in an aware-that-other-men-may-want-to-take-me-away-and-determined-to-let-them-know-to-BACK-OFF way. I like the possessive protective attitude. But either he is just not built to feel that very much, or I’m not built to inspire it. Probably both.
Jealous of certain things yes. If my dh spends a lot of time focusing on a project (either for work or for fun) I start to feel jealous of the time spent away from me and our family (one of my love languages is quality time so that might play into it). I also( totally without reason he’s never given me a reason to doubt his loyalty or fidelity) can feel jealous or maybe not jealous but worried that he will find someone else more attractive (either phsyically or personality wise) than I am. That’s totally my own insecurity but its true.
No, not that type, even if there are rare times I might face it in life. In my marriage, I have never doubted his commitment to me. I can feel threatened or rejected by him choosing other things, but I don’t feel as though I am jealous.