What are the top one or two love languages for you and your spouse? Comment on how they are used to strengthen your marriage.
Love languages from Gary Chapman’s book are:
Acts of Service
Words of Encouragement
Mrs. Oldbear’s dominant love language is Acts of Service. My chief love language is Words of Encouragement followed by Physical Touch.
My generous (and joyful) actions to serve her (gas-up/wash and clean her car, care for and maintain our home, etc.) can be counted on by her – she is most appreciative. Her oft spoken words, “I love you!” have encouraged me for decades.
Mine top two are: Words of affirmation and physical touch
DW’s are: Acts of service and Words of affirmation
I like to compliment her and give her plenty of massages. She feels good about her body and appreciates even the smallest of things I do for her.
She is willing to serve and give me words of affirmation. I value sexual and non-sexual acts of service and feel like she values and honors me.
His #1 is Physical Touch (my lowest)
My #2 has always been Gifts (his lowest), but the last couple of times I did the test, Words of Encouragement actually tied with Gifts.
He has always been good with rubbing my back or feet when wanted. I also often like the security of his arms around me in the middle of the night. Ummm, not sure how my gift has benefited him because he really doesn’t seem to care. He does receive gifts he ends up loving because I actually pay attention to comments made here and there and what his desires are.
For her it’s Words of Encouragement and Acts of Service. Both of these are relatively simple when i get my mind off myself. All she wants is help around the house and help with finances. She very much needs to be validated so I try very hard to compliment and encourage her.
For me: Physical Touch and Quality Time. I committed adultery several years back and after much discussion and personal reflection, the biggest reason came to light. She really didn’t pay any attention to me. NO, I am not making an excuse. I didn’t ever realize how much quality time meant to me until that all came out in the open. In my mind, the physical touch usually coincides with QT, but there are times, I’d like a little more quick interaction as she passes by me, etc…
Mine is quality time followed closely by physical touch. His is acts of service. I think we both tend to try to show love to the other by speaking our own language. I’m trying to learn to be better at speaking his language and being appreciative of the ways he serves me (as opposed to not really caring because it’s “not my language”) but gently asking for the time and touch I need.
I’ve never read the book (though I’ve often considered it) but just now took the quiz online. My number one at 11 points is Words of Affirmation. (No surprise to me, I absorbed a lot of unkind words in my formative years, so I crave those positives to cancel out long-embedded negatives.) My second is Physical Touch at 8 points, but is closely followed by Quality Time at 6 points and I actually closely associate the two. It’s worth noting, however, that my DH is EXTREMELY good at Acts of Service, so it is easier for me to take that for granted. I don’t know what his are; I forwarded him the test and eagerly await his results!!
Mine are Physical Touch and Quality Time
Hers are Acts of Service and Quality TIme
Even though Acts of Service isn’t in my top two, my Dad set the example for me in the way he treated my Mom and taught me how to serve my spouse. Both of us are quality time and we do speak that language well. We have always made the effort to spend time together even if it is going to the store together, having regular date nights, or just sitting on the porch.
H’s are words of affirmation and physical touch both vying for first place. I think acts of service is a close second. I like to communicate love to others by giving gifts but don’t enjoy recieving them as I am not ever given something I would choose. I am able to communicate love to my husband easily through his love languages, but none of the love languages mentioned appeal to me at all so not sure where that leaves me…