What do you do when you don’t feel like having sex?
When you know it’s important to your spouse, but for whatever reason, you just don’t feel like having it, what are ways to work through that?
As we’ve aged, we experience longer gaps between the ‘need’ for sex. OTOH, we are more intimate with words, touching, embracing, kissing, and cuddling these days. That said, each of us knows the importance of orgasmic release even though our vigor and orgasmic intensity is different from our younger days. So . . . if one of us is in need of sexual release we ‘drop’ everything to generously serve each other or to encourage each other to take advantage of the moment by ourselves.
Focusing on the emotional aspects of the experience (e.g., knowing that my husband will feel close to me, his tenderness and affection with me, etc.) helps heave me over the “I don’t want to” hurdle.
(I hope this one posts. I tried responding a moment ago, but I was prompted to login again and I lost what I’d done. Grrr.)
Being a high drive guy, it’s rare, but it does happen. Usually, it’s because I’m beat from a long physical day.
And on those occasions, I’m all about taking care of my wife. I enjoy her pleasure even though I don’t climax. I’m really glad she doesn’t say “No thanks” when I tell her “this one is for you”!
I remember what things were like when I said no all the time. We were distant and argued more. I have struggled with this issue quite a bit the last year because it just hasn’t been great sex, as in not worth wanting a lot of the time. But I try to engage anyway because even when it’s not good sex it does help with the connection. I don’t resent him the way I used too because I appreciate that he still wants me and I know it’s God’s design and most especially because I do believe he feels emotionally close to me and feels loved through sex. It’s not about him just seeking physical pleasure.
If there’s a time that I want sex and she doesn’t (and I can’t just wait one more night), she’ll give me a HJ or let me hump her. But we’re generally pretty evenly matched in desire and even if I sense she’s less excited about sex one night than other nights, she generally won’t say no. We generally decide whether or not to have sex a few hours in advance. If for some reason my desire is low or I don’t feel like I’ll be able to perform for some reason, I will offer to finger her although generally she doesn’t feel the need for that.
Everything I don’t “feel” like making love to my wife (either due to her behavior or my personal heart issues) …I ask God to help me in the art of lovemaking and I have to admit…He answers and we end up having a good time. I can tell she had a good time by the lightness of her voice and playfulness afterwards.
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. … 1 Corinthian 7
I have learnt to NOT say I don’t feel for sex to my wife, God helping me. In the past I have said NO before and she was mad at me. I have heard NO too and I did not like it.
Being a man I think its easy to say yes all the time if not most times, just because men are moved by sight. So just seeing her in a nice outfit, lingerie or nude is enough turn on.
If she has done something to make her husband angry, then forgiveness must come in. Forgiveness is part of any relationship. God wants husband and wife to be together all the time, in the good times and the bad times. Sex is one great means when couples are close to each other and its exciting. Devil does not want to see married couples do sex but rather for one partner to say no so the other should be in a fix and a strange woman to welcome him.
I see it as a duty for partners to give sex out to each other anytime, any day. If for some reason it cant happen or should be postponed it must be agreed by both parties. God bless you.
Do it anyway, out of an obligation to obey God’s commands regarding not depriving a spouse. I have a couple shots to steel myself for the encounter, which helps tremendously with the necessary decreasing of inhibitions and masking negative expressions. I am one who dislikes every aspect of the sex, but who decided that being a refuser would be harmful to my children and layer guilt upon guilt before God. It has worked so far in that my H never has any complaints about sex life and I never say no.