What did you do to overcome been a gatekeeper/sex refuser.
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 NKJV
The Word of God is completely against refusing your spouse sex, but we experience this often.
For me, I decided that I will not like to sin against God or push my DW to allow herself to be tempted for lack of self control, so I pray that I will always say YES when she request for it.
Please can you share with us how you overcame this challenge?
Ladies how did you stop refusing your husband sex? What did you do? Or are you still refusing your husband?
Men what did you do for your wife to stop refusing you sex? What do you do if she is still refusing you sex.
I have never been a gate keeper or a refuser.
DW has been both. To help her stop those things?
- prayed (alone and with her for our marriage and that our sex life could be all that God wanted it to be)
- studied (Bible, marriage, sex within marriage etc),
- serious self-examination,
- worked at loving her more,
- put more effort into our relationship,
- learned how to communicate better,
- stopped blaming her for the situation,
- decided I would stay with her even if she never changed,
- tried to find the best times to bring up the topic of sex in gentle, non-threatening, non-demanding ways
It was a gradual process for me. I read in a book that to refuse a husband sex is akin to refusing a wife communication when she needs it. That was a profound realization for me.
However, old habits die hard. It took me a while to get to the point where I would say yes more. At first, I would still say no if I didn’t feel like it. What changed was that I committed to saying no for now, with the promise of sex within the next 24 hours. At the time, Dh was working on some issues of his own. He’d ignore me all evening as he played video games, and then would come in and ask for sex just as I was going to sleep. This is crass, but for a while, I felt like my vagina was all that mattered to him. It took me a while to learn how to gently have that conversation with him.
I’m at a point now where I say yes almost all the time. We still have set guidelines. I have to carefully guard my sleep, so he doesn’t ask if I’m asleep or nearing sleep. He’s better at prioritizing sex over video games if that’s what he wants for the evening. I’m better at communicating that I plan to go to bed earlier than usual so he isn’t surprised. I’m also learning to get better at inititating, which has been an issue of mine.
What’s key is that my journey away from refusal has led to better communication between us. Since that was lacking for so long in our marriage, my journey has been a blessing in more ways than one.
DW has been refusing sex since 2007 shortly after her mom died. She was diagnosed with COPD Stage 4 in 2016, and now uses that as an excuse. My arm is too heavy to lay on her, now. She has gone from 120 lbs to 60-70. My weight has dropped fom high of 285 to 210-220, was 235 when married in 1997