What am I doing?!

    Hello all

    I have been married for 14 years to my DW and we have three amazing daughters.  We have twins, and if i’m honest, they exhausted us and this affected our sex life.

    They are now 10 and 8 and we are definitely finished making our family. Also, our intercourse frequency has improved…although we don’t like condoms and she doesn’t react well to pill. We usually use withdrawal method.

    I decided at end of August, whilst at a doctor’s appointment, to mention about having a vasectomy thinking i might have to wait given the NHS waiting lists in the UK.   Then…..i got a phone call out of the blue with a procedure booked for  12 Oct.

    This has left me thinking am i doing the right thing….what’s it like…..is it sore…..why not just use condoms etc.

    Please guys….advice needed and share experiences.

    Thanks.

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    17 Answer(s)

      Had it done 13 years ago. I wouldn’t say no pain, but it wasn’t unbearable. I can’t say I’ve had any problems. The odd time I had some regret. Would we have had another child? Don’t worry about the procedure, but pray about it and be sure it’s right for you.

      California King Answered on September 13, 2019.
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        Not a guy, sorry, but DH had it done and ML is so much better without pulling out or condoms. I helped him through it with several bags of frozen peas and a bit of pampering like eating meals in bed. After about 24 hours of rest, he was back to normal. He scheduled the procedure on a Thursday, took Friday off and was back to normal by Saturday. The real question is not whether the procedure hurts, because the discomfort/pain doesn’t usually last long, it’s whether you are truly done having kids.

         

        King bed Answered on September 13, 2019.
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          I know I’m in the minority on this, but I always feel the need to add a cautionary note about vasectomies.  When mine was done, the procedure itself seemed to go very smoothly.  However, something the doc did did a number on my nerve endings.  Immediately after the procedure, I began suffering from some major ED and my performance has never returned to normal.  I don’t know if the ED was caused by the V, but the timing of everything certainly cast a huge shadow of suspicion in my mind.

          I’m not saying don’t do it, but make sure the doctor you choose knows what they are doing and has a good reputation in this area!!

          California King Answered on September 14, 2019.
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            No Pain, 30 minute procedure, I am glad I did it. PM me if you want more details. Its nice to have PIV without condom.

            Queen bed Answered on September 13, 2019.
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              Are you and your wife on the same page about this? That’s first and foremost!
              The procedure was much worse mentally than physically, for me. Not much pain, as long as I kept up the ice regimen (frozen corn, peas, and Brussels sprouts were awesome ice packs), and followed the doctor’s advice. They recommended a full 3 days of rest and I did that with my wife’s support. Just moving between the couch and the bathroom and the bed and resting the rest of the time. The weekend before my procedure a friend at work had it done. Everyone told him to take the whole weekend off, but he said he felt great and came back to work on day 3 instead of resting. By the end of shift he said he felt like he was packing a pair of grapefruits and he ended up missing another 3 days in pain and sick.

              King bed Answered on September 13, 2019.
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                I’ve not had it done, well, I had the appointment and ended up not going through with it because the doc couldn’t get things in place. After squeezing around for about 20 minutes and giving me some decent bruising I pulled the plug before I passed out. In doing research I found that while most men have no issues, around 15% have some lingering pain that impact their quality of life. For some it’s just a dull ache, and for others it’s more severe. I’m not trying to scare you out of it, but your doc will likely cite an outdated statistic of post vasectomy pain syndrome (PVPS).

                California King Answered on September 13, 2019.
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                  Had it done. It was a female doc, and since the procedure is done while you’re awake that added a rather strange dimension. Not too much pain, but the doc would ask about pain and then give more pain meds on an as needed basis. So, mostly it didn’t hurt BUT when it started becoming uncomfortable it went from nothing to ouch pretty quick, so you had to stay on top of it. Just in general anything with your man parts and operations has some kind of awkward things, like growing back your hair being itchy.

                  My recovery was fine. I occasionally have some mild discomfort. Overall, though, quite glad to have done it – pros outweigh the cons for sure for our family.

                  For the most part, I’d thought about it and so the questions “Are you sure you don’t want to have more children?” etc. were what I expected. The only curveball I hadn’t already thought about myself was “If your wife died and you remarried, you might not be able to have children”; I was good with it but had not considered it at all.

                  Honestly, it’s probably better that it’s coming up soon – plenty of time to think it through but less time to second-guess. Hope it goes well for you!

                  Double bed Answered on September 13, 2019.
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                    My vasectomy was a breeze 20 yrs ago. Minimal discomfort or swelling as I strictly followed the doc’s orders. Sex has been so much better without birth control concerns. Zero regrets here.

                    Fell out of ... Answered on September 14, 2019.
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                      As another mentioned, is your wife in agreement? Also, have you thought through if, God forbid, something happened to your wife, and you remarried, would you still feel you want no more kids?

                      As a wife, I have regretted that we (I) made the decision out of fear. I do believe we missed out on some blessings because of it.

                      You can ask to be sedated, my husband did because he doesn’t handle medical situations well. He had no problems, during, in recovery or in the 13+ years.

                      Under the stars Answered on September 14, 2019.
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                        It’s not that bad but you HAVE TO TAKE IT EASY for the next several days or else (based on real lived experience, haha).

                        Queen bed Answered on September 14, 2019.
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