What changes have you noticed since entering perimenopause or menopause? And how has that impacted your marriage bed?
My DW has experienced increased tiredness, varied levels of libido, changes in sensitivity, pain during PIV, mood swings, etc.
These things have impacted frequency of sex, changed how we approach intimacy (we have become more sensitive to each others situation), caused us to focus more on foreplay and variety in meeting each others needs, etc.
Menopause has meant no more periods and no more cramps. That has been a great blessing!
“I have heard that if one stays sexual throughout perimenopause, they will be more sexual into the menopausal years. Is this just about the mentality of the woman and how she views sex, or is there a physiological reason behind it?”
I’m sure you saw it, but others here might be interested. A recent post on The Forgiven Wife indicated that the increased blood flow to the vagina from regular sex can keep the vaginal tissues healthier and “younger” into menopause. I’m sure it’s easier to be sexual in the menopause years without the pain and dryness associated with the typical aging vagina. Just a guess though, as we don’t have any experience in this area.
Yes, no more cramps, bleeding, headaches and PMS symptoms has been very nice. The biggest change for me has been the nose dive in sex drive. I don’t feel the physical urgency (what most call ‘horny’) that I used to. And related to that is that it’s taking longer to orgasm. But in my brain, I still want to. It’s just discouraging sometimes. It hasn’t impacted our frequency, since I was the HD partner to begin with. We’ve sort of evened out.
DW is in perimenopause. She started in her late 30’s and after getting married 3 yrs ago, it’s been a blessing in the sense of very FEW periods in that time (less than 10) BUT the mood swings and hot flashes have been CRAZY to get used to as a new couple, along with teen girls in the house now. (I had three boys who are out of the house.) At this time, she hasn’t had a problem with lubrication and her desire/drive is still strong. THANK YOU JESUS! 😀
I asked God for a woman past it or far enough away from it to let us get closer together before going through it….and He in His sense of humor gave me someone smack dab in the middle of it. 😥 😯 😕 😀
Generally it is a mixed bag – some good, some not so good. For many the reduced drive is a major challenge and disappointment. But, in the case of others, there is a significant uptick!
We were expecting most of the things that happened – as we had done considerable reading on it. But there was an unexpected change! She lost almost all of her pubic hair! As one who always enjoyed her full bush, it was a major disappointment 🙁
I have heard that if one stays sexual throughout perimenopause, they will be more sexual into the menopausal years. Is this just about the mentality of the woman and how she views sex, or is there a physiological reason behind it?
Are there any other wives who just wish our hormones would work for us, rather than against us? :/ If I could actually have a higher physical need or drive, it sure would make living out my hearts desire easier. The battles fought just aren’t seen, nor appreciated as they should be….and I know we all have areas like this in our own lives.
I had been in perimenopause (per my doctor) for probably a year or so before I started having problems this past February that led to my hysterectomy in July. During peri (and surgery recovery, as my posts on this board indicate!) I had greatly increased libido. I still want sex and think about it a lot but the tingly physiological response is a little more elusive. (Elusive tinglies do NOT preclude highly enjoyable sex!) There are some other things going in that make it impossible for me to be certain it is entirely a result of surgical menopause, but I have just recently (last 2 weeks or so) begun having more pronounced hot flashes. Also, we have yet to successfully engage in rear-entry PIV, first because it hurt for me and I asked to stop, and the most recent time because he didn’t feel right about it and was afraid he would hurt me. I have demanded he not let that become a permanent hang-up! 😉