What are your thoughts on sleeping in separate beds?
I was reading this article and according to it, 25% of couples sleep in separate beds.
Along with the original question, do you sleep in separate beds? Have you and your spouse considered &/or discussed it? If so, why?
Does the statistic (1 in 4 or 25%) fit with your circle in life? Do you have friends or family members who sleep in separate beds? If so, is it a benefit to a healthy marriage, or is it a sign of a broken marriage?
I can’t sleep at all without my wife being with me in the same bed. I enjoy holding her close, cuddling with her, and watching/feeling her sleep.
On the rare occasions that she has been out of town without me, it takes MUCH longer for me to fall asleep and I don’t sleep as soundly.
The only time we slept in separate beds (other than being georaphically separated) was when I was pregnant with my last. I get hyperemesis (extreme nausea and vomitting) when I’m pregnant and even dh rolling over in bed or the smell of his deodorant would set me off. He sometimes slept on a mattress on our bedroom floor or sometimes bunked with the kids. It was for a short season and out of necesity.
I hate sleeping apart and when dh is not home don’t even like going to bed without him. I have a much harder time falling asleep without him there, I think that I probably do sleep more deeply without another person moving around or snoring but its not worth it for me. Snuggling together in bed at the end of the day is one of my most favorite things in the world.
I wouldn’t presume to pass judgement on the state of the marriage of a couple that sleeps in separate beds but it sounds lonely and sad to me.
@Olorin (and all who have mentioned snoring), has your wife had a sleep study done to see if she has sleep apnea? Snoring is a major sign for it.
Apnea causes early death because it overworks the heart and the body doesn’t get into the deep sleep it needs for it to restore.
RE: snoring–if you snore but don’t have apnea, I highly recommend BreatheRights Nasal Strips. I have reduced airflow through my nostrils because of enlarged turbinates. (I’ve had turbinate reduction surgery once already; it didn’t take.) I’d wear them all the time if I could! One of my top three all-time favorite inventions!
We have slept in separate bedrooms for several years because of my snoring. Got evaluated for sleep apnea and got a CPAP. I was still too restless and kept her awake too much in same bed. Separate bedrooms has helped our sex life because she gets more sleep and thus more energy for sex. Even in same bed we were on two totally different sleep cycles so for years we have agreed ahead of time to sex long before mutual bed time. She is also more rested if she sleeps on her natural cycle which is different than mine. Works for us during this season. Not for everyone.
This concept seems fairly foreign to me, because I have no family history of it. But I can think of a handful of people in my life, no 25%, who do sleep in separate beds/rooms. One couple is older, with medical issues, and are actually in the same room. I have heard the claims of snoring for the reason for some, and they are actually the younger couples in the people I know. In another case, she feels divorce is wrong, but didn’t hesitate to move down to the basement, and basically live separate lives. I also know another young couple who did it as a way of working through betrayal of porn use.
I have a feeling, this would be more common among the rich.
I can’t imagine that there is any great benefit to the marriage…. to an individual, maybe, but not to the “two being one”.
“73.6% of statistics are made up” I’ve also read numbers from 50%, to 98%. Pick one you like!
And when stats are contrived from polls…..good luck with that. They interview 25 people from Enumclaw WA, 25 in Intercourse PA, and 25 more in Horneytown NC, and they come up with a number that applies to the entire US. I’ll pass on giving those much, if any credibility as well.
That said, We know one couple that sleeps in separate beds. She’s a ‘ sleep hitter’. She apparently flails around in the night, kicks, swings, whatever. Separate beds are for his prevention of bruises all over his body! 🙂
So, besides times of sickness, or recovery from injury or surgery, which I think most couples go through at some time or another, we know one couple that actually does it all the time.
I’ve slept on the couch for a year and a half. Started because of my hip, i didn’t know i was bone on bone and was going to physical therapy for months not knowing what was wrong so now it’s a habit, plus my H now has a Cpap and has to sleep in a certain position and it just probably wouldn’t work sleeping together now. It HAS NOT affected our intimacy in and out of bed at all….