Well i finally told my husband my sexual fantasy
And it was very freeing and he was very receptive to it, mainly because (and this was a shock to me but most men would probably nod in agreement) he said he loved seeing me “turned on”. And that was important to him to see me really sexually turned on and excited, not so much the fantasy or the sexual turn on which he finds a little weird but harmless. I don’t know if i want to divulge what it is for fear of judgement or my TMB family thinking i’m strange. I don’t think it is sinful but it very well could be and i have to guard myself although i completely trust my husband. (this isn’t talking about fantasies of ANYONE ELSE or something sinful like that).
Because of my sexual awakening our marriage bed is more exciting than it has ever been, it has always been very vanilla for whatever reason, probably because we didn’t know any better (toys, etc.) and so far my husband is liking all of it (i am trying to get him to wrap his mind around an anal plug specifically for prostate massage plus i want him to really enjoy his orgasm..what wife wouldn’t?). I told him tonight there are only 2 things that are a turn-off to me with a husband. One is selfishness in TMB which he NEVER has been and another is prudishness and he agreed. 🙂
Good for you! and him!
I know that sharing can be scary. My deepest and darkest fantasies were almost forced out of me. I see the good from it, and there was an intimacy created from it, but there was a reason I wasn’t freely sharing them.
Praying your marriage bed continues to grow and you two enjoy this sexual high you are on for as long as possible!
I’m very happy for your bravery. I’m always so scared about that kind of thing. But hearing stories like yours embolden me. This site is definitely a blessing!
As I am also in a bit of an awakening, I sometimes wonder what our husbands think about all this. Not about being on the board, but about their reactions to the new sexier wife. I worry that mine thinks it might not last. Or what he really thinks of me, as sometimes it isn’t easy for him to be open. So it’s encouraging to hear your husband’s reaction.
Thank you for sharing!
Committed, how i got to that point is TMB forum! It has helped me immensely, second only to getting my hormones (hopefully) balanced. Learning about sex is as important as learning about anything else that is important to TMB. I wish others knew and did the same thing.
It was very hard to open up to my H about my turn on (fantasy isn’t really the right word). Because i’m a naturally close to the vest walls up type of person but since my H and i have been open to things (me introducing things to him like a vibrator for me which he’s on board with) i decided to try.
The first one bordered on sin some might say. I think it borders on if it isn’t done in faith (like a dear sister told me) then it would be sin for me (or us). Also it really isn’t taking every thought captive although i do not liken it to porn. It was allowing Netflix / Amazon shows with nudity in it to “fuel the fire” so to speak. Since it was new to us, my husband had reservations (after all it’s 99.9 % female) but i was hoping it would stoke his fire and it certainly did mine. It did NOT involve fantasy where we fantasized about those people, it was “normal” shows say, like Jack Ryan, and i have ZERO sexual attraction to women but am extremely visual and am excited by nudity.
Anyway…it worked for a short time but like anything it became boring (we didn’t seek it out, just watched shows w/o previewing) and my H like i said had serious reservations about it and felt it was not right (in my spirit i did but to me it didn’t border on outright sin..idk how to put it). In the beginning he said he just loved seeing ME excited. Then he told me it goes against everything he believes in, and then he said go ahead if it lights my fire but since then we have decided it’s a NO GO. Which i believe is the right thing to do and i am to submit to him.
I know that is weird but i’m being completely honest and i suppose that’s “tame” to what others fantasizes are but it doesn’t matter. If we both have come to that conclusion (and he said he was so glad that i did) then it doesn’t matter how tame. The “hotter” thing about it is that i was able to talk freely with sex about him and what turned me on even if it was wrong.
The second “fantasy” was using a vegetable at a penetrative. He balked at it but when i shut down (i told him i refuse to feel wrong or dirty about it) he grabbed it and used it and i decided it’s not for me at all. The good thing out of both of these is that he was willing and open even if neither of them were for us. THAT was the “hottest” thing about all of it.
Good for you! That is awesome. I share fantasies with my wife, but IF she has any fantasies, she won’t share them. Then only fantasy she has every in 30 years even suggested is she would like to try sex with another woman, but she would never actually act on it.
C4E it was after starting HRT and my sexual desire shot through the roof. It is more “normal” now but definitely there (still on HRT) plus TMB forum has had a HUGE effect on my sexual awakening. I have said a few times (on the old forum and this one) that i can relate it to an appetite for food. If you are not hungry or even a bit sick to your stomach, food does not appeal and may even feel downright unappetizing. The sexual drive relates the same way in my opinion. Hopefully especially men will try to understand this when their wives are struggling with desire, it is a very real thing (doesn’t make it any easier on the husband)
Anyway thus my awakening plus slowly adding in toys, etc. We had very little sex due to his physical problems (he now is on TRT and thyroid) and it was very vanilla and now it is not because of the above. My drive awakened because of hormones and was fueled by what i am learning. If i didn’t have the drive, it wouldn’t be nearly this way. Plus the addition of telling my husband a turn on (than a fantasy) it has jumped up another level (although it could be sinful according to some–it’s not porn or a deviant fantasy). Anyway if your wife is nearing perimenopause, she may well need to see a GYN and get help in that area in addition to learning all she can about sex. It’s no wonder she shuts down new ideas if she does not have the drive/desire and she also needs to feel her husband is a safe place and she has time to open up to those new things 🙂
Thanks for your openness SOA. Are we really being truthful with our spouse if there is something we want to talk about with our spouse but don’t. Big step, glad you took it. I imagine you may have been a bit nervous to begin, but relieved that you did. While my wife and I have talked about some sexual fantasies (mine), she says she doesn’t have any. I’d like to think that somewhere in the recesses of her mind she does or has. When it comes to things sexual, she is more of a slow cooker and takes time to process it. I’m not pressing her, but I hope some day she will share with me some fantasies.
I have only been on the TMB site for a short while but have already learned that most people here truly care and are understanding in their responses when expressing opinions and suggestions. It’s been refreshing and stimulating (in so many ways). I know you have responded to some of the questions or comments I have posted for which I appreciate. I think one thing to keep in mind when it comes to anything related to sex or even fantasies is what does God’s Word say about. Someone posted on another question that there are some things that are clearly no in the MB because the Bible says so, but there is also within the MB some God-given latitude, so spice it up as long as it’s not illegal or immoral. So I say have fun and keep sharing with your DH.