What are your thoughts on sleeping in separate beds?
I was reading this article and according to it, 25% of couples sleep in separate beds.
Along with the original question, do you sleep in separate beds? Have you and your spouse considered &/or discussed it? If so, why?
Does the statistic (1 in 4 or 25%) fit with your circle in life? Do you have friends or family members who sleep in separate beds? If so, is it a benefit to a healthy marriage, or is it a sign of a broken marriage?
We share a bed. Every night of our marriage (18 years, 7 months, 16 days, but who’s counting?). As others have said, it builds intimacy and is part of what makes our relationship different from any other either of us has with anyone else. On the rare occasion I try to nap and she’s not home, I can barely fall asleep (and I fall asleep easily normally). Sharing a bed is one of my favorite parts of marriage (even when it’s not about sex).
My paternal grandparents slept in two singles in the same room. My grandfather died when I was – I think? – 11 years old but even at that tender age I thought it was plain weird. Mind you, we were not very close to them in distance or emotionally so I tended to think they were plain weird anyway!!
In our almost 23y of marriage, the only times we’ve slept in different beds (aside from one of us travelling, or while she was in maternity hospital) was when she was pg with our 1st and 2nd – because she snored so bad. At the time we had no, and then just one, child(ren) so one of our bedrooms was set up as a guest bedroom and I used it for a few weeks to get a good night’s sleep. As I recall it did not adversely affect intimacy. Nowadays it might, but we’ve filled all our spare bedrooms with children haha!
We’ve only slept separately in our home due to medical reasons (injuries that made sleeping in a regular bed difficult, after surgeries, colds/flus) and the couple occasions I had to take my parents to the ER late in the evening and didn’t want to disturb her sleep when I finally got home in the wee hours of the morning.
My DH, bless his heart, is so considerate he often goes downstairs to sleep if he thinks he will disturb me (with his cough or tossing and turning or some other illness). I hate it. I keep telling him once I am asleep I don’t notice any of that and would much rather have him there with me, but he is stubborn in his attempted kindness.
My parents have been married for 37 years and are looked at by myself and others in the community as having an excellent marriage. That said my dad has slept in a recliner for about 15 years now due to back pain and I don’t think mom minds it to much because she doesn’t have to sleep with earplugs anymore due to his thunderous snoring lol. I’m pretty sure they still have an active sex life and and a happy marriage that is also helped by being empty nesters.
We agreed BEFORE we got married, we would not sleep in separate beds/rooms EVEN IF we were in relational dissonance because it’s too easy to let things fester that way. It’s been tempting for both of us on a few occasions but we haven’t. There have been twice when we slept separately because we couldn’t fall asleep, were extremely restless and the other person was snoring loudly to boot.
PS – We have a king size bed so it’s technically easy to sleep in opposing sides if we’re not “feeling the love” with the other person…but different beds/rooms? NO.
I sleep separately from my wife if she is sick, or if she is snoring. I come back to our beds on the weekends, or when I don’t care if I don’t sleep well (typically if I don’t have to work the next day).
I would love a solution to the snoring problem!