What changes have you noticed since entering perimenopause or menopause? And how has that impacted your marriage bed?

    My DW has experienced increased tiredness, varied levels of libido, changes in sensitivity, pain during PIV, mood swings, etc.

    These things have impacted frequency of sex, changed how we approach intimacy (we have become more sensitive to each others situation), caused us to focus more on foreplay and variety in meeting each others needs, etc.

    Menopause has meant no more periods and no more cramps. That has  been a great blessing!

    Under the stars Asked on October 29, 2019 in MARRIED SEX.
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      @SC:

      “I have heard that if one stays sexual throughout perimenopause, they will be more sexual into the menopausal years.  Is this just about the mentality of the woman and how she views sex, or is there a physiological reason behind it?”

      I’m sure you saw it, but others here might be interested.  A recent post on The Forgiven Wife indicated that the increased blood flow to the vagina from regular sex can keep the vaginal tissues healthier and “younger” into menopause. I’m sure it’s easier to be sexual in the menopause years without the pain and dryness associated with the typical aging vagina. Just a guess though, as we don’t have any experience in this area.

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on October 30, 2019.

      Thanks for sharing, I hadn’t seen it.

      on October 30, 2019.

      I hope it’s true ’cause that’d be awesome!

      on October 30, 2019.

      I do get some sort of kinky arousal out of imaging my wife using a vibe on herself 30 min everyday to keep the blood flowing down there. Maybe a hands-free vibe (think Eva II) that wouldn’t cause her any down time. I do wander if all that extra blood flow would get her more interested in being with me! 😈

      on October 30, 2019.
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        I am just trying to figure out if I have entered perimenopause. 🙄

        Under the stars Answered on October 30, 2019.

        That is an interesting stage. It would seem to me that you likely have begun. Because often the signs aren’t as clear as one might expect.

        Like, what are some of the things you are noticing? Anything like what the others here are mentioning?

        on October 30, 2019.

        There are too many variables in my life to know what might be the cause of things.  The biggest symptom I think I am facing is the change in sensations. Things just aren’t as pleasurable most of the time, and a dryness I have never experienced.  We are a couple who has never needed artificial lube, and typically have to take some pauses to dry things off.  My periods are more regular than they have ever been.  Other emotional, mental and non-sexual physical symptoms could be caused by other variables.

        on October 30, 2019.

        I’m no doctor, but to me it does sound like you are entering perimenopause! As you say, there are so many variables. But aging is one that impacts all who live, and it goes hand in hand with perimenopause.

        on October 30, 2019.

        My periods were pretty regular even into my mid 50’s and i’m 57 and even had a couple this year but the main indication was much more anxiety. A lot of perimenopausal women are put on anti anxiety/anti depressants because they don’t recognize the symptoms of hormonal imbalance (or rather…their doctor doesn’t).

        Watch the vaginal dryness because even with HRT AND vaginal Estrogen, i had symptoms of atrophy (burning, pain during intercourse) and i started using Replens plus an OTC Estrogen cream and recently added a DHEA capsule (don’t know whether DHEA helps or not but the OTC cream has although i wouldn’t outright recommend it as it is Estrogen and manufacturer doesn’t recommend putting it IN the vagina but on the vulva which i heartily recommend if tolerated).

        In the 40’s women’s Progesterone starts to plummet which starts the process but don’t make the mistake of forsaking Estrogen when you enter menopause as Estrogen IS THE hormone our female bodies crave the most, especially the vagina.

        Watch Menopause Barbie on YouTube. She has over 100 videos explaining peri/menopause–FACTUAL, that has helped me more than anything.

        on October 30, 2019.

        Thanks! Interesting enough I have been dealing with anxiety the past couple of weeks. I have wondered if it was hormone related. I wish I could bump up getting an appt with the bhrt doctor and getting my hormones tested.

        on October 31, 2019.
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          Yes, no more cramps, bleeding, headaches and PMS symptoms has been very nice. The biggest change for me has been the nose dive in sex drive. I don’t feel the physical urgency (what most call ‘horny’) that I used to. And related to that is that it’s taking longer to orgasm. But in my brain, I still want to. It’s just discouraging sometimes. It hasn’t impacted our frequency, since I was the HD partner to begin with. We’ve sort of evened out.

