What are your thoughts on sleeping in separate beds?

    I was reading this article and according to it, 25% of couples sleep in separate beds.

    Along with the original question, do you sleep in separate beds?  Have you and your spouse considered &/or discussed it? If so, why?

    Does the statistic (1 in 4 or 25%) fit with your circle in life? Do you have friends or family members who sleep in separate beds? If so, is it a benefit to a healthy marriage, or is it a sign of a broken marriage?

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    28 Answer(s)

      We don’t sleep in separate beds. And neither of us plan to until health or medical reasons would dictate.

      It seems to me that for some people who sleep in separate beds and especially separate bedrooms – it is a symptom or a result of a deeper problem that they aren’t addressing.

      Under the stars Answered on February 10, 2020.
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        I have no statistics to back this statement up, but I think their study results of 25% could be a bit high. I worked in Law Enforcement for almost 20 years, and in that time only walked in a handful of rooms where there were separate beds for couples. Of course, my days as a LEO is pushing 8 years ago, so I don’t know if there’s a new trend out there. Maybe it’s a new millennial thing?  Too much “virtual” time means they can’t interact with their spouse either? My 20 yr old hates calling people on the phone!.

        To answer the question, My wife and I have never been in separate beds (apart of being really sick and not wanting to share that). I don’t think I can fathom being in a different bed. To me, there’s just something about sharing a bed with your spouse if you’re married. We can both snore, take covers, etc…all those annoyances, but none of them are enough to drive us into separate beds.

        I may go as far to disagree with their research that being in separate beds makes for a better sex life. I feel like this would add to the already LD issues we’re having because it would give DW another reason to not desire intimacy because we aren’t “sharing a bed”. That whole thing about carving out time? People don’t carve out time…they just don’t anymore…or is it just my marriage? Sex in our marriage is sex of opportunity. She happens to be naked after a shower (duh) and I can say, “well, you’re already undressed…you wanna?” Somehow I feel if we were in separate beds, that would probably mean separate rooms, and we wouldn’t change in front of one another, or shower etc…That would blow most chances I have for sex. The trade-off for more sleep isn’t worth it.

        On the floor Answered on February 10, 2020.
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          Ecclesiastes 4:11

          “…, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone?”

          Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 10, 2020.
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            We have always shared a bed, through debilitating pregnancy nausea, cracked ribs, bad coughing, etc. Our motto is, we still sleep better together! We have had to avoid touching/bumping one another, etc, at times though. I always hope that we can sleep together for the rest of our lives.

            My paternal grandparents had separate beds, in separate rooms, for about as long as I remember. I sort of had a suspicion back than, that things weren’t right in their marriage. Grandpa, though, blamed it on his hip or knee problems.

            My maternal grandparents, each had a hospital bed, or something similiar, towards the end of their lives. But they shared a room and the beds were close.

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 10, 2020.
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              What are my thoughts? Depends. Last night around 3 am, I was absolutely wondering how hurtful it would be to go out and purchase a twin bed for myself this very day. We have a king size bed, and Dh was still taking up most of it.

              We obviously don’t sleep in separate beds. The king size makes it easier for us to sleep separately, as we like, without actually separating. I know our personalities too well. If we were to separate our beds, we would both become content to be alone more often than not. Our marriage would suffer as a result.

              That being said, I sleep with earplugs so as not to be disturbed. And I’ll move to the couch if he’s not sleeping well. If I don’t get at least 7 hours, it can quickly affect my mental health. He doesn’t mind that I take measures to protect myself. But those nights on the couch are rare.

              I have one friend who sleeps in a separate bedroom for a similar reason as mine. It has negatively affected her marriage.

              I am reminded of my grandparents, who were married for 69.5 years before her death. They were only separated during the War, hospital stays, and his Army Reserve weeks. When she was dying and moved into a rented hospital bed in the guest room, that was when my first tears fell. 7 years later, when he had moved out to live with my aunt, my son and I had to spend a night in their bed. We both felt like we were trespassing on holy ground. There is nothing quite like the beauty of the bedroom of a loving marriage.

              Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 10, 2020.
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                My wife and I have always slept in the same bed, even if one of us is sick.  There is something very intimate about sleeping and laying next to your spouse.

                I suspect that different beds in many cases also means different rooms.  I understand there can be medical issues that might become a hardship, but I’d bet there would be an intimacy cost to separate beds.

                California King Answered on February 10, 2020.
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                  Separate beds? Nope. We are committed to be in one bed for as long as our health permits it. Even then, it would take a great deal to cause us to part company at night. We have a California King, so when we need space or cuddling it works for us. If (when) I occasionally awake during the night, I enjoy listening to Mrs. Oldbear’s soft, sonorous breathing. It puts me to sleep. If I snore, she reaches out and gently touches my hand or arm. Snoring happens when I sleep on my back, so I shift to the side position. Problem solved. We love sleeping together!

                  Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 10, 2020.
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                    I note that it doesn’t actually link to the survey, so it’s hard to tell how reliable the statistics are.

                    Sometimes how you ask the question could also influence the answers. E.g. a friend of mine travels on business frequently, which means he’s away from home in a hotel for a significant portion of the time, which wouldn’t be reflective of what happens when he’s at home.

                    California King Answered on February 10, 2020.
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                      I agree with what others have posted, 25% sounds skewed somehow. Wifey and I only sleep apart when I travel for work, which is rare. We’ve slept in bunk beds when staying at my parents house, which was kinda fun!

                      My grandparents slept in the same full sized bed their entire marriage. They had 5 kids, no wonder when you’d just be bumping into each other all night! When my Grampa was dying of cancer she offered to sleep in one of the other rooms and he replied, “We’ve slept in the same bed for 40 years and we’re not sleeping in separate beds now!”

                      California King Answered on February 10, 2020.
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                        My wife and I have slept apart with some regularly in recent times, but only due to co-sleeping kids with their issues and not any disfunction between the two of us. It didnt seem to hurt anything, and actually, sex was more frequent then because once the kids were asleep in our bed, we’d sneak off to one of the other rooms/beds the kids were SUPPOSED to be in and have our fun there, or someplace like the couch. Those have been some of our best times in that area. In addition my wife and I have some differing sleep preferences and sleeping apart is sometimes actually more restful for both of us. However, we have been on an upswing lately of being able to sleep all night in our bedroom together because the kids’ issues have improved slightly. I think a couple with a solid relationship and few underlying issues can sleep apart and not have it be a bad thing, but preference would be towards sleeping at least in the same room if not the same bed.

                        Queen bed Answered on February 10, 2020.
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