          On the floor Answered on October 30, 2019.
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            Menopause for my wife resulted in even a lower or almost non existent sex drive. She has never been very sexual, but it is even less now. She still desires sex, but more like once a month.

            On the floor Answered on October 30, 2019.
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              DW is in perimenopause. She started in her late 30’s and after getting married 3 yrs ago, it’s been a blessing in the sense of very FEW periods in that time (less than 10) BUT the mood swings and hot flashes have been CRAZY to get used to as a new couple, along with teen girls in the house now. (I had three boys who are out of the house.)  At this time, she hasn’t had a problem with lubrication and her desire/drive is still strong. THANK YOU JESUS! 😀

               I asked God for a woman past it or far enough away from it to let us get closer together before going through it….and He in His sense of humor gave me someone smack dab in the middle of it. 😥  😯 😕  😀

               

               

               

               

              Under the stars Answered on October 30, 2019.
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                Generally it is a mixed bag – some good, some not so good. For many the reduced drive is a major challenge and disappointment. But, in the case of others, there is a significant uptick!

                We were expecting most of the things that happened – as we had done considerable reading on it. But there was an unexpected change! She lost almost all of her pubic hair! As one who always enjoyed her full bush, it was a major disappointment 🙁

                Under the stars Answered on October 30, 2019.
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                  I have heard that if one stays sexual throughout perimenopause, they will be more sexual into the menopausal years.  Is this just about the mentality of the woman and how she views sex, or is there a physiological reason behind it?

                  Are there any other wives who just wish our hormones would work for us, rather than against us?  :/  If I could actually have a higher physical need or drive, it sure would make living out my hearts desire easier.  The battles fought just aren’t seen, nor appreciated as they should be….and I know we all have areas like this in our own lives.

                  Under the stars Answered on October 30, 2019.

                  The only thing that helped me was going on HRT.  We are losing our hormonal balance and fast. A man’s steadily goes downhill but ours is like falling off a cliff once it happens. Each woman suffers differently. Had i known about anxiety i would have been put on it a few years before i actually did. I had to get on it because of the severe hot flashes and night sweats killed me. Once on it my libido went through the roof (now has leveled out) and i also went on vaginal Estrogen.

                  on October 30, 2019.
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                    I had typed out a whole big post but somehow it didn’t save and fell through the cracks.  My short answer is bottomed out libido, pain and tearing during intercourse, and my genital tissue stays raw and itchy even though I’m very clean.

                    Twin bed Answered on October 31, 2019.

                    When you say genital tissue, do you mean labia? Because I’ve been frustrated by feeling “raw and itchy even though I’m very clean” for the last couple years too, but it never occurred to me that it might be related to perimenopause!

                    on November 4, 2019.
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                      I had been in perimenopause (per my doctor) for probably a year or so before I started having problems this past February that led to my hysterectomy in July. During peri (and surgery recovery, as my posts on this board indicate!) I had greatly increased libido. I still want sex and think about it a lot but the tingly physiological response is a little more elusive. (Elusive tinglies do NOT preclude highly enjoyable sex!) There are some other things going in that make it impossible for me to be certain it is entirely a result of surgical menopause, but I have just recently (last 2 weeks or so) begun having more pronounced hot flashes. Also, we have yet to successfully engage in rear-entry PIV, first because it hurt for me and I asked to stop, and the most recent time because he didn’t feel right about it and was afraid he would hurt me. I have demanded he not let that become a permanent hang-up! 😉

                      Under the stars Answered on November 4, 2019.
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                        Following.  Serious issues now that I am menopausal with no insurance.

                        Twin bed Answered on October 31, 2019.
